THINK I WILL START DRINKING-AGAIN!!!

Its 12 days until Joy makes her communion.  The day when little girls get to dress-up in white, wear a veil and look like little princess’s.  Joy is rough and tumble.  Up until this morning she was wearing her new uniform, bought for the day.  Hmmm, all change this morning with the words "Mum I’m beginning to change my mind".  I didnt panic.  I have Jennifer’s dress from 2yrs ago.  It doesnt hit the floor with Joy but it fits.  If only a dress was all we had to worry about.  The shoes had been put away but baby Joy has size 6, the bloody shoes size 4.  This afternoon I been surfing bridal shops WTF.  If it wasnt so funny it would be tragic.  Luckily a neighbours child works in a shoe shop and is looking tomorrow.  My big problem is the veil.  Jennifer used mine.  I didnt get married in white.  Since I was pregnant I got married in oyster and my veil matched.  Jen’s dress is more oyster than white.  I think I put it into the wardrobe stuffed full of clothes that I dont even look in; I use the other one.  Anyway, other veil has quickly been bought, headdress the same.  Why are kids so fickle???
 
Rats, yep still got them, dead, but they’re still there.  The rat man is expected by tomorrow or I can just phone and shout nicely at them lol..
 
I feel as if I should be in a panic tho dont quite know why.  I have a birthday/communion fllowed 3 days later by another birthday.  The celtic superstore seem unable t get tracksuits for children.  I bought Jen nike football boots instead of umbro and Joy doesnt just want a celtic tracksuit shre needs it lol..
 
Im trying to keep the light on
Kids dont make it easy tho
jacq 
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Another long week….

Rats.  I hate them.  When I was out on Saturday Jack was sent to our wheelie bin.  We have 2 at the bottom of our garden.  He trotted excitedly to his dad shouting "we got squirrels in our bin.  Bloody turned out to be 3 large rats.  They were sitting on top of a black bin looking annoyed at being disturbed!!  YUK!!!!!
 
The shed was emptied yesterday.  Dropping were found. By yesterday morning there wee 5 dead in the bin after Mr big dropped a heavy bag on top, 3 managed to get free running along our fences.  I live in a row of 6 houses so I started to tell my neighbours.  Turned out 1 had seen a ferrit 4weeks ago, hmmm.  The ferrit managed to chew many holes in there shed!!!
 
So I’ve been in all day waiting for the enviromental health.  They seem to be in no hurry to visit the rat colony.  Me, I’m terrified to go out my back door lol.  Thank god its raining so washing is getting another rinse.  A very kind neighbour said you know they can come in your house??  O my nothing worse than rats, actually there’s many things worse; just not in my garden.
 
Light bright
jacqui

wish upon a star

My wish would be, to have kids who would get out of bed.  Not moan or complain, get ready for school and smile instead of growl.  Its taken me until now to recover from getting them all out this morning.  It almost spoilt the enjoyment of this afternoon and my new dyson.  I almost p’d myself when the cylinder one got delivered this afternoon.
O fuck what the hell happened to the woman who didnt even know where the hoover was kept much less get excited about using it??
So, 2 new dysons to play with.  I’m in a weird mood tonight.  I dont usually pay any attention to the fact thats its friday night.  Tonight I’m a bit bad mooded.  Its friday night, I want to be out; yeh like that will ever happen again lol..
 
Kids are a lot better tonight.  Nicky was snoring until after 6 so he will be awake most of the night and I cant even get drunk and annoy him.  My gall bladder has flaired up, reminding me its stll there and still filled with huge marbles, thanks.  I had forgotten what that pain felt like, wow I would rather give birth again than have that pain.  Dont know what triggered it yesterday but 5hrs last night in pain was a clue, I ate something with fat, except I had turkey for my dinner last night??
 
Someone tell me I’m becoming a boring fart, notice I did not say old.  Just so we’re all clear I am going to dye my hair tomorow.  5 weeks since I dyed it.  I met my mother this morning who on seeing my roots said OMG yur hairs like yur da’s-white!!  My dad who was standing beside her didnt get why we were laughing.  My dad has a full head of white hair.  He thinks its still blond haha
 
Im off to change the light bulb
Light bightening up
jacqui

onwards

So May is going to be busy.  Joy has her first communion & her birthday on the same day.  Jennifer has her birthday three days later.  I dont like having there birthdays so close together.  That was my choice but cant go back and change it.  The girls birthday lists are still at the vague stage which I hate.  I like to be prepared and until they are sure, I dont buy.
 
Writing buy?  Yep I have bought well this week.  Big dyson decided to stop picking up which wouldnt be a bother except baby dyson has a burnt out motor, I have managed to burn out a dyson motor.  Yes it was still in guarantee but Mr big man took the bloody plug off which makes it invalid.  So 2 new dysons are on there way to me, hang the expense.  Since I’m the only one who hoovers all my 28 stairs I am buying the cylinder one and I dont care who doesnt like it 
 
Jamie is talking to me again.  I had a moment with him yesterday were I bit his head off and no, I didnt apologise, no, I dont feel bad and life isn’t just about what he wants.  The sooner he gets that the better!!
 
Its been a crap day here.  Weather has been rubbish.  The radio described it as light rain showers, heavy at times??  It was bloody pouring down, thats my speak for light rain.  No washing done, actually nothing much done today at all but heh, washing? it can wait.  One daughters need for new school shoes couldn’t.  I’m a bit scared at the rate her feet grow.  She’s not even 9 and wears a size 7, when will that childs feet stop growing.  A jeez, I’m tripping which means, I’m gone.
Light bright
jacqui 

I dont like today

Its my daughter Jessica’s 10th birthday or it should be.  I used to go to her grave on her birthday, I just got overly upset and felt like a prat so stopped going a couple of years ago.  Its strange, even today people tend not to mention dead kids.  My daughter died a couple of hours before she was born but she was still mine.  For 42weeks I carried her about, then, nothing.  She was and is still one of mine.  I remember when she was handed to me, I was terrified; I had never seen anyone dead and I was faced with holding my own daughter, dead.  Through my tears she was perfect.  She didnt look different from my other except she was still.-
 
No one in my world mentions her.  I am the only one who remember her birthday.  Mr Big can’t remember the birthdays of the children we have here mush less anything else.  Maybe its better that way.  Tonight I will get out her treasure box, take a look at the stuff and cry my tears.  I am blessed to have another 7 kids.  I have always known had Jessica lived I wouldn’t have had them, I am so very grateful.
 
From a man who shared the pain of losing a baby "only after true sorrow can you go on and experience true joy"  That statement will stay with me forever.  I just wish my God didn’t feel the need to sprinkle so much of the sorrow around in this world.
 
Whoever you are, whether your a parent or not.  Appreciate everyone who loves you because for some strange reason your here amd breathing.  Lets make ourselves count.  Some dont live long enough to get the chance.
 
Light on brightly
jacqui