Just when you think heh ho.
I read an email.  It was all about me, bless.

I actually feel sick
Jeez, you think you know someone wow, how wrong was I.
From my own sister, way too much,.

I dont mind being smacked in the face but from her!!!!

I guess I should say thanks, even if the honesty about me wasn’t given to me but

someone who doesn’t even know me.  Unbelievable

And before Kenz jumps in, dont, just dont. 





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cool from email

Hows this for cryptic…
Acquire the courage to believe in yourself.
Many of the things that you have been taught
where at one time the radical ideas of individuals
who had the courage to believe what there own hearts & minds
told them what was true
rather than accept the common beliefs of there day
Outside that field is right doing & wrong, who hasn’t been there.
My thanks Kenz
Always with Brutal Honesty.

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paranoia has set in…

You may know if your a contact that every now and again I get hits from a google search based on titles of music.  My taste isn’t a typical so I was always suspicious of that.  It hasn’t happened for weeks so didn’t give it much thought.
Yesterday I got a hit again from google search, this time with a name I had mentioned about 3 weeks ago.  It was a very definate name which I have now deleted but its making me paranoid.  Whoever it was read the entry then hit on my photos.  Was it someone looking for the guy??  It isn’t that uncommon a name I guess.  Though why at a mention of a name would a stranger then hit on my photo and nothiong else??
See paranioa.  I know most of us who have blogs open to everyone do check on stats, I do so everyday I update but the google thing?  Does anyone else get hit from there or is my para right?  I would hate to think it was someone I know who was doing it.  Reading then hitting back from google because they know I’m a suspicious type and would check.  Why would anyone do that?  Am I just being paranoid??  Whatever, I have taken my profile down and maybe I should delete the photo’s.  My other blog has a weirdo visiting leaving nice email insults but this is a bit weirder than name calling.
Okay, update, Hope is still off school but will return on Tuesday.  Nick is sitting with his foot up, being carried everywhere and he will return to nursery on Tuesday when his meds are finished.  Kids and infections, got to love them all..
light on & bright

to promise means do..

I have a friend Lisa, she is a pretty being.  You know the type or maybe you dont.  She bullshits nobody, least of all herself, no justification, no excuses, just what you see is what you get.  I had promised to buy her son a spiderman toy, she is just a friend but since it was promised, I did.  Unfotunately, I also had to buy for my 6 younger kids.  If you don’t understand that your either not a parent or selfish or perhaps both???


I’m off to see said friend Lisa.  A genuine woman, no agenda, no self righteous bullshit and definately a very child friendly chick. 


Perhaps we should all ask ourselves today – What have YOU done, unselfishly, without agenda to make yourself proud.  Some might be struggling with that.  But try it, its a conscept that may take off.
living with light on

>> I have deleted the majority of this entry.  Not because I didn’t mean every word.  Actually I removed it on the advice of someone wiser than I.  I have spent a lot of time recently mentioning my faith.  After a discussion with Fthr Harry I will not do that further.  Can I point out, this is the priest that I say my confession to so dont accuse me of being a religious nut or a hypocrite.  I confess to all.  Fthr Harry made the point that those who make the choice to turn there backs on faith, whatever faith they may HAVE been have that right.  It is no mans job to direct them back or give them guidance.  However I did point out I would rather share my time with those who admit to no faith than those who pretend, he thought that was funny??

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You know the thing with brushing my daughters hair?  I end up sneezing for hours.  I wouldnt mind but I keep making my nose bleed lol..  Mental note to self, get drunk and get nose stud out, can never unscrew it sober, drunk its easy..
So, Hope is back at the doctor’s this morning.  Head lice may just be a minor inconvenience to some but Hope has an allergy to them, her hair is falling out and I am seriously hacked off at the mothers who send there kids to school, crawling heads and all passing them on & on& on.  Hope gets the allergy from me obviously but I am seriously at the end of my rope.  Nothing is getting rid of these blooming things and its time consuming.  Moan over.
Life is flowing well.  Strange I know.  When I give up the stressing myself and go with the flow life has an easier feel.  I dont take anything except what I’m given.  Still no sign of that faith thing but since I’m happy maybe it will return.
Got lots of that house shit thingy to get done.  Which leads to the question, what am I sitting here for.
Living in the coolest of light

is it life or sh*t??

Tonight isn’t for the faint hearted.  I went to an anti-abortion mass yesterday.  I have been a member of pro-life since I was 14yrs old.  I am totally against abortion.  I do have friends that have had terminations.  It never sits well with me.  However, grown-up choices everyone makes and I respect everyone has a right to those decisions.  I have just as much right to disagree.
Today I was talking about a man who’s wife had a termination at 25weeks because there was something wrong with the baby.  I sat gobsmacked.  My daughter died when I was in labour at 42weeks.  My OB tried to tell me later that it was better that she died anyway because the brain damage she had suffered would have made her severly disabled and a "handful".  The disgust I feel toward both men is close to equal.
I can’t really equate how I feel.  Some would say it is because of my experience with Jessica.  Its not.  I am pro-life, any life, a head on a stick is my philosophy and I cannot understand anyone, any parent who has a different view.  I do accept that there are some but I do not have to agree with it, accept it in my personal space or hear it.
For me, it is very black & white.  Abortion was never an option for me because of me.  I cant judge anyone for having one.  I couldnt live knowing I had destroyed part of myself knowingly but many can and do.  To add insult to injury, they go on, have other children??  Me? I not understand and if I live to be 100, I never will.
On a more personal note.  Reading one of my contacts blog made me think of a song that has the line  I’m doing okay, just not very well.  I get the feeling, sense that there is something specific wrong, I just don’t know what and its bothering me.  Blog space is strange.  I know they try to be honest, just as I do.  I just sense they’re holding back, just as I do.  I’m just not sure if its just self preservation or something else.  Its so hard in this virtual world to say, I know your struggling and I don’t know why.  If you need a hand ,an ear, reach out cos lots of us will catch you.  I may not understand & I may not help but you know I’m here.  Beautiful hearted people struggle just because that shit thing called life keeps happening.  You get out the kitchen, clear your head.  Maybe open a new private blog, you dont rant because your aware of readers so do what I did, become a name, no one knows. 
Light on for us all

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rush, rush, hurry, hurry

I once gave someone an unwelcome bit of advise.  I told them to always rush through life.  Never take time to stop and think.  That way reality can do the bypass and you can negate responsibility for all.
I am trying that ethos.  No thought involved and going with the flow.  Its actually amazingly easy, straight forward and best bit.  No headf*ck involved.  I have a ceasefie at home currently.  I have been accused by someone of being thoughtless and demanding.  Thank you Aimee I take your comment with the acute grace it was given.
When I was 25yrs old  was an arrogant f*cker as well, lalala…
happy in light

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