A big day

My Big sis is 50 today.  We’ve spent every one of her birthdays together since her divorce.  We now share her birthday with my Mother.  Anyway I think she had a good day if a little strained.  Whenever we had family get togethers my Dad and I carried the conversation between us.   Today its wasn’t so easy for me.  Whenever we’re together I really miss my dad.  Anyway I escaped to the beer garden for a fag.  That didnt make me feel great either.  Happy families and couples.  I’m not part of either of those groups really.   I did have a feel sorry for myself moment but it was a special birthday so I did get a grip quickly and enjoyed my non drink day.

Kids and puppy managed brilliantly without me today.  They even manged to hang my washing out so take-away for dinner & I didnt have to cook.  Back to reality tomorrow.

jacq

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Modern technology

Well you can teach an old dog new tricks.  I have just had delivered my very own blackberry.  I figure if my 11yr old can work it I can to.  A pain to get my email loaded and setting my my blackberry messenger should have been easier.  All in all for a woman who’s mobile came out in the 90’s I think i’ve done okay.  The modern age has indeed landed. 

Kids where a pain yesterday.  I was awake at 5am.  By 7am I had sent a couple of my younger sons had been put out my front door in there pj’s.  They did come back in, get changed and took a football out to play.  They didnt think it was funny when I burst there football but they did get that I was seriously hacked off.  Punishment for waking me up is always severe.  No money for a week for any of my younger 6 kids.  That to me is a saving of £35 and a lot of annoyance for kids.  I’m hoping they get the message because at my age sleep is required.

My little puppy is doing very well.  We have stopped the 2hrs play at bedtime and he now just sleeps.  He does waken up early but eldest daughter gets him and he eats well for her.  He now needs out in the garden whenever he wants to relieve himself but that means little mess in the house.  Well, little mess from puppy.  He now has 6 teeth and he knows how to use them.  Kids are still loving him although there noise level is as bad as ever.

Better go find something to do.  Football training is back on for my 2 younger sons so better just check kits are ready to go.  Bet someone can’t find the right boots.

jacq

Just a day

Well it is Friday so its a happy day.  Got up, had a shower and did nothing all day.  By nothing I mean I still cleaned the toilets & made dinner but that stuff is done everyday so it was a nothing special day.  I did get a dozen yellow roses.  I didnt get a reason I just got handed them.  I love yellow roses.  A bit mean but the first thought I had was they dont fit with any of my decor but I did put them in my kitchen.  For those who dont know my kitchen is Purple with lime green accents.  Green was always a big no-no in my world till I sussed I pay so I get what I want.  Mr B hates the colour.  He also hates plug in air freshners which I have all over my house.  Patchouli oil I discovered in my late teens.  I’ve always loved the smell and Asda have a plug in which has it in it.  Anyway, roses, they’re on my kitchen worktop.  They dont go with anything but I’m rising above it and I was touched they were bought & no, I didnt ask why lol.

I am amazed at how calm I’m feeling.   Since I got him I haven’t asked myself what the fk am I doing.  I’m occupied with puppy love.   I dont think anything or anyone could bother me (Yeh, that’ll change).    My little puppy has brought so much joy to my life.  I love him to bits & he’s so much fun to have around.  I remember my previous dog.  I got her when I was 9 and I adored her.  She lived for 17yrs and I was heartbroken when she died.  I always said I wouldnt get another dog but here I am with another dog.  Its amazing how these little bundles of fur just capture even the toughest of hearts.  I can look at him sleeping and just sigh & smile.

Okay the world and all its problems are still spinning.  I still have school bags to buy.  2nd son needs the jacket I bought replaced and I’m trying not to look to closely at my bank a/c.  Its frightening how expensive school stuff is.  I bought my 2 eldest daughters a pair of trousers each & a cardigan.  It cost £79, seriously.  I’m rubbish at returning stuff so minimal buys each until I know they fit.  At least my sons are ready if I can forget the bags.

Hmm think I’ll go and get ready for bed.  My 40’s have seen some major changes in my bed routine.  I used to shower twice a day.  Now I just have a morning shower.  I even put on pj’s.  Gone are the days of vest top & shorts.  I would type I go to bed alone but puppy comes with me.  Bless him cos he doesnt care what i’m wearing.

ni-night

jacq

Easy does it

Something happens when the sun comes out in Scotland.  Not only does the milk bottle white skin come out but people start to smile.  I decided to go to my Dad’s grave this morning.  Its lovely in the sun.  I can sit on the grass and mess with flowers.  I feel really peaceful & comfortable there.  Its one of my childfree zones.  I remember thinking I would never be able to be at his grave and not cry.  Now, I leave with a smile.  I have nothing to complain about.  My Dad was part of my life for 46yrs, I have so many memories locked somewhere that all I have to do is think of him.  He’s still right here within me.

Back home and kids are out in the garden with Fudge.  He really has brought out the very best of my daughters.  My son’s  are behaving slightly better.  It was fun just sitting in the garden watching them all play.  I didnt even have to cook dinner thanks to eldest.  Now all i have to do is get kids into bed and have a nice long bath.  Sometimes life just flows.  Okay not often but now & again is nice.

jacq

Okay, lets play..

I rarely delete blog posts.  Today I deleted a blog post titled Bored Now.  It had my name in it.  The cutie who searches off my name has been hiting it everyday.  Earlier on in the year they had a spell of doing that.  I do know they live in the Uk but nothing else.  I also know they dont ever, ever comment.  They look through recent posts.  I’m not sure why but I’ve always felt like they know me.  Is it someone looking with a judgemental tilt?  I’ve always felt it was.  Perhaps its someone looking to see if I’ve fallen on my face.  That hasn’t happened yet and I dont expect it to.  It could be someone looking to see if I’m happy?  As happy as I need to be.   Are they unhappy and looking to make themselves feel better?   I dont ever feel the need to hide.  I don’t have any reason to hide but now and again I get a little freaked by searches off my name.  Okay it maybe just me.  Now and again I change my settings and make this space private but why should I??  What I do know is suddenly the hits are coming from 2 different search engines.  Makes no difference I’m still just me.  If it makes them happy then fine.  Read away; I dont care. 

jacqui

Just a day

I’ve turned into the type of woman I hate.  I’m a dog owner.  I gush about my puppy.  I sat looking at him last night.  He was asleep in the corner of my huge corner unit.  He looked so small and peaceful.  I discovered last night he was develping conjunctivitis.  I go online and check.  By the time I came off he had so many symptoms of distemper I was really stressing.  A visit to the vet and he has an eye infection that is the probable cause of his loss of appetite as well.  I actually felt so much relief I could have kissed the vet.  Not sure my female vet would have appreciated it.  I’m sorry to admit this but I’m totally loved up with my puppy.

Kids have taken delivery of there school shoes.  Well, 4 of them have there shoes but thats a huge start.  I still have school bags and jackets to get.  i honestly dont know how some people afford uniforms.  Actually, I dont know how I afford them.  i just type in my debit card number and forget about it lol.  Add to that the vets bills and my wish list includes kids that’ll wear cheap trainers & jackets instead of sports makes.

Between puppy and kiddies I’m not giving much thought to anything else.  I’ve managed to clean my toilets, wash my floors and cleared my stairs.  Eldest managed to do a washing so at least somethings been done .  I’m very content but that’s because of little Fudge.

jacq