I’m so excited by titanium???

I love Mr Ong.  Yes, a man.  Well he’s only 22yrs old but I love him.  Not only is he saving my broken tooth but he’s doing something else, bigger, better.  That’s why I love him.  My broken tooth is being done privately and I will need to pay for both the white filling and the cap but even with that he’s going to do this weird wacky thing with titanium.  Its a titanium framework that sits inside the mouth.  Looks a bit like a merecedes symbol  with clips.  Anyway this has individual teeeth attached and replaces any missing teeth.  How totally cool is that.  After over 20yrs of half smiling a full mouth of teeth.  I could jump up and down with excitement.  Okay I have some major work to have done before I get there.  Six months of settling for my 2 caps and extractions but eventually, I will have new porcelain teeth.  All my very own.  I have been told I can call it a framework, dentures or brace.  I dont care what its called except its a brace.  My broken tooth is being filled on Thursday.  Its £63 for the white filling but it should always have been a white filling.  Not sure how or when the cap is being fitted but given the fact the same tooth on the other side has got a filling of amalgum and not a white one think I had better pay out for another one.  My front teeth have acid erosion so they are being filled and reinforced.  Thats due to my liking for fruit.
 
Sister is looking at another few weeks in the rehab unit.  I’m a bit annoyed.  Kids really need a break as do I but that’ll have to wait.  Back is no better but I do have another postive.  Breast absess burst this afternoon.  All over my new £28 bra but its burst, thankfully.  It was making me feel quite sick so hopefully it’ll settle down.  Before anyone says I should have went to my dr, I couldnt.  Its a recurring one.  Once its been treated and asperated GP’s dont waste there time again.  They just do an immediate referal to hospital for them to deal with it surgically.  I dont have the time to be going into hospital this week, too much on.
 
I’m off to walk about.  Sitting down is painful.  Standing up is painful.  Actually moving is painful but not a lot I can do.  Whatever I’ve done to my back its not getting any better but time is probabily all it needs.  Roll on Thursday when my broken tooth will be a fixed one.
 
light on
jacqui
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Second chances

I’m not big on second chances.  On the surface, it would be nice.  Surface though isn’t always true is it?  Its like the final episode of some tv show.  You think you got it all figured out and bam, all change.  People let us down at the most unexpected times just as we let ourselves down.  Perhaps thats why second chances just dont work for me.  I dont like being let down and if someone is dim enough to do it once, they’re dim enough to do it again.  I didn’t go into work.  Sink or swim but they survived before I arrived and will without me.  I have no illusions about my own importance and left them too it.  Not surprisingly when I said no I got silence back but I guess that means they did indeed manage. 
 
Anyway lol
On to today.  This blooming back is not feeling any better.  I have washed, dried and ironed today as well as feeding the blooming cat twice.  I’m still tired.  I’m feeling quite crap, just run down.  How typical.  Start of the school holiday and I dont have the energy for anything.  I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  At last I get to see a dentist.  A filling and I will be a happy bunny but I’m not sure that’ll be enough.  Fingers crossed.
 
I’m off to slob on a sofa with a Jane Green book called Life swap.  Should be an interesting read eh??
 
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jacqui

A tweek, a pull, whatever

It was like being pregnant in bed last night.  I couldn’t turn for the pain in my back.  I’m not usually so inactive in bed but I had no choice. I eventually got up at  5am     wondering what the hell I’ve done to it.  So I still have my broken tooth.  Dentist tomorrow, back ache today and I’m not even going to mention the breast absess I have.  Work can’t get the safe open.  My instinct is to pull a jacket on and go but honestly, I wont.  Its the first day of my leave and they need to manage without me.
 
I hope everyone is well.
 
light on
jacqui                                                                    

Busy, busy

My home has ben a little hive of activity today.  The top of my fridge freezers are clear and the top of my kitchen cupbords have just got my large cups & saucers.  I’m so excited.  The girls bedroom is clean.  The carpet is still cream.  Boys bedroom has a blue one, they did there room without being asked!!.  Only rooms not tackled are the bathroom and my own brdroom.  I even managed to sort my laundry cupboard and now I have 4 bags of laundry & rain outside, I dont care.
 
I have managed to develop backache, never get that but its a reminder that I’m alive.  I just hope it wears off.  I can’t stand up without pain.  Sitting is much the same and bending?  I aint doing that again.  Not sure whether I’m going to be doing any house thingy tonight but enough has been dont today.  Oldest teenager even managed to cook dinner.  I’m feeling tired but happy that my teenagers actually listened and helped.
 
I’m off for a bath, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. 
 
jacqui

importance of dishes

How come my teenagers know how to wash ALL dinner dishes, including the pots Mon-Fri but on a Saturday they forget??  I am met every Sunday morning with the pots from the night before as well as a ton of washing on my tables (who doesn’t know this pisses me off).  I have washed the dishes.  The washing I will not touch but I am here and its time to get annoyed, again.  My friend Liz does necessary housework before she goes to bed.  Only thing she does in the morning is load her washing machine.  I’m thinking this is a workable option, children allowing.  I like nothing better than going into my garden, cup of coffee and fags in hand.  I always feel deflated that mess awaits me on my return but what if’s are making me think.  If doing the housework thing at night would work then it opens up the days for other stuff like washing/ironing.
 
I’m not sure.  Frustration at the lack of activity within my home is making my jumpy.  Everyone who spends more time here does less.  Skimming seems to be the acceptable mode of cleaning.  Actually, I do have standards somewhere.  I just keep putting them down and never pick them up.  Thats my mistake.  I’m needing to be firmer.  I need to do more within my home.  I am needing to revisit my house rules.  Am I the only one for whom verbalisation doesn’t work..  I know, I talk way to much but if they all listened I wouldn’t have to.  Instead of sitting here I should be opening my washing cupboard and crying.  I use laundry bags.  It keeps the washing together.  I know that I’m the only one who does that.  Everyone else thinks opening the door of the cupboard and chucking it in is enough.  My sitting room has pj’s all over it.  I’m thinking of printing a sign out that says you leave it, I bin it.  Last chance is approaching.
 
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jacqui

Cluttered forrest

The cluttered forrest that is my life in my 40’s is about to be de-cluttered.  Self imposed and totally necessary I had forgotten the potential of having 7wks off work.  I had forgotten that I can switch my alarm clock off for 7wks,  I can wear what I want, instead of black and my brain at night doesn’t need to stress about the less than perfect takings or how to increase them.
 
Stillness.  I need to accept stillness and enjoy it.  2 roads in front of me.  I can sit and mope for a job I know will be there in 7wks or I can make the most of those weeks.  Enjoy them with my children.  So, onwards.
 
Yesterday.  Wow.  I did mention I had a crap night on Friday well here came the crap Saturday to top that.  Hospital talk all day is not my idea of a fun day.  Having the same things repeated to me was just annoying and my jaw ached from smiling and nodding with enthusiasm.  The curve ball came when my big sis says its a possibility that she maybe in the rehab unit longer than a fortnight.  Despite the fact that she managed to sit outside for 3hrs smoking and getting sunburnt she thinks this place will help her posture enough that she wont need her wheelchair all the time.  I’m just not buying that.  I’m perhaps misjudging her but I just can’t imagine her in the gym at all.  Hand therapy so she can use a knife & fork??  Hhmm, she does that already.  She lives alone, I sense an agenda and I’m not quite sure what it is.  More care?  that would erode the independence she has.  Perhaps its me and I think she is more capable than she actually is.  There is a difference between being lazy and being incapable and I’m not sure where one begins and ends with her.  I do know she can use blooming cutlery.    I’m not cat friendly either and the idea of cat sitting for weeks isn’t filling me with joy.  I had wanted to go away for a few days but who knows when.
 
Okay enough ranting.  I will not waste the 7wks I have off.  I constantly worry about change, too much or not enough.  The ironny is I will get to wherever I should be without the worry.  What I dont want is to do is go back to work having changed nothing, even if its just my attitude.  
 
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jacqui 
 
 

Damp squib

I’m glad I didnt buy anything new for my night out, I wasn’t out long enough.  I was a late arriver.  Big sis got a pass from hospital for the weekend so I didnt arrive till 7pm.  With the exception of 2 wrinklies they were all on water??  Water is okay but on a night out, nope.  I went to perno and coke thinking at least I can get merry.  People started leaving just before 8am.  Okay those who left were all in there 60’s but there  was just no atmosphere for fun and it didnt improve.  I had enough by 9.30pm and left.
 
Lesson learned.  The people I work with are great.  In work they are funny but outside, they’re not social or my social.  I was home for 9.40pm and I won’t be repeating it again.  I have never experienced a night like it.  I think it was my worst night out in history.  Maybe I just had high expectations.  I have relesed control for my time off.  The woman who’s taking over from  Monday can’t manage on Monday.  I said I would but you know what?  I’m not.  They all think I wont be able to stay away but I will.
 
O and I broke a significant tooth.  I dont have back teeth.  Too much crap as a child meant I had lost them as a teenager but have them from my eye tooth and 1 back.  Long story short, veggie sausage, a bite and half my last tooth plus filling is gone.  I have an app for Tuesday but I think its to bad to replace the filling.  I can’t lose that tooth.  I have searched for crowns and implants.  Despite having an exemtion certificate I’m not sure if it falls under cosmetic dentistry or not.  I first have to find a dentist who will do it.  I have a phobia about dentures.  Everyone in the west of scotland sees that as the best alternative.  I dont.  The thought of plastic in my mouth sends shivers down me.  If necessary I will just retain the front shell cos I cant lose that tooth, I would be devastated.  As a smoker I have found that they dont like giving implants to us, dont know why.  If I can get one it would cost nearly £500 but I got the rainy day money and I would use it, crazy to some but its my mouth and I have lost enough teeth between a crap diet and 8 kids causing crumbling. 
 
Positive today.  It is Saturday and I got up at my leisure this morning.  Its not like I had a late night lol.  This morning I am happy I dont have to rush to work.  I have a feeling that the next 71/2 weeks are going to be filled with lots of ups, down and leaf glueing.  This summer I’m going to take lots of photos and appreciate my children.
 
light on brightly
jacqui