Controlling life, thats easy. Dreams, they’re not so easy. I’m not going to give the detail but it realy disturbed me. It was almost like my brain was taking me in a direction I really dont want to go in. I actually wakened myself up saying NO!! I’m not much of a night time dreamer and I have had a fab week, sharing my time with my children and other people I like so why did my brain do that?? I feel like I almost betrayed myself.
Maybe I was just doing my own bit of realisation, getting it right in my head. Someone laughed at my "bigger sky" and my "realisations". It shouldn’t have bothered me but it does. Who likes there beliefs being ridiculed? No, not many of us would. Its funny when people have agenda’s they agree with everything, then when they’re tired, they give it out. Anyone stood and seen one of there children lowered into a grave, they hold out a box with earth, 10 days after my daughter came into this world, I did that. In one breath, I looked at the sky, it was clear, cloud free and awesomely beautiful. I looked down at that box, looked into that grave, with the tiny coffin and her name on it, a name I would never shout and no I did not take the earth. That day I discovered the bigger sky, the reason why some of us need to believe in the bigger picture, because without that, what the fuck is the point. If I hadnt had that page, book, whatever I call it ended I would have given up, I had 2 kids, a man I loved, I had to find a purpose to save me so the bigger hopeful picture was created, did you not get that you fkn tool??. Never underestimate the hope people have when you dont need it yourself, when your own world is groovy great but some us struggle with day to day because we do get that there’s a bigger deeper picture than the shallow most fkn give out.. But to judge those who do use there brains, thats way to sad a person for me, yeh you may have money in the bank, a shag on demand but does that satisfy the core of who you are, do you actually ever check, just to see who the fk you are, bet you dont have a clue..
Whatever gets anyone through there days is okay with me. For anyone who lives for today, forgets yesterday never mind the thought of tomorrow, have a world with yourself. Better yet, wait till I meet you on the road to knowhere, I’ll do it for you. My glasweign roots come out sometimes – who wid wynt tae be yu? keep yursel, nae wan wynts ya ya tool….. thats funny, maybe only too me, but if they could read it I would PMSL! Being a glasweign, its like a poetic license to talk total shite but we get away with it, we’re all too thick to get anything other than shite, actually further north you get, worse it gets…
Lights still on
Toorrows blog is taking a step back in time, boundary setting is once more in my head, be prepared for boredom..