Archive | December 2007

so little time lol

ah 2007, what a year eh???
 
Whatever your memories of this year have been thats all they are.  The bad movies of yesterday we dont ever need to watch again, heh, thats such a groovy thought.  I will feel a wee bit sad tonight, blah blah and all that shit lol.  My mum boxed it off yesterday with her "for goodness sake, grow-up lecture".  As we scots say I can behave like a big wean.  I am the grown-up here.  My memories can be summoned up with another of our sayings "Wit a total fuck up ye made o that".  Next year, no fuck-ups allowed.  Hows that for summing up a year, not bad eh????  
 
The best of me, o fuck I got a foo fighters track in my head. so, ping, musc change till tomorrow.  The best of me is all that I have, all that I have been and all that I’m still to experience.  I will never tire of starting again.  Of changing direction and stamping my feet, I can and do deserve the very best, why ha it taken so long to hit that little snippet of a realisation.  No one deserves more from me than I have, not even myself.
 
Whoever you are, wherever you are; value yourself.  Understandand, accept your human.  Make your mistakes but dont bury your head up anyone’s ass.  Take responsibility, dont forget to love others as much as you love  yourself.  I say in reality so often, everyone counts.  Every human being, whoever they are, whatever they are.  We all count and I never ever foget that.  Today as I looked out of my window, I sighed, what a wonderful time of life I am in.  So big deal menopause is approaching.  Its exactly a year today since I had sex, yeh really, am I bothered, nope!!!!  People who know me think because I’m out there, talking the talk brimming with confidence that I’m a modern chick lol..  The confidence is like my make-up, its a crutch, I take it off at night and I’m as alone as everyone.  Thank fk no one who knows me reads this.  The reality of Jacqui, she’s all front.  Inside, I never till recently valued who I am.  I lost a friend this year.  She was the very prettiest of beings, a contact I met thru Kenz.  She was a beautiful person, she shot from the hip and never missed me with her honesty, I miss her.  What Kirsty left was her legacy to me.  In the last email she sent she said, someone slaps you your gonna be standing waiting to turn the cheek till they came back, muppet.  Thats not about waiting for anyone’s return.   It was a compliment about my compassion.  I am working with that.  I will never hurt anyone without just cause, except myself.
 
This year has been a big huge lesson on how to get things wrong.  Except, I dont think wrong is a mistake.  I think wrong is just one try closer to getting it right.  I do understand that if, when we fuck up, make a mistake thats okay.  So long as we never give up, so long as we become pro-actve and not re-active its okay to be wrong sometimes.  I actually dont mind that I think the world is full of honest people.  I dont mind if it turns out I have been lied to when I give out truth.  I can’t police the world.  Just as I cant control how anyone makes a choice, a decision that I know is wrong, I will not judge any living being,.  These things, I have always known, whether I admitted them or not, I knew because I know me.   Few  people in life like my dad, hes a bully but the gift he gave me, its so priceless.  He gave me integrity, fk knows why, but he did.  I am done.  Thank you for taking the time to read, I am almost at 5000 hits, you have taken me one step closer to that yipee!!!!
 
My wish for everyone passing thru this blog tonight the bestest of everything in life.
 
When the bells hit, I will be asleep so:-
 
 
ALL THE BEST FOR 2008 DUDES
jac/jacqui/jacqueline
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