Feeling used

O dear.  Someone needs money again.  Not an unexpected bill.  A bill that was split into 2 halfs.  One in January, one due today.  In there defence, it was mentioned to me on Wednesday that they maybe short and could I give them the difference?  Yeh, blah, blah.  So today we have the big show of counting out our pennies.  Still £700 short and then comes the can I have your bank card?  Ok.  I paid the first lot in January, short by £600.  I was supposed to be paid £50 a week back but have only had £250 back.  “We” have a running tab so it just gets added on, no problem.  Okay I have 2 daughters who have birthdays in the next fortnight but thats never a problem, I cover birthdays.

I actually think I need some counselling.  When I show my distain I’m looked at as if its my fault they’re a financial car wreck.   I get a sigh with you’ll get every penny back.  Ok, thats when it suits him and his car bills are paid.   How many men hand there wife £70 a week with the words thats my keep money and what do I say?  O thank you.  Is it normal that a working man doesnt contribute to his home or any bills.  His kids clothes, shoes, christmas or birthdays.  Is it enough that he can do housework and take the kids out, do shopping.  hes a financial sponge that isnt improving with age,.  Worse, i give a very stern lecture and hand over however much is required.  Ah fuck, I blame my parents.  Beats the hell out of blaming myself.  What role models we are to our children.

jacqui

Advertisements

wonderfully done

Pizza prep got off to a bad start.  I managed to bin the half fat labels so kids wouldnt see.  I had forgotten 2nd son will only eat white mild cheddar and I had bought mature!!!  He knows the difference so frozen pizza taken out, straight into oven.  One kid down but six to go.

Eldest daughter brought down here recipe book and started collecting her ingredients.  Ok dont laugh, a recipe for pizza is obviously required if you’ve never made them.  Ive been making them forever so just get on with mine whilst she gets the scales out and measures.  By the time shes ready to start I’ve dough ready to make 6 pizza’s.  Blah, blah.  Some want tomatoe & red pepper base, some want tomatoe & basil.  Choices, choices.  To have plain chicken, spicy chicken?  My cooker is covered in flour.  I’m covered in flour.  Everything but the lights is covered in flour but at least they all manage to find the way into the ovens.  Dont know why I worried cos they all ate & walked away.  Eat then walk,.  I do that too.  I figure I slave to make there dinner so I kinda do the walk thing,  O, I should feel bad but I dont. 

jacq

Big mouthed mama

Well my kids like pizza, like most kids I guess.   Processed bases with “stuff” on top and full fat cheese?  So not my thing.  I had said we could create our own.   Some dumb ass put them on this weeks dinner menu for tonight (metal note to self, stop being said dumb ass).  So tonight I have to create a host of pizza dough and somehow cook 7 individual pizza’s.  Okay, its a big ask but I’m sure we’ll manage and if not I do have some unhealthy frozen ones in reserve.

Work has become a nightmare.  No staff and we were really busy this morning.  Standing on my feet for 5hrs isnt my idea of fun and I’m left with aching feet and feeling frazzled.  O christ, middle age has found me and I thought I had been so clever hiding.  I have been clever today though.  In exchange for a new tumble drier from my mothers house which I had picked (long story) she wanted a set of drawers built.  Man sent to do job with sickly daughter in tow.  9yr olds can be so precious.  Whilst there she asked why Nana & papa hadnt given kids there easter eggs and they hadnt had any from there aunt either.  Its such a shame when you forget things, isnt it she states sweetly.  Her papa mumbled and asked why his other daughter hadnt passed on the easter eggs to which Hope replied, well, she is quite old so maybe she didnt remember haha.  Love it..

Im going to become a washing bore so my apologies in advance.  A wash was done this morning but bless him he expected it to be delivered,.  He thought he’d get out of bed and it would magcally be in the washing machine.  I realised there were kids who hadnt had anything washed.  He also has a problem washing underwear belonging to any females so bra’s and shorts hadnt been washed.  Its not as if any of us wear anything other than shorts.  I can see his washing chore falling apart.  O I feel so smug lol..

jacq

chilled or manic??

Of course my darling little son managed the washing.  The little shit even managed to get everyone to put there washing away without a moan between them.  It was a breeze or so he said.  his chilled approach irritated the hell out of me but sitting in my garden after dinner i have to admit he got the job done.  No steam coming out his ears, no meldown from his brain and I think he secretly enjoyed coping far better than I usually do.  Ok, I did scowl, bite my hand and generally bugged him but fair play.  washing is done.

My son has a way of belitteling how I react to everything and today he was proved right.  darn but I hate when any man is right.  Having my son tower above me with a smirk on his face brought me down to size.  He’s right.  I get manic about washing.  I make it a huge drama and it doesnt need to be.  Ok, it was an easy day.  I had already done 2 loads before he got out of bed and he didnt iron but I guess no one cares except me.  I didn’t laugh when everyone collected there washing with him saying if you need anything ironed just let me know.  Wonder if he’d mind if I wakened him up in the morning? o and the school ironing?  That took 1hr15mins for  the week which is quick and efficient.

A well.   Its ok to pretend to have a mad hectic life.  I maybe manic on the outside but I’m chilled on the inside.  Honest lol..

jacq

appreciation

following yesterday & kids doing there best to sabotage my washing routine I told eldest he was on wash duty for one week.  Two reasons for that.  All kids are shit scared of him and I thought it would be a good idea to show him exactly just how much washing 8 people generate.

On getting up this morning I’m shocked to see everyone has put laundry in the baskets?  Clothes from the previous day I usually have to beg for.  Its all in baskets, even there socks?  Now, since eldest doesnt get out his bed till whenever I did put the washing machine on, I couldnt help it.  Its boys beds today.  One of those little jobs always done but never seen.  Eldest can do them at his leisure i guess and do them he will.

My school uniforms are still waiting to be ironed.  All kids have done there chores and I guess its my turn to do mine.  ive never actually timed how long it takes so maybe for fun I could do that today.  The fun just goes on & on…

jacq

Who me??

The week that was got off to a very rocky start.  A friend who over drinks came into work complaining about the amount of weight shes put on.  I said stop drinking vodka, that should help.  Big sis is sitting there and piped up O dont listen to her, shes a lush and can drink like the best of them?  Excuse me??  Ok, friend on seeing my face makes a swift exist.  I tell sis not to be so bloody rude and actually, dont you dare speak in front of anyone like that.  She was taken aback, stumbled over I was joking except she had done the same thing before so knew it annoyed me and rolled out,.  That was the last I’ve seen or spoken to her and that was Monday.  I actually feel an almighty sense of relief .  I didnt have to phone to check she was ok which normally sends me into a panic.  Despite having a phone code so that she knows its me shes not the best at picking up her phone.  i dont get people who can sit beside a ringing phone.  I had a saturday at home which was great.  I didnt need to get dressed.

Easter weekend and apart from the family I live with I havent heard from either my parents who live 10mins away by taxi  or sis who is slightly further, 15mins.  No phone calls, nothing.  I did say to the kids that whilst I’m sure they’ll have bought them easter eggs there is no delivery service available so sadly, no eggs.

My family just dont play a part in my kids lives.  It bugs me in my bored moments & makes me sad in the mad chaotic moments but as I get older I’m beginning to sit with the whatever attitude.  It maybe a bit childish to type love me, love my children but they are my kids and if you dont want to be part of there lives you cant be part of mine.  My sister has one friend.  Friend has 1 daughter whos birthday is a week before 1 of mine and she gushes about what shes going to buy her.  My kids get a card with money.  O that makes me cross.  The fact I sit in her cat smelling house for hrs on end every Saturday pisses me off more.  I may have a busy house but its nicely decorated and fresh smelling.   It maybe because I’m Mum but I dont see whats so bad that you would avoid my family. 

So no family.  I actually silently seethe.  My mother once said dont visit out of duty or because you think you should, just visit when you want to.  o that’ll be sometime between now and never then.  My Dad, in fairness is as bad.  They gush about there grandkids to there friends but they dont see my kids never mind know them as people.  Last time I took them all down to my partents it was a couple of years ago for my dads birthday.  They couldnt wait to get rid of us and my Dad phoned to to tell me not to do that again.  There 1 bed house is just to small for all my children at once.  Guess I should have staggered them eh??

This week should also have been my daughters 13th birthday.  All day Friday I was distracted.  I just thought I was out of sorts until my daughter Joy said You should be sad, its Jessicas dead day.  Cute.  13yrs since she died.  First year I havent opened the box I named all those years ago.  I didnt cry over her photos that my Dad said I shouldnt show anyone,  or the handprints my mum said looked “funny”.  Maybe its just a sad week and I’ve pushed it into anger.  I’m not bothered, whatever it is I have a busy enough life without bothering with people who arent around.

I have managed to keep up to date with my washing.  Despite my kids best attempts to save there washing up; apart from the school stuff its all been ironed and put away.  School stuff has been scowling at me since Friday but im ignoring it, it’ll get ironed tomorrow.

I’m off to bed.  Its been a long week.  I hope the world had a peaceful easter and if your thing is chocolate I hope you ate loads.  My Baileys egg is sitting untouched.  Not a big choc fan lol..

jacq

Tantrums & Tiaras

It must have been me that put a man into the mood that made him say enough & I’m off.  I hadnt seen him since Monday, when I’d been in a mood.  Ah bisto, I had told him to fk off and leave me alone.  Bless, he must’ve took it to heart.

He obviously thought better of his announcement and texted someone else that he’d come into work on Monday if we’re short staffed.  Its been noted that it wasn’t me he texted lol.  Hhmm, if my little nose wasnt knocked out before, it is now.  I’ve actually came around to the thinking that perhaps its best if he leaves.  If hes so bloody sensitive that only he is allowed to have a moan & and have  an off day then maybe hes better suited to not having a female team leader.

I dont like playing games.  Its tiring and childish and if he wanted or needed attention he should have just asked for it.

jacqui