its not time thats moves – its us

I have recently become very dissilusioned with both blogging and messenger.  I dont like restricting access to either.  I have made some awesome contacts and built friendships that have seen me through some tough times.
For a variety of reasons, I have decided to stop both, at least for a while.  I dont like virtual so much anymore.  To be honest I got so used to enjoying my online time that i have kept it going, when I should have stopped a while ago.  I am sure the virtual world can life without one blogger.  As the title line says, it isn’t time that moves, its us as people.  Hopefully we evolve grow and never give up on our striving for happy.  Never settle for mundane and never let anyone leave us with the feeling that we dont count.  We all count.  Internet access, its over-rated, at least for me.
May all be happy, may all have prosperity and may no one ever be harmed..
Living in brilliant light

psychological mind game

I was reminded last night by someone that when you have a secret that you would rather not share those psych games, they play havoc with the mind.  I spend a lot of time trying to keep my thoughts real, to stay within a positive zone.  When you’ve got a secret you see things thru glasses that dont always tell the truth.  Why do others have to have an agenda.  In this case, I think they do.  Its just we can take the simplest of things and turn it into a me me drama when in reality its not our drama at all.  My own realisations this year made me understand who big we really are as people.  I’m only important to the people who are within my life, the people I count with.  If there are other who think they rate or matter, they dont.  I make a difference only if I care.  I do care about my family, friends and most of all my children.  Everyone else, they can count in there own zone and I have no problem with that.
I still sit around my dinner table and ask my children every night what have you done today to make me proud?  I think all of my kids now understand that question.  I think its time to move it along and ask, what have you done today to make yourself proud.  If I ever get the answer, helped someone just because and that made me feel happy, my job will be done.  My job as parent is an important one.  Today I am going to make it count and live in hope, just for mine, my friends and my family.
Twinkling brightly

Hopes and dreams when new

You know the trouble with keeping an online journal.  When you go looking for something boring, like this years tax return you hit on a more interesting folder.   I give my journal files some really silly names.  Beginnings, obviously and letting go, the one that I had forgotten about was curiosity.  Shit I so wished I hadnt open up the curiosity file of 2005.  I wont bore you with the details.  Sometimes when I read something I’ve long forgotten I’m almost back in that moment in time, filled with whatever emotion was filling me at that time.  So many entries made my smile a sad smile.  I dont even bother with my journal now.  Back when, I did it everyday.  My Aerosmith track is a classic.  I do this weird thing I call kodak.  I kodak moments in my life, just in case so I am fine with that.
I keep wanting to sing Shattered Dreams but they were always just Candy dreams, nothing more.  Even then I knew, I think or dreaded.  So, I live on. O shit I’m gonna do that fkn female shit thing and cry, its time to go.
On a more positive note its a whole year since I met Caz, she is the best and I would never want to be without that woman, even if she is nicotine free wearing fat trousers.  I was truly blessed the day we hit send!!!!

are men just immature???

Okay, if you where to rate sex in your list of priorities how high up would it be??  As I’m typing I’m trying not to think of my contacts.  I have a male contact who thinks about it constantly, fotunately I’m friends with his wife.  I have another cotact who’s marriage doesnt work because her husband isn’t as into it as she is.  I have a new contact who I cant get a grip of.  He talks about looking for someone he can trust but in the same breath seems to expect great long, varied sex??  In a new relationship is that not a bit of over expectation.  A good sexual relationship evolveswith time not at the first shag.  Or Is it me??
I personally would rather have crap sex with someone I cared about that fantastic sex with someone who didnt rock my world..
I make no apologies for the song, first time I heard it was on the night I told my H our marriage was over for me, how many times, I know.
Light on softly
>> I have received some toys, thrown at me out a playpen because of this entry.  As readers are aware I dont delete, not an option.  My blog is for my opinions.  If I mention anyone I would use there names if appropriate, in this case it wasn’t, so I didnt.  I only give my take on people.  When we communicate with other, whether its right or wrong we make assumptions, thats life.  Opinions are like arse-holes, we all have them.  If you dont like mine I will not apologise for them.  If you are offended by the content, that, I will apologise for.  Dont play bat and ball if you cant pick the fucker up and throw it back like a grown-up. I will not pick up any toys, dummies or blankets thrown at me.  We all got shit,how we chose to deal with it???? Moving on…
Light bright
>> Okay, I was annoyed when I got snapped at.  Fair play to the dude but heh.  Reality check time. Blog access  is  open to all.  No entry is ever directed at one person, I stopped doing that a long time ago when they stopped reading lol..
 Sex is or should be part of a healthy grown-up relationship. Where that begins and ends is nothing to do with anyone, except those people involved in it. I know theres people who can shag and run, I am not suggesting any of my contacts are like that before something else hits me.  I am however aware that as a society its not just kids who shag and run.  Thats an option that I chose not to ever go to.  My views on sex are my own.  They may be outdated and victorian but that is my decision.  I never did whoore about and cannot stand those who dress it up as someting more than it is, end of.  My toys are where they should be as is my dummy and this blog is open to the world, if you wish to comment do so on blog., I can translate if necessary & I know you understand and are reading.  I dont play games, Im way to smart to be underestimated.  If you had bothered to give the previous entry more than 90 secs of your time you may have learned something!!!  As it is, that has been moved.
light on with shades


I was talking to someone last night about names and how we shorten or lengthen them.  Only my parents call me Jacqueline, everyone else either calls me jacqui or jac.  My oldest son’s birth certificate says his name is James.  I have never thought of him as James.  I was younger, less vocal and when he was born it was decided that he would be registered as James but would never be called that by me.  I always thought of him as being Jamie till he got older and I started to shorten it to Ja.  Okay, he hates Ja, not as much as James but since hes never been called that so??  He wants to have it changed officially to Jamie, I have no problem with that.  His dad however does.  Jamie is 4th generation Kerr who’s name is James.  His dad is just Jim so cant see what Jamie’s problem is, I do.  I can see this debate rumbling on for a lifetime.  Someone reverse me, take me back 16yrs with the balls I have acquired on route please.  4th generation?  Its a pile of crap..
Light on brightly

bed is over-rated

Finally made it to bed last night.  I sometimes wonder why I bother.  I wakened up to find 6 kids in bed with me, 6!!!  I should be grateful Jamie doesnt do sharing with his siblings.  I now call him Jamie since he hates Ja and told me so.  I have been calling him Ja-mie but I will get used to it.  Kids and there names, funny buggers..
Christmas fever has deffo hit Cumbernauld.  The light are up, the rain is tumbling, its freezing and people are still smiling.  If I had one moan it would be how invisible Kate becomes in her wheelchair.  People either dont see her or look at her because shes slowing them down.  One ignorant twat was huffing and puffing so much I told him to wind his pathetic neck in today, I only take so much.  She is my sisiter and its not like she has a choice in the matter is it??  Ignorant people are as welcome on this earth I know, just wish they could engage brain and think, maybe learn some patience lol..
Family waiting so better go, catch up on what they did with there day with there dad.  Its amazing how they all fall asleep when I’m out.  He must bore them or fall asleep himself, like I dont know which it is..
Have a blast with the rest of the weekend..
light twinkling

sleep required

Hope has a sickness bug.  Kids bless.  Didnt manage to go to bed last night.  I’m more than a little bad mooded this morning, for no reason other than I am.  Bad sign for a Friday morning.  Luckily I have mass again this morning so that sho0uld chill me, or make me worse.
Why is it that when you want some quiet those around seem to go to hyper mode.  I have 5 kids behind me but sounds as if theres so many more.  And I got a headache.  Think I need to shower and quickly..
light on dim