Lent approaches

Its the start of lent tomorrow.  How quickly this year is moving.  Lent is very tedious for me.  The kids start off with great intentions.  I do the usual blah, blah things.  Stop unnecessary shopping.  Stop using the internet for all but essential stuff.  Actually someone in work thought that was funny.  I’m not sure I like being laughed at but I can rise above it.

Lent is a time for quiet contemplation.  I dont do that well.  It allows me time to think & breathe and that scares me.  My life is as it is.  I dont need time to think about it lol.  I do pray.  I dont pray for devine intervention however.  I dont pray for the world to change.  Actually not sure if we’re supposed to pray for anything.  I dont ask for anything anyway.  I’ve never been big on the ask and ye shall receive ethos.  Jeez, maybe thats what I’m doing wrong.

I may or may not be back here within the next 40 days.  Is 40 days without wordpress, blogger, facebook and all other internet crap enough of a give up?  I’m not sure it is.

jacqui

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Absorbing Mr Bean qualities

If I start my typing by saying I am seriously hacked off.  That way we all get where i’m coming from.  As I had previously typed, bath inspection day was today.  i am my Mothers child.  I develop this weird standard bar when anyone is due to visit my home.  I must have developed it as a child.  I certainly can’t help it.  I spent most of yesterday washing my internal white doors.  Ok, mental note to self, dont ever buy white doors again.  I had expected Mr B to have tackled the bathroom.  White tiles should be spotless.  Floor shout be free from debris and sticky stuff.  Toothpast shouldnt be splattered on the basin.   You know, basic stuff.  No one expected him to put his hand anywhere near the toilet bowl.  I keep that area spotless.

He could have did something.  Even binning the empty shower gel bottles he & eldest insist on leaving on my window sill.  What the fk is that about.  I have a bin in my bathroom.  You cant miss it.    It may only have taken a few minutes for me to clean the bathroom but I’m thinking I shouldnt have had to do it (yeh Huff).  You know I’m tired.  I’m tired of sick kids.  i’m tired of juggling life around football.  I am just generally tired.  Ok moan over haha.

jacqui

Bored now

I was awake & out of bed at 3.30am.  The joys of sleeping with my youngest child.  He did start in his own bed last night.  He usually sneaks in beside me, I never notice.  I did last night.  I’m wakened to him barfing over my newly changed bedding.  O did he have to be sick over my white duvet cover.  Bright bloody orange of course.

I get up and change the duvet.  No way was I leaving my upper level.  Duvet is put in laundry bin.  Spare duvet is taken from the top of my wardrobe and I’m back in bed quicker than quick.  Quicker then quick last about 10mins as he starts being sick again.  Its my child thing.  They freeze as soon as they feel sick.  Another duvet is covered.  Nothing else for it.  I take him downstairs.  The sickness continues till after 7am this morning.  Even water was getting thrown back up.  No point in trying to sleep.  School kids start appearing at 7.30am so just get ready for work.

I did waken eldest on my way out the door.  He sat with his brother long enough for me to leave.  Youngest fell asleep and stayed sleeping till i appeared at 2pm.  O now he’s wide awake.  Not feeling much better but hasnt been sick since noon.

I did manage to get my duvets washed.  Not sure i’ll ever get the orange stain out but its being rewashed now and fingers crossed.  I decided this morning to closedown all of my profiles online.  Now you cant find a photo of me or any info.  I’ve grown tired of people looking my name up.  If people know me why would they need to look.  If they dont then they wouldnt obviously.  i actually feel safer.  I have attempted to remove my wordpress info from search engines but that appears to be a bit slow at catching up.  I hope it does because if it doesnt i may have to shift from here and move back to blogger.

Its a kinda weird thing.  i type here.  I dont mind it being read.  I just dont like the idea of being searched out.  I dont know anyone who would want to look up a middle aged boring woman.  That is all I am lol.  Frankly, its just creepy.  I guess most of us have googled our names I just wasnt aware of how much there was about me lol.  I am now and I hope its over.

I’m off to see if I can have a 20min nap before my chaos returns.

jacqui

Life, liberty & fruit of the loom

Title is a silly phrase.  i used to say it whenever I was confused or muddled.  I’m confused and muddled so typing it seems appropriate haha. 

I returned to my email addy with the intention of clearing some more old emails out.  I have over 40 crap folders.  My twisted brain never puts things into folders logically.  i found journal entries in the most rediculous of folders.  Fridge warranty had some really long, pained entries.  If I had ever been a normal person its not showing up in my filing system.

When I say to myself I’m going to sort my email account out I start with such resolve.  I then get into reading something that was once really important and I’m distracted.  I do get the logic of storing everything in my email account but its making life seem heavy going.  Its not that I’m feeling it.  I’m just sorry I ever did lol.

If someone would just take control of my email account, delete everything that would be fab.  I could start again.  Would I miss all the dross I’ve typed over the last 10yrs?  No of course I wouldnt.  I’m not very good at storing memories.  That was part of the reason for typing.  Maybe I should think about going back to the old pen & paper method of journaling.  I just always felt afraid someone in my world would read it lol.  Its true that i dont always think the best of the people in my life.  Typing it in private is one thing.  Having them see it would be quite another.  For all my demanding and noise making I only like confrontation when it suits me for my own ends. 

I really should be in bed.  Past shit is rolling around in my head.  I read a lot of stuff tonight that should have reminded me that in life, everything is always good, eventually lol.  Question though.  How long does it take to actually get to eventually cos I’m not feeling it..

Ni-night

jacqui

Strange is as strange is

Its been a funny old start to my Sunday.  When I came downstairs there was silence.  I opened my sittingroom door and all faces looked at me.  You know when you know your not going to like something?  I knew that was approaching.  I closed my door and it was in clear view.  One of my chandeliers had fallen.  I vaguely remember hearing a crash about 1am but I thought it was next door.  Anyway my chandelier is suspended just above my coffee table.  Short wire I guess.

It lookes very strange.  Obviously it should be on my ceiling haha.  I decide to eat breakfast.  I didnt eat dinner yesterday.  Hate when I forget to eat.  My stomach was cramping most of the night.  Go downstairs in my shorts and vest top.  The toilet door opens & out pops the head of eldest Gf.  She was out last night and since she was in my town decided to save on the taxi fare and just nipped back to mine?  O fky great.  A fkn half way house between here and home now.  I did point out that her dad actually lives in Cumbernauld as well.  She’s hugging my toilet bowl as I type.  Youngsters that cant handle there drink eh.

Plans for today.  I havent made any.  Apart from getting all washing removed from my kitchen.  Ironing the mound of school uniforms and not sure what else to do.  I have noticed that the kids have started to decide themselves when there bedding gets changed and I only have my own bed left this wk I dont have the bedding mountain I usually have on a Sunday.  The towels have all been seen to.  Not having a working bath or shower seems to have left the kids in a dirty zone.  The towel usage has decreased and I’ve managed to keep on top of them this week to.  I guess what my brain is thinking is what the fk am I going to do today?

I just hope when Mr B sees the chandelier I dont laugh as his brain thinks of an excuse.  Will he put it back up?  I guess so but not before he has a go at everyone else.  I’m not really in the mood.  Just put it fkn back springs to mind.  I have no doubt that he’ll have a nice relaxing day on a sofa, sleeping.  I can feel my anger rising and he’s not even up yet.  i know, I must be a total pain to live with.  I just keep telling myself that.

jacqui

It seemed to me on arriving in work that there was way to many staff.  I would be delighted any morning if that amount of staff appeared.  Anyway arrived.  Made up the float for monday & cashed up.  Quick in and quick out.  It just shouldn’t have been necessary.

I dont know the staff from Saturday.  My reputation has obviously went before me because they all gave me a wide berth lol.  Work is not floating my boat anymore.

Another Saturday at home.  Lots of washing and not a lot else.  I’ve given up trying to get it put away.  I know pile it high at the side of one of my fridges and I will sort it all tomorrow.  I think that’ll be easier than bellowing everyday.  Onwards.

jacqui

Manic Friday

More manic Thurs followed by a manic frid.  2nd youngest son came home from footie practice Thurs, started walking upstairs and fainted.  He got up, said he was ok and went into his bed.  I follow to him lying on bed with a left side abdo pain.  I go through the 1 to 5 scale and he says he’s at 4.  I dont go straight to panic lol.  I wait for a while.  He says he feels dizzy.  Ok maybe a drink is required.  Squash is sipped and he starts being sick.  Okay enough.  I phone NHS 24.  The bloody questions.  Its now almost 9pm, hes still has pain at a score of 4.  I’m giving an app for Monklands general at 11.30pm.  Monklands maybe my local general hosp but it doesnt treat children?  Anyway at least it has dr’s.

He continues to be sick.  Long story short and I’m not sure why but it appears that one sided pain is common with the noro sickness virus.  Mr Bean is told to keep an eye on him for the next 6hrs and he should feel better within 48hrs.  Its almost 1am when they get home.  His bed has been changed and he just wants to lie down.  Of course Mr b goes to his bed and I sit with him till almost 6am when he finally goes to sleep.  He sleeps so I do to.  Up again at 7.45 but at least we slept.

He spent most of yesterday morning asleep on the sofa,.  I missed work.  His brothers also missed school.  The hysteria of its contagious kicked in and so did the imaginary stomach cramps.  Nothing else to do but just run with it.  By lunchtime he had stopped being sick anyway. 

On a positive note I did have a long “discussion” with my eldest son about my lack of parenting skills.  How I allow all my other kids to leave stuff about without making them take responsibility for it.  How I shout to much with no effect and how, generally, he felt pissed off.  Now one thing I am good at is making soothing noises.  I let him go on & on.  I dont offer anything to his conversation and he just got frustrated.  Unfortunately Mr B came in when he was in mid-flight and didnt like what he was saying.  He certainly didnt like it when he started on him.  Anyway a woman with the control in the home is apparently no use for boys.  It should be a man who deals with discipline.  Well, according to eldest sending to rooms and grounding isnt discipline anyway.  I just allowed him to walk away huffing about he’ll be a brilliant parent.  Never a raised voice or a clenched fist to his kids.  Wonder why he does it to mine then??

Friday passed without a word from eldest.  I always think its cute when they give up lol.  My Saturday has been fkd up by another team leader.  Despite Saturday having its own team leader she cant cash up.  The other Team Leader who usually does is off sick and since I did offer to help its fallen to me to work.  I know I used to love working Saturdays but I only ever worked until 1pm.  I always had my afternoon free.  To add to the injury they dont know what time they’ll need me.  I’m sitting waiting for my phone to ring so I know what I’m doing.  I actually need to remind myself that I dont actually get paid for working.  I’m sitting here wondering what the point is.  If we could all just do our own jobs, cover our own shifts and take our heads out our bottoms we may actually make a bit more money 🙂

jacqui