My fault

Yup its all my fault.  I’m taking full responsibility for the moods of my 4 younger children.  It my fault since I gave birth to them.  Its not my fault however that Jack (11) didnt jump on the chosen pair of gloves before one of his younger brothers got to them.  Its not my fault that Lewis (9) didnt like his new Chelsea tracksuit, the one that cost £50.  It aint my fault either that the football top he wanted for his birthday, the one I paid £42 last month that was to small so replaced with a bigger size is.. to small.  For £84 I would have bloody worn it even if I burst out the freakin seams.  The much wanted trainers, the ones no one in school has yet I think reach his exacting standards but such is his mood they have been disgarded.  I’m tempted to send them back but I’m sure he’ll pick them up, eventually.  Its not my fault that daughter Hope (10) has found herself in a mood after visiting in her brothers room.  Not sure what caused her mood.  Her face is seething and she is silent to the question whats wrong so I’m rising above it.  I dislike children who play silent.  It irks me when they choose not to communicate and I have to retreat or go mad at them.  Finally youngest son Nicky (7) came home steaming mad.  he never needs a reason.  He just goes off on one and I hold my breathe till its over. 

I’m actually sitting in silence hoping there moods are absorbed by something that’ll appear quickly and leave without drama.  Eldest 3 kids are due back home in 15mins and if there moods are anything like the younger ones I’m not going to have a good evening.  I always feel backed into a corner, headlights shining on me when they’re all volatile.  I’ve been a parent for so long that I dont absorb there moods anymore.  I used to but as they multiplied I think I imploded one day and have never went to self blame since.  i allow my children the freedom to own there own moods.  This frees me from blame and I hope helps them to keep responsibility for there own choices.  Its good to teach little people tough lessons.  I dont get mad, I dont comment I just leave them to get on with it whilst remaining calm (fk this grown-up shit is tough).

Todays dinner is very easy so no prep work involved.  I havent had any washing from the younger kids this week despite asking for it.  They will have to rollover till next week.  The price they pay for ignoring me lol.  Its Mr B’s wash day tomorrow and since the teachers are on strike & I’m off work I will have all morning to do it.  O goody a full day off work to share with my children.