So, so

-+Lack of wisdom to solve a situation based on true facts is usually hushed and brushed under the carpet of attitude. In the company of nincompoops and idiots a wise person would be conveniently blamed for having an attitude and unfortunately it is true the other way around as well, because true wisdom is a rare commodity and some times people really are very stubborn.  Quote from Dr Singh.

I’m a bit fucked off with people giving me there opinions of me without being asked.  Some are quite cute.  Some are  offensive.  I know I scare folks.  Its not something I do on purpose.  Today one of my daughters told me I just look full of attitude.  I dont even know what that means.  I’m just a regular Mum.  I know I stand out.  I dont mind that.  I’m only visiting this earth so being one of those woman you see & remember really doesnt bother me.  I am bothered by being told stuff that I see as negative.  It seems to me that if they knew me they would perhaps be a bit more tactful.  I used to like being seen as a tough cookie.  Maybe its a bit to late to actually point out that things hurt me.

Its been a long day.  I wonder if thats an age thing or just a Jacqui thing.  Someone told me that not everyone’s world spins the way Jacqui’s does lol.  I’m still a bit of a spoilt brat I guess.  I like things to go my way.  I would rather have my way than fit with anyone elses.  The parent in me knows thats not possible.  In my head though all bets are off.  Its plain to me I should always get my own way; o if only.

Tomorrow night is going to be a woop woop night.  I never use windows messenger.  I didnt even have it loaded on any of my systems.  Trying to take life back to before it  got fucked up means its back.  I’m going to messenger just like I used to.  Different person but i’m going to thoroughly enjoy myself.   Its going to be weird going back to messenger but well as a Mum I wouldnt leave my kids with my 21yr old.  I got my playlist sorted, my wine in the fridge.  She was a really good friend 20+yrs ago.  Think it’ll be a long fun night.

Mr Little name searcher.  Don’t think I’ve forgotten you.  I’m to close to work out who you are.  The words I type are mine.  I’m attached to them in a weird way.  I type little bits about me & my world.  Who I am at least on the surface is here.  So with that in mind I did what any sensible person with an annoyance would do.  I asked 2 people who know me & pretty much all my life history.  My Mr wasn’t much help.  His suggestion of are u sure it aint yourself didnt help.  Its not me.  Mr when realising I was serious says its unlikely to be a man cos they wouldn’t read without dirty pics haha & if dirty pics where involved why would  they be reading; in his head he makes sense but he’s only in his 30’s lol.  I’m beginning to think its someone called lost in france (its complicated to understand the name).  Fk Mark if its you, I really dont mind you reading.  You I know would read.  I’m on your messenger contacts list so pop in if you see me on.  Talk to me.  If its you thats cool.  My Mrs thinks its someone else.  Also a man but I dont want to type a name.   Mr Tattoo man will do.    I can’t begin to think its you.  I dont know how I would react.  Candy dreams still sit on high shelves Mr Tattoo man.    You can message me on facebook.  Whoever you are can message me.  You know my name obviously.   I’m about ready to either close this & go to private or just switch to another blog site.  I’m pretty much done.

My ipod is playing Fly away from Here by Aerosmith (good song to say good-night).  I found that song about 8yrs ago.  Youngest was a baby & I hated my life.  I thought life was running away from me.  I found this song one morning when i was in a swing park with my four pre-school kids.  It was pouring with rain.  Somehow this song made perfect sense.  if you’ve never found it go search it out on you tube;  I love it.

ni night

jacqui

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Game playing

Sometimes I do entries on purpose.  I dont like having my name searched.   I had a Omg moment this evening.  I came upstairs & suddenly realised my little searcher had visited.  It was just before 10pm and suddenly a guy who I work with popped into my head.   We get on really well actually.  We’ve worked together for a few years now.  Once he got over his fear of me & relaxed we got into the stride of fun.  If he could curb his farting that would be even better.  Except why would he do that.  He sees me and get the usual surface stuff.   He doesnt need to dig any deeper and why should he.  Why should anyone.    A couple of weeks ago whoever my searcher is they like a drink.  They spelt my name wrong on a Friday night.   He would never spell my name wrong & he doesnt touch alcohol so I can relax. O and to be honest I dont know anyone who would actually bother reading what i type.  Maybe you’re  a speed reader.  Maybe I should put in a code word for you to remember??  I’ve gave up the idea your a past contact because you would have my email addy or be a contact on messenger.  Unless of course your a man & fear has kicked in. 

I’m seriously pissed off.  Even by this grumpy cows standards.  So I’ve changed my settings.  You can say whatever you want.  You dont even have to leave your email address but for christ sake leave something.  I’m so hoping your a grumpy old prune but I’ll take whatever lol.

jacqui

I’m a dreamer

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.
T.E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom

Sometimes I search out quotes that uplift me.  This one I love.  Maybe because i’ve always been a dreamer.  More than anything though it gives all us dreamers a bit of hope.  My dreams always stay big!

jacq

Overwhelmed

My 21yr old son is feeling overwhelmed.  I blame myself.  Obviously its all my fault.   I just take the quickest route to soothing rather than solving his problem.   I find if I just take complete responsibility for how my eldest feels he at least can go merrily on his way.  Okay just between me & you I cannot fathom how the fk its my fault.  He moans, groans and is generally a pain to be around.  Bottom line is he hates our chaotic mess.  I’m not mad keen on it myself but for the sake of my own peace I just rise above it.  I’ve learned to sigh deeply.  I dont move my childrens stuff just because I can.  I would far rather they did stuff for themselves.  I know I’m called Mum but that has never computed to slave in my world.  I actually feel quite happy tonight.  Do I really care that my entrance hall has shoes & football boots on the floor.  That schoolbags are only put away when eldest demands it.  Someone needs to tell my eldest to get real cos he doesnt hear me.  Kids are kids, they work at a slower pace than oldies.

What I wont put up with is having the only other official grown-up who lives here taking the Mick.   He left the grater out, puppy food & his bloody phone charger; bloody bits of carrot everywhere.  I hadn’t realised my kitchen worktop is a dumping ground for him.  Who the hell charges there phone in the bloody kitchen anyway.  I lose it when an area I keep clean is messed up.     I think that people should have a little more respect!   It goes in one ear & out the other with him.  Fk how totally frustrating to have to say the same crap over & over. Needless to say he tiptoed out the front door.  Relief that he can escape my wrath for a couple of hours.  O and it works for me too.  Youngest 3 sons have all went with him to footie.  I was told by one of the guys in work today that I scare all men who meet me haha.  I would have thought Mr Bean would have gotten over that but if not tough shit.  Me thinks he’s one of the few men  I dont scare but only because he doesnt get how much damage I could cause him haha.

So what am I up to.  Well, I’m sitting with my earphones in both ears.  I usually only have one ear on my music.  The other is usually left so I can here when my son’s start fighting.  Its such a pleasure when theyre out.  I become a worry free zone.  O I should mention I love all of my son’s dearly but boy are they hard work.  I have at least an hour of 90’s music.  God I miss the 90’s lol.  So much good music.  Happy days that are just a memory.  And no I dont feel guilty that  I’m not reducing my 21yr old stress levels by tidying up for his younger siblings.  That would just set a precedent that would be abused.

jacqui

Thats just the way it is

O children.  I would send someone out to find me some strength.  By the time the strength arrived I would need patience.  Today i need a bit of both.  Stuff bought for christmas has started to arrive.  Dissatisfaction has also arrived.  Much quicker than normal.  I turn away from all there comments.  I look to my ceiling 7 want to scream.   Daughter Joy had decided to get herself a new school bag.  New bag is okay but not big enough, yeh right.  Son didnt get the football cards he wanted so his toys followed his dummy out his pram.  That particular son however has had a bit of attitude since his sock incident this morning.  The result of his temper tantrum is a bag of crisps has been thrown down onto my rug.  I’m just going to leave them where they lay until he decides he better pick them up.  he better pick them up.

You see this is just one of the many bits of christmas preperation i dislike.  Its not because i dont like spending money.  I just hate how it seems to be okay for my kids to rubbish the things I buy.  i wouldnt mine but they pick them themselves.   I’m losing patience  & I’ve only just begun.  I’m hoping that things will only get better.

jacqui

Mum??

I hate when Mum is asked questioningly.  It  usually means someone has lost something.  i’ve always wondered why it becomes my problem.  It just does.  This morning it was Mum, have you seen my socks.  My heart sinks.  3 younger boys who all have there very own socks.  i wash them.  I even put them away.  Do I know where they go once my job is done?  Noooo.  I do reply yes, I’ve seen your socks.  I see them everyday on your feet.  Um he wasn’t amused.  I actually bite my tongue as I tell him I put them in your sock drawer?  Blah blah follows.

So Lulu isn’t having a good day.  I dont let him annoy me.  He huffs and puffs up to his bedroom.   He comes down with a smile & clean socks.  What I want to know is how the hell the socks got into his bedroom.  Thats not where i put them.  Have a great day.  Kids are all off to school so I know I will 🙂

jacqui