its freezing

O i dont fancy this whole trick or treat thing.  I have to pretend that I’m really having fun crawling from one doorstep to another freezing my bits off.  Most of the people we live beside turn there lights off and hope it passes without the need to open there doors.  My kids have boundless enthusiasm for the whole thing.  As I’m typing I have a Spiderman, devil, vampire, princess, skeleton and harry potter & a late pumpkin who looks mighty embarassed lol.. all giggling and wonder why they have to eat dinner.   Only Jamie is too mature to enter into it.  Even I am vamped up, goodness I look good lol. George had offered to take Nicky (dad of nicky’s best friend) but I think it would be better if Dylan just came with us.  No point all of us freezing and George is a tricky treaty virgin haha.
I have my tubs of tooth rotting sweets at the ready.  I have my pumkin glowing since its pitch black already here and the spiders webs hanging from my ceiling are scaring me never mind little people but its a once a year thing and its for the kids.  I just hope I dont run out of sweets.
Light on


I got flowers deliverd to my work.  The card said "I see you everyday, you work to hard".  No name nothing, weird, weird.  The card said Jacqui Kerr which is only my work name for those who dont know me,.   In fairness I am the only one visible who is seen everyday.   Everyone who came in after that I was looking at thinking wonder if it was her or him.  There was a guy I did see this morning standing just looking in, doing nothing.  I need not to worry about it.  They do brighten up our works kitchen.   It was a freezing cold day.  So cold one old lady offered to go buy me a pair of gloves.  One thing a twich did, kept me blooming warm.  A late home day.  Thank god Jamie was in a good mood and stayed home, waiting with the rest of them.  I wish they would feed themselves, now and then.
So when I staggered upstairs last night, after saying goodnight to Jamie I opened a bottle of Stella and sat lifting my leg up and down – over & over.  It was after 1am and I’m sitting laughing o and I mean seriously laughing just lifting my leg up and down, not a quiver, totally awesome sight.  I did try it again before I took my pill this morning.  Was it really that bad??
I’m sorry, I am sure I will get over myself, sometime, eventually – maybe.  My walk has a stillness about it that will tickle me for a lifetime.  Flowers, stillness and my headache left thanks to my decalf supplied by Billy this morning.  If he wasnt married he would be a fabulous catch.  Coffee making men are easy to find.  Perfect coffee from a man is a rare thing.
My light is on & glowing

Me got a sore head

My head is banging, my eyes are bleary and I have an awful druth(thirst).  A bit too much of the sweety(wine/beer) last night.  I laughed way to much, moaned way to much and got piled into a taxi way too late haha. 
Isn’t it just nice once in a while to forget and have fun like it was 1999.  Actually I need to go much further back for my fun but you get my drift.  Reality is waiting for me, better head to work.  My pills are still working.
light on

did I not say??

I was going to my friends in Glasgow tonight.  I’m sure I gave them all notice.  They rush in from school with urgent demands of what they rquired.  With a hand raised I said I’m off out tonight and I wont be here.  5 boys & 3 girls and not one of them heard me.  They stood or sat looking like I had slapped them.  Naughty me for going out, to Glasgow, all on my own.  How will I cope??
 I used to work in the city and love Glasgow.  The patter from drunk Glasweigns is priceless, no one matches there wit.   Kids bless them all want bathes, me to help with there homework.  The little things I usually have to nag them about.  My plan is to keep it normal.  bribe Jamie with a tenner and run.
I do so enjoy bribery.  It has a safe place in my world.  O and the temp in the car is -2.  It feels colder, not helped by the fact that I changed my heating timer and it doesnt come on until 7pm.  Thank goodness I found the remote for my fire haha.  I better go and peel my 5kg of potatoes.  I hate dinner time.
Light on

another day

I went to bed last night quite late.  I usually lie there twithing, trying to get comfy.  I had thought new med had worn off.  instead of twitching I lay wondering where the hell my twitch was lol weird or what??  Its the strangest of things.  I twitch or tremor so much sometimes I think I’m annoyed because I am when the reality is its my own leg annoying the fk out of me.
Anyway I’m not going to harp on about the wonder of a betablocker it just so exciting for me.  I still have work and 8 kids who are annoying as ever.  Jamie is being a bit hormonal for my liking with me being sworn at last night because I took his memory card when he called me a rather rude name.  Kids with attitude I dont appreciate.  Work has become a 6 day week thing with me in charge, ont know how that happened but at least I can stop them pratting about.  Part of y wishes they could just get a new manager but for now I’m enjoying the responsibility.  takes me back to life before kids.
O and I better get my finger out and start some study.  I started a early years psychology course and have done nothing.  Better go take my pill lol..
light on

I’m speechless

After going to my GP yesterday I came home with a beta-blocker than works on all sorts of crazy things.  The annoying tremors, ticks, shakes, jerks and amazingly migraines.  My big sis has been on them for over 20yrs at a high dose so I wasnt convinced they would work.  O apart fom slowing my heart rate down lol..
I took my 1 pill of 40mg at 8am thinking it wouldnt work.  My 9am I’m standing outside Argos and fk me but I am standing – still!!!  There was no movement, nothing.  I actually just stood in the middle of the walkway, I must have looked strange, not as strange as usual but strange.  I walked into the shop.  My right leg does a quiver thing as I lift it usually but nope, it was gone.  This was becoming a personally awesome day.    I do still have a crazy lift to my ankle.  Caused  when I was a teenager I broke awkwardly & it  still has a strabnge thing but its more controlled.  I hated the idea of taking any drug to mask my tremor.  Its not that I’m proud of my dystonic movement but it is just the only sign that I have had 2 major strokes and survived and I’m proud of that.  I re-learned the basic stuff and my usual attitude would be that I just didnt get the walk thing back, big deal.  Except, judging by my reaction it must be deep down.  Thats a surprise.  It started as something for other people and really, its about me.
Today though for the first time in over 20yrs I stood talking to people without the need to feel embarassed.  I dint think about it much.  I usually think constantly about it.   God that was so amazing.  For someone who has spent those years saying it didnt bother me, bugger  me but what a feeling when it was gone.  The effects of it lasted until nearly 5pm.  I’m slightly miffed that it wears of but I cant wait for tomorrow & no I wont be taking one when I am at home.  I have a dystonic twitch and I wont ever forget or pretend otherwise  (just mask it when required) lol..
I still havent moved the entries I intend to move but I’m doing it because someone is snooping and I dont know who.  Any reference I have made of a suspicious nature are being put in a private blog, out of harms way lol..
Finally, Eileen if you get around to reading my prayers are still with you, your boys and your friend Marc.  I’m sure God is beside you, listening.  I dont know what will happen but I hope it turns out ok.
Im off to do something boring but I’m off to my best mates tomorrow night for a blether, cant wait.  I may even partake of a sip of shandy lol..
ligt on for all