thankfully the weekend is over

Wow, what a weird weekend I had.  O and H gave me £155 this morning.  Lalala
I’m off to bed
light almost restored

safety first or last

My cooker top has 5 halogen plates and one food warmer.  I had only 1 plate on.  So how come they were all on with a towel on top of the one’s not in use.  A fire alarm that is obviously broken and yep – we have a fire.  Whilst kids are all screaming H is reading the instructions on the bloody fire blanket on the wall!!!
Ah bisto, lift the offending towel with cooking tongs; get the back door open and chuck it out????
Okay I’m pissed a) trying to read ?? You pull the fkr out???
                               b) you dont tell my kids to remove themselves????
My kids have already suffered 1 horrendous fire that destroyed half of our house.  They know fire is no joke so question is who put the plates on??  Mr nobody has been visiting.  The kitchen is still stinking of smoke but it could have been so much worse.  Must get that smoke alarm fixed.  You would think 2 bloody teenagers would get up off there arses and see what the smell was but nope.  The house could burn around there ears before they shifted.
I give up lalala I’m off out for a smoke of my own..


I’ve had the familiar pain in my thigh that tells me cellulitis is approaching.  It starts with pain that whilst I know what it is have to wait for the bloody redness to appear before the drs prescribe antibiotics.  Its quite bad this time with a migraine aura thrown in.  Thank god for spare antibiotics, just the wrong dose.  So my leg is like jelly.  Everytime I move it it feels like its a ball of fat on a shuggle attack.  Cellulitis is not nice, psoriasis in even more of a pain.
I have been sleeping better.  3 nights and no tossing & turning.  Maybe my simmering seething was affecting my sleep.  Last night was the first night H has went to work since the talk.  Will he give me his money & work sheet??  I wont ask for it so unless it comes willingly, well, I’m not quite sure what the consequence will be just that there will be one.
I have a friend who thinks I should bypass the trying stage and go straight to the see a lawyer.  18yrs of no financial responsibility must seem strange to others I know.  I’m aware that I do live in a wee bubble, taking care of myself, my kids and letting H live in lala land.  That was just easier than making him do something he couldn’t/wouldn’t d.  Why the change?  I’m getting older, tired and my kids are getting older and I need a better example set for them.  Not a mum simmering to boiling point and not a dad who negates responsibility even if he never wanted our kids, he got them.  I have made it quite clear, I dont feel that in love thing and I dont actually think I need that for anyone.  I do love him but not in that way.  If he could just get his hand in his pocket, splash his cash maybe things will get better eh??  So now you know why.
off to make coffee

I’m wary

I had intended to sit of my seething for a while longer.  H did something  especially silly yesterday and I decided fk patience here I go.  It turned out that any money he has given me towards the kids christmas stuff was from the benefit he receives.  That info would have been best not shared.  I had decided to go down the financially stressed mode.  I have ibnsomnia from stress, I’m getting an ulcer from worry.  Cant take it anymore, all blah, blah.
I didnt give him the chance to whine.  I just laid it out and said.  Bring your money into this family or get out, fk off & sleep in your motor.  When I’m finished talking I now say full-stop.  Everyone understands that one.  He decides to go back to work hahah.  An hour later and I am given total financial control.  Since his job deals with cash everytime he finishes a shift I will get his work sheet and cash.  I could huff at having to take the responsibility but at least I should get the cash as well.  It means instead of just dealing with household bills I wil have his.  I have no doubt he does earn money but from looking at Asda receipts he gave thats where his money goes.
Fingers crossed I can show that a taxi driver can make money.  Its keeping it in his pocket thats been his problem.

Its friday

Dont ever use that lady emoticon for the thank god its friday.  Every weirdo who uses the google search engine hits on.  I had plan to shut my blog when I had 5000 hits but passed that & I still have fun tripping.
My challenge with myself is going okay.  I’m 1lb off losing a stone of weight.  Ggrr, its so slow.  My thanks must go to my gall bladder.  Everytime I put something with high fat content in my mouth it grumbles, reminding me its still there, still full of bloody stones and it doesnt like fat.  Heh, my entire body has been shouting that for years.  Its the mirrors fault, I really am a size 12 its just the person before me wears size 16 trousers hahaha..
Anyway, enjoy your Friday
My patience has kicked in & I’m ready for a good day!!!
I have a parents meeting for Nicky at nursery; the world has went mad me thinks

fairer division of wealth

  Is it possible to divide a household income fairly??  Mine is very one sided.  I pay for everything, o except the 320 he sometimes puts into my electric meter.  My oldest son only gets £30 a week but gives a 3rd of that to our house.  My husband gets a lot more and gives a lot less.  I accept that H has commitments.  Is it my households problem that he is over commited??  I have discussed this at great length with my friends who say I have been a muppet.  Hearing myself say things out loud shocks the hell out of me.  I find myself sighing at my own stupidity.  I have always just put up with the status quo as it looked easier than rocking a shaky boat.


I am planning to put my foot down.  I haven’t got the details in my head totally sorted yet.  I was thinking that the 1/3 rule that works for jamie should work for both h & I.  All of my money goes to house/kids.  I have no savings because I have none left.  Thats not the way I was raised and its not the way I want my children to be raised.  I want things financial to be fairer.  is that a big ask?  Tough if it is cos thats the way its going to be.  I will not play this unfair game anymore.  I come across as demanding.  Well, it has to be done fairly or I see no point to even trying to carry on married.  Frankly, I could pay someone to do all the stuff H does and I would still come out financially on top.  How sad a statement is that!!


Im not looking for validation btw.  I’m just acknowledging the fact that a)I’m naturally dim, passed on from my mother and b) even the dimmest can get the light switched on.  Perhaps if H doesnt or cant take financial responsibility for the home & family he created perhaps it is time for me to grow-up & go it alone.





its a me thing 2

Im about to make a huge lasagne so thought I would moan attack before I do.
Nick emptied the entire contents of the boys toy cupboard.  The positive is, I can now see in my tip of a bathroom.  The bathroom is going to be done this evening I know but I’m dreading the prospect of picking up dirty towels, makes me want to barf.  I have a mental block about lifting dirty towels off the floor.  If I bath the younger kids the towels are put straight into the machine.  I just wish everyone was the same.
We got 3 pairs of pyjamas into our shop today.  Amazingly the same size as my 3 younger boys.  They look funny stepped down all in the same pj’s.  Why would someone have pj’s, all different sizes, all unused??  We make stories up in our minds when that happens but decided it was a parent who didnt like the person who had bought them, maybe an ex??  I try not to think, it would do my nut in.
With that I’m off to create my lasagne.  I love making lasagne.  There’s something very satisfying about pounding dough, the rolling out till its flat amuses me too.. lol..