This is my world

I sometimes speak in metaphors.  You know when you want to say something but you know whomever its directed at wont receive it well, well I do so in metaphors and if they get it, great.  If not I leave them wondering.  I also hit out song titles to people.  I have to really know someone well to share my musical taste.  I usually share music with men.  I find they work off a slower boil and they have to source the music before they have a clue what I’m trying to say.  I do it with Andy in work cos he’s a heavy metal fan and I like to annoy him with my rubbish as he calls it.  last night i had a freaky dream.  I receive a text with a song title, nothing more.  Its a number I dont recognise.  Anyway the song track is by Paulo narwhatshis name singing last request.  Em in dreamland I go to indignant partly because I have no idea who sent it & partly because of the content.  I send back Kelly Clarkson singing Gone.  Freaky dream lol..

I’m obviously relaxed because its Friday.   I may start a new routine for a Friday night.  Years ago when the kids were younger Friday night was spent online.  First with Noddy who got divorced, got remarried and well, that wouldnt work for me lol.  Isn’t it sad when you cant stay friends with someone.  Ok friends would so not have worked.   I still miss him though.   I then began to share with a woman who was a carbon copy of me.  Middle aged and disillusioned.  She got divorced and remarried & doesnt do any night alone.  I’ve never really created a new routine.  Think I should.  Okay so messenger isnt an option.  No one uses it anymore.  Facebook is great for chat but I dont really do chat so stay offline lol.  So, I may have to just open a bottle of wine and find something online thats really interesting to a half drunk oldie like me haha.

Today.  Today is passing isn’t it.  Still got dinner to prep.  House is tidy & I aint looking passed or under the tidy.  Washing is still ongoing.  Think I have one more load and I’m done.  Both tumble driers are on and so long as I remember to empty them i may actually get a wash free kitchen.  Its only a hope but fingers crossed lol.  Been a strange day today. 

jacqui

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Just a little bit silly

I collect things.  Some things are strange like my African figures.  Some are quirky like my buddha’s or my readers digest books.  Not sure  what catergory my little yellow ducks or my frogs fall into.   My little green frogs sit in my bathroom.  I have a little family surrounding my bright pink clock.  I have some sitting along my bath, my sink is watched by an old couple.  My toilet roll holder has a wonderful little frog perched at the side.  I had a little pair dressed ready for the beach on my radiator.  Both had a hand outstretched towards the other.  They were quite sweet.  Where am I going?  I glanced over & the little female one is missing.  My search leads me into my 3 younger sons bedroom.  On a bed is my little frog.  She’s broken & I’m sad.  Symbolic or what lol..

So what the hell am I supposed to do with him now.  He’s alone with his little hand outstretched to nothing.   I might just find him a new home.  I could put him looking out the window? Ah fuck and now I can hear Hue & cry singing Looking out for Linda (song from the 80’s, I know;  I’m way too old)

Well as today  limps to a close for me I have a plan for tomorrow.  I actually got my sons & daughters to tidy there bedrooms tonight.  Girls managed themselves.  Boys needed a little encouragement but we managed it.  I didnt have to bribe them with anything.  Wish there was a smug font but alas we dont.  So, tomorrow is tackle any washing I can find.  I’ve bought an 80ltr bucket and if I find anything on a floor, chair or sofa its getting washed.  i’m fed up with clothes being disgarded   I have 7wks at least off work so I’m not in any mad rush to do anything.  I’m going to no doubt change the house routines that dont quite work.  Rant a bit, stamp my feet and pout till I get what i want.   Should be all done by Sunday then lol.

O and finally my ipod has been found.  How cute is this;  Its found in my daughters bedroom.  One of my daughters even charged it for me.  Okay, great.  I ask if anyone has seen my earphones or perhaps I could borrow some.  Um, I’m using mine came the collective response.  Where are mine?  Thank fk in life the good stuff balances out the bad stuff but if I dont have a set of earphones in my ears tomorrow I may have to start singing, loudly.

jacqui

Time on my hands

Kids are now on there summer break.   Ahead of me I have 7wks of my real business, being a Mum.   Don’t kids grow up way to fast.  They moan that time passes slowly and its zooming by at an alarming rate for me.  I have said my goodbyes to work and i’m really looking forward to not being there.  I held on till the holidays like I said I would.  I know I will have to make the decision of whether or not to return but for today i’m just so excited about not being there.

I will still have washings to do.  Beds to change.  Toilets needing cleaned.  Dinners to prepare & orders to be given.  I will even have some attitudes to tweek.  Ah well such is a parents life.  As my kids get older I am becoming more aware of just how precious our children are.

jacqui

A daughters wish

I wish my Dad was here today.  I wish I could say happy birthday.   I wish I could tell him I miss the things he used to say; even when being told I wasnt getting his point.   I sat at his gravestone yesterday.  I put my head on the cold marble & had a good sob to myself.  Its such a beautiful place and I love being there except I hate the reason why.  His flower urns filled, his red apple shined and there was nothing left to do.  I’m not sure why but I always touch his stone as I leave.   I always say love you muchness which I always said to him in life & he hated it lol.  He would always reply aye right which I hope was his speak for me to.

I take comfort from knowing that whilst my dad left me here he has my daughter in heaven, wherever they may be.  God bless them both x

jacqui

To many additions

My next door neighbour has 5 kids.  Her youngest is a 4yr old daughter.  She’s very small & very cute.  She’s taken to walking into my house.  She appears at dinnertime tonight.  She popped up onto a chair and well, had dinner.  Little kids are wonderful.  They dont have either edge or agenda; they just are and I love that about them.  After dinner we come upstairs where she remains for over 3hrs.  Add to her another 4yr old who my sons have taken to playing with and I have 2 pre school children in addition to my own.  God, I’m way to old.  Kids twittering in my ears, fighting to sit on my knee.  It was like being in a time warp and I miss small kids.

On the other side of the sittingroom baby 1 who is almost 21 & girlfriend who at 19yr has more of a reason to be childish are doing my nut in.  They sit bickering and fighting till I cant stand it anymore.  With sharpness in my voice i tell them both thats enough.  They look at me open mouthed like I had said something wrong.  Adulthood is slow at reaching them both.

I just want some peace.  Quiet, I’d like a little bit of quiet.  Not to much but enough that I can think for a while.  Maybe its to much to ask for?  Work, I’m forgetting I go to work for “me” time lol.  I actually had a busy morning this morning.  I love what I do.  When I get to just stand and be I love it.  And why do people ask if I’m still volunteering like its not really work?  I work, I just dont get paid for it.  I met one of my cousins this morning who asked that question.  How do I explain something that just feeds my soul.  Okay I dont gain financially but I get so much more from it.  I dont need money so why would I go searching out more.

Um not sure what mood I’m in tonight.  I havent had my music in my ears tonight so I’m feeling misplaced.  We have no wind so not mellow sound from my windchimes which unsettles me.  I’m trying hard not to think about my Dad too much.  It would be his birthday on Wednesday.  Ironic that on his birthday last year I was told about his brain tumors.  I remember I had bought him pj’s cos he was in hospital.  Bloody stupid gift.  I didnt know he was going to die so I’ll allow it lol.  I keep telling myself how priviledged I was to have him in my life for so long.  Every now and then into my head pops a little bit of his wisdom and I smile as I remember his no nonsense approach to life.  I’m not like that though.  I’m to driven by emotion.  I like a quiet life with no hassle and I’m tired.   I’m also very self indulgent my people tell me haha.  I’m off to bed.  I’m rambling & I got my face to wash 🙂 ni-night

jacq

Home straight

In Scotland our kids break up for there summer holidays this Thursday.  They still have almost a week to go.  That doesn’t appear to bother my kids.  I took my eye off the uniform ball & despite approaching 11pm on a Sunday night my youngest daughter “forgot” to give me her school socks.  Its a waiting game for the washing machine.

Its felt like a rush of a day.   Lots of washing done & not a lot else.  I did manage to shower kids & feed them so its a win day I guess.  I’m getting a migraine so will just wait for washing  & go crawl into bed.  Ni-night world

jacqui