mother from hell

Either that or she thinks manipulation is the way to go.  Teenagers need something to live on.  I cant sgn the form for Scott since I’m not his parent or his legal guardian so sent him round to his mums to ask her to do it.  She refused.  Her feeling was its fraud unlss he lives there.  Since he has no intention of going back to her house and he did agree with her, no form signature AAAHHHH.  I did explain to the college that whilst I’m not his parent he is living under my roof and they could have my income breakdown but that doesnt seem to matter.  Since he didnt suffer any form of abuse hes not entitled to anything from college.  At the age of 16yrs old he has to go down the benefit route???
 
I dont mine giving him money, I have never complained at feeding him, buying new bunk beds but I really thought the educational system would support him.  Nope, all the college will give him is his travel expenses so maybe a pair of tainers since w live 5mins away from his college.
 
How typical of his Mum though.  The whole reason she kicked him out was because of his desire to go to college and not get a job.  Now, o she would fill out the blooming form except the but is he has to go back and live in her house again.  Think I need to get some legal advice, see how easy it is to get legal guardianship, it seems totally rediculous but necessay; then I can sign ever form required.  She could have just filled out the bloody form but hell no, let someone else worry about her child.  O I really give up.  I still have’t met his mother and right now, I hope I never do – for her sake.  Selfish cow (oops, terrible but thats how I feel).
 
Light on
jacqui 
 
 
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Heart of buddha

My quote from the heart of buddha isnt working.  I like to do it first thing in the morning, sets me up with a tranquil thought for the day.  Kids were in my bed from 6am  Sleep would have been nicer for just a wee while longer.  The positive, ah there’s always one is they’re all in a good mood.  Maybe it will last?  O I do so hope it will lol..
 
 
Rain has returned to my world and is set to visit until Friday.  Cool, just means tumble driers will be on.  I have a serious mountain of washing and I’m not even thinking of the ironing.  Joy is about of have a strop so I better go just in case she loses the plot.  I like school days, you know where you are with girls and there hormones or is it personality ha.
 
Enjoy the day
light on
jacqui

Victor moment over, almost

Whenever I have a moan, even in my head I call it a Victor moment.   I used to laugh at One foot in the grave, it was so tragic and his character is exactly like my dad, tho he’s always miserable lol.. 
 
If I’m honest I’m struggling with this marriage shit.  One of my mates did type tonight it can’t be that bad otherwise you would do something about it.  Fair point, its not like I would need to house myself or the 8 children I share my life with.  Lalala I just hope the feeling passes.  It just numbs me that I’m so discontented and H, his bubble is same as it ever was.  He was talking to the teenagers last night about love saying it just goes on & on.  I sat there thinking yeh, like the old wrecked trainers you cant seem to part with despite them being passed there best.  I often feel like this.  Its just heightened when I’ve been away and it takes a day or two to shake.  Its almost as if my brain is screaming and his is, O I dont know, I really dont know.  Its not even that I dont love him, god knows I must do I just feel totally disconnected from H.  I dont think thats either of our faults, I just think thats what ours lives are like.
 
Tomorrow will be a better day.  I’m just annoyed with myself that life hasn’t or isn’t living up to my minds expectations.  I had such high hopes.  I know its not to late to become who I see myself, who I suppose myself to be.  Its just I’m a bit tired of the journey towards me.  You know, bills, kids, house.  Everything else needs time.  What if I run out of time for myself.  Jeez, I could be out of time already and just be too dim to realise.  Fk it.  I’m in a bad mood, no doubt about that.  Its easier to blame H than to blame the person who deserves the blame – myself.
 
I just get a bit annoyed that H never seems to see the struggle my brain has or maybe he does but is too scared to say anything.  I think I need to go to bed and give myself a lecture.
 
Light on
jacqui 
 
 

Is the weekend over??

West of Scotland had a holiday weekend so we all went merrily to H’s caravan.  Thankfully we’re back.  I dont want to go to moan mode so enough said.  Okay, I have a problem.  I’m blaming H for something someone else did.  I just can’t see past it and the resentment has far oulived the other person.  I hate when people trot on with there lives whilst I’m left seething.  I’m just not the moving on type.  Weirdly, someone I spoke to today says they feel sorry for H because he has no idea, maybe I should.  I did try writing it down on a bit of paper, tearing it up and flushing it down the toilet, didnt make me feel any better.  Sorry, riddlesome I know, I just need my pal just now aand she’s not here.
 
Normality returns tomorrow with school and work.  I’m very good at paper and cracks working together.  except, its just me that feels cracks – 0 so are they really there or just in my head??  Bollocks, I hope I’m always like this when I come home, it maybe a temporary thing lol..
 
Not much in the way of talk in my world.  Teenagers are on there 2 playstations, looking at different corners in the same room weird as F.  Jennifer has her laptop on as has H.  I’m on my pc so I cant talk.  Must go find something, anything to do.  I would have a drink but then my tongue trips and I dont trust myself.  O, I know ironing.  I should be safe with that should I??
 
Hope you all ahd a great weekend
light on
jacqui 

who likes handbags??

Of course, we all do.  Hospice shop is a bit of a handbag magnet.  Unfortunately, I have developed this weird habit of buying them and stashing them behind the pc chair.  HHHmm, bored moment, must have been mad, lifted pc chair.  Trouble is, couldnt get the thing back so hand and knees time, oops.  Out comes 3 River Island bags.  I justify it by saying not all the same.  4 Next bags – same justification & 1 burberry bag given to me by my mother.  I got this cute trick for when I’m doing that tidy thing.  If I find something that I dont quite remember where it should be it gets put into a handbag so I have   8 handbags stuffed with crap and I do mean crap.  I do know where the toothbrushes, spidermen and even the coathangers should be lol..
 
I also have 3 handbags that sit on the floor since they’re always in use(?).  O I feel a mental note coming on.  Still, I did make a start on the tidy thing.  I can see the sitting room floor which now only has a bunch of grapes (nick’s healthy snack) and a pkt of marshmallows (mine, I dont share lol). O and as I type a bottle of diet coke (nick’s) & bottle of diet Irn Bru (mine,).  Maggie and the ferrocious beast is on, must go and numb my brain.
 
Im bored!!!!
( and now I can here myself saying if you think your bored thats because you cant be bothered thinking of something to do!)
light on somewhere
jacqui

Still hate laptops…

Gave up trying with the laptop.  I finally removed the disc drive, phoned the company I got it from and the drive is on its way back.  My ethos is if it doesnt work, just change the part – annoying little bugger.  Positive is there is 3 annoying tracks loaded on the media player, so I know it is there.  Enough of laptop, I’m bored with it now.  I knew there was a reason for my system that sits in the corner, it works, sometimes anyway.
 
The industrial action has affected nurseries -again.  Nicky is sitting watching Power Rangers and I’m thinking about tiding my tip of a sitting room.  Wont do anything other than think about it, but its a start right??I’m not used to staying on my bum in the morning, it seems a bit strange and surpising dull. 
 
Ah well, its not like I dont have anything to do.  I have a house that looks like a war zone.  My kids dont get the "put things away".  The result being the floors are clean, its just that they’re buried under a mountain of crap.  Lightbulb moment tho, my bathroom is spotless so may go hide out in there this morning and hope the house fairy pays me a visit.  Failing that, I’ll shout on H, hes good at house shit.  Ipod in my ears and I’m off to the smoking corner, the rain is pouring and theres nothing like a soggy fag.
 
light on
jacqui

or F sake!!!

Well H did happy, happy.  It didnt last long though.
 
Got his glue gun that made him smile (?), his new motorola phone is taking way to long to charge and the horror of the new laptop.  I dont work off wireless, I hate it.  Jamie runs his off his mobile network so until I look out the netgear thingy he has no internet.  Not a problem, he would start his media player with the 1 cd he got for his birthday.  Thats a simple non techno thing to do.  WRONG!!!  I put his cd in drive and it makes the usual I’m working noise then NOTHING.  Do I have a clue whats wrong with it – do I stuff.  I put my little cd’s straight in and rip, no problem.  I cant burn the buggers but since I transfer to ipod its not a problemo,.  For him ah f*cky, its a major disaster that he cant load his 1 and only cd.  I’ve had my windows media player for so long I’m still working off number 6 so dont ask me how or even if the bloody thing needs configured (I do polite on here, if I was talking there would be swear words and lots of them by now).
 
Ah well, I think the laptop will be returned to the laptop centre with a big sticker that says, were a bit thick so dont know how to configure haha.
 
Bless, I did try and Lee I did try the thing that made me spit coffee and it worked – very quickly haha.  Must go and thanks for the tip.
 
light on
jacqui