Hogmanay is here

Its tradition here.  In asda this morning everyone was buying the bottleof whisky, shortbread & the necessary black bun.  I have friends who just dont get how traditional a country Scotland is.  When I was growing up you had to organise your first foot weeks in advance. The first person through your door after midnight brought good or bad luck so it was important to pick wisely.  You werent even allowed out the house until you had a first foot but thats one thing I dont follow with.
 
We clean everything. The windows are washed, inside and out.  Just before midnight every bit of rubbish has to be removed from the house. Leaving it free to welcome the New year in through the open window.  Absurd but true. We Scots know how to welcome a year.  I’m not sure why but New Year is a bigger thing here than christmas.
 
One tradition I do uphold is staying drink free until the stroke of midnight.  Then we raise a glass of whisky to those who have gone from our lives.  By that I mean dead not just fkd off.  I believe in heaven so that makes me smile and with a sigh we move on.  The new year is a fresh new book, not just a page.  Full of potential.  The end of hogmanay heralds amnesty for those who crapped on us.  I like to think as the old year leaves so does all the hurt and anger caused throughout the old year.  I always enter a New Year full of positive hope.  Its a whole new game for those who play with all bets cancelled lol..
 
Hogmanay is a clearing day.  Clearing the house and mind. For me its also archiving my 2009 journal. Start again tomorrow.
 
I wish you all a happy new yr
Lightbulb changed
jacqui
 
 
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What a difference

A year makes. Many of us do an end of year entry.  All are a mixture of highs & lows, mine included.  The years just tumble on don’t they.  I’ve had this space for over 4yrs and life just keeps going thankfully.  It nice to have memories.  Its even nicer creating new ones.  I sometimes think it would be cool to have a magic wand and give everyone exactly what they need. Not what they want but need.  Big difference I know.  It took me a long time to realise that wanting and needing something are different.  Personal desire isnt always good for us, I know this.  That was a tough lesson to learn but I did.  I also realise that just because we want something, if someone else is involved, it rarely works out.  I wish I could teach the world that the only one who can make anyone happy is that person you see in the mirror.  Its bullshit to make anyone else the centre of your world. I know men are more guilty of it but honestly, those who do are in trouble.  Resentment creeps in and before you know it what you thought was a perfect relationship is just dust needing hoovered up.  And (terrible grammar but it works) never ever think you can get it back; you cant. Brutal?  Nope.Just real..  If you get to real, hang onto it cos its the only way you’ll move on.  If someone didnt realise how great you were the first time around I’m sorry but they wont get it 2nd or 3rd time (I like to remind myself of that lol)
 
I wish I could fastforward time.  I wish I could zoop us all onto this time next year.  We will still be around, we will still be searching for whatever floats us and we will still be scratching our heads.  Except, unless we stop. Unless we accept all that we have, all that we are and make a choice to do all that we can so this time next year we wont be sitting thinking "if only".  I never "if only".  If it ever crosses me mind to go to self-indulgent if only I stop, take my head out my ass and accept, my life with all the wacky choices no one quite gets is down to me and I never negate responsibility;now that, thats a whole other blog.
 
I wish you all great peace, joy & happiness 
jacqui

Whens bedtime

I so wish it was bedtime.  My eldest cheekily put his washing into the tumble drier this morning.  2 extra loads to iron I could live without.  My world is already back to single parent nights so perhaps i should have left myself something to do this evening.  my 3 wardrobes have been sorted today.  All clothes have been put away and I have to stop buying clothes.  I just dont have any more room.  I might venture to the top of my triple wardrobe and sort my boots tomorrow.  Boredom has hit early lol..
 
My ironing had somehow managed to acquire 9 duvet sets, none of which were mine.  How the hell they go through 9 duvet sets in under a week is anyone’s guess but they did.  Alarmingly more from the smaller boys.  have i mentioned girls are pigs??  Well, my girls are.  My job is done when i deliver there ironed laundered clothes to there hands.  I never venture into there room.  My rule is if it looks unsafe I just dont go in.  I’m not the steadiest on my feet and they all think its funny which is not a problem, just means they change there own beds
 
I’m all typed out.  i have been trying to sort my 2009 journal into sub-sections, a quirky thing I do at the end of the year.  balancing my personal book is always a surprise.  It usually leads to tears and sighing but not this year.   Usually, I end up wanting to bang my head against some very hard wall.  swear at the useless year thats leaving and curse at my stupidity.  I’m not quite sure how it happened or even when but at some point this year the word fanny tattoed on my forehead was erased and not only am I happyish with the life I have I’m also content with the way I live it.  i dont pander to the whims of anyone and whilst i still give in. I am now fully aware of when i’m doing it.  My children are all healthy, happy and are growing into people that I like as well as love.  I realised this year that I can have a life with a job and my friends without guilt.  Ah, I need the full-stop.  I dont have anything else or anyone else that I have to make allowances for.  My responsibility begins and end with myself and my children.  To take responsibility for anyone else is an insult so I dont do it, ever.  maybe thats why I’m finally happy.
 
This has been quite a year.  i haven’t been anywhere; I haven’t done anything new and yet I dont see this year as a wasted one.  I still smile everytime i walk past a window or mirror.  i’m still loving the woman i see; She may not be normal but normal never worked for me.  i like being a bit wacky.  Wacky is fun to live.
 
Light on brightly
jacqui

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I wakened up with the strangest feeling this morning or rather sensation.  I thought I could smell cigarette smoke.  I’m the only one who smokes but I dont in the house (except for 2 per day).  I never smell smoke in my house.  i actually hate the smell, there speaks an addict eh?  Weird.
 
Anyway, today is ironing day.  I have to iron a mountain, get it put away and begin the whole bloody wash process again.  Beds, beds to change-again.  My washing machine has begun to vibrate when in spin cycle(YIPEE).  Its coming out to say hello to the rest of my floor.  Being me I just got it pulled further out yesterday and cleaned behind it.  My mother always springs to mind whenever I have to do something over and above the normal house thingy.  My mum pulls her appliances out a couple of times a month and cleans behind/under.  Her train of thought is you never know when your going to need to get behind them????  I think she just doesnt like boredom.
 
Okay, I have been up a while.  I have to brave the kitchen.  A 3 level house has a lot of advantages but first thing in the morning, I cant see them.  I just hope my kitchen isn’t as bad as I imagine..
 
light on
jacqui

Maturity or stupidity??

My younger kids seemed to understand when santa didnt deliver there ipods.  We have a surplus mailbox at the top of our street.  When Sandy cant get through the mail in a shift he drops it in the box to collect next day.  A note on ours states that its frozen and I’m hoping my missing ipods are in it.
 
christmas day was exhausting.  i dont expect to sleep and i didnt but kids were all up and screaming by 3.45am.  Goodness, it seems like it was forever away instead of a couple of days.  I fell asleep yesterday afternoon which meant I didnt sleep last night.  I am so tired.  I have a mountain of ironing to do tomorrow and with a house of kids I just hope they can amuse themselves.  Washing is up to date and I can almost hear the beds shouting to be changed.  Gggrr, hate beds.  I would tidy my bedroom but not sure were i left it.  F it, routine will descend in january.
 
Right now, its peace & joy to all. 
 If I dont like you though, I still dont.
O, and trackbacks are back.  Your permissions was sought and given with a "I not bothered".
Grammar was never his strong point but knock yourself out.
 
Light on
jacqui

-8 and dropping

Thats how cold it is outside my house.  Okay, I keep inside at 30 but I still have to venture out dont I?  The mountain of wrapping is now down to a brae.  Even Tv news has been in Bothwell which isnt far from me.  I tend not to stress about snow.  i have vague memories of being out in snow as a kid and I think I loved it.  Patchy memories used to frustrate me but I have so much fun creating new ones.  Every year I go out in the snow I giggle like I’m 5yrs old, such is the newness of me lol..
 
Kids are pasteing themselves to the walls.  It takes forever for Christmas Day to come around.  We did think of buying Jesus a present for his birthday but couldnt think what to buy.  This question pops up every year.  I just say he has the whole world, what could he want.  Then the list begins.  Kids can be so funny.  This year we have decided that he must have a new ipod but I’m sure thats been covered.  World peace is a bit of a stretch to hope for so we go for the simpler thing.
 
So todays tasks for me are change 8 beds, that will take up some time.  I have cheated, new sheets have been bought so all I have to do is iron my duvet sets and I’m ready to go.  I cant believe I used to change beds everyday.  Took years to get out that habit.  Tidy up my bathroom which seems to have become a dumping ground for damp towels.  I turn my back for one day and the floor is a tip.  The positive in that is at least towels are being used.  I havent ventured into the toilet yet, I hate to think were the toothbrushes are.  O and I now keep some hand towels on top of my pj drawers.  Freshly laundered towels, all matching sitting waiting to be used is so my thing.  Ok there’s about 120 in the pile but its organised.  It really is how my mind wants to be.  Its just not how it does things, my mind that is.  So many kids means even if my mind does begin to organise someone comes and f*cks it up..
 
Its a beautiful day
light on
jacqui