My New Years Wish

As 2012 crawls to a close I can’t say its been the worst year of my life.  Neither has it been my best.  We all survived it though didn’t we.  I hope 2013 see’s us all smiling, laughing & giggling just a little to much.  My Wish would be that all  this life brings you is all that you want it to be.  Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small.  that none of us have anything that God doesn’t think we can handle.  That those alone find happieness.  That those together stay that way.  That our little people stay strong & healthy.  That our older folks take comfort from wherever they can.

Most of all I hope we all get to where we want to be.  Whether we’re alone or with loved ones you got to admit life is better than none.  I wish you all a fabulous start to the New Year.  I shall raise a glass to each & everyone of you who have shared the woes of my life.

Happy 2013

Jacq/Jacqui/Jacqueline x

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I hate stuff

I’m assuming we’ve all had our Fireworks from WordPress.   The biggest thing I noticed was my top search engine terms.  My name and various permeations of it where my top.  Followed by how to change a kingsize duvet cover (seriously, some peeps need to get lives) & has garnier movida been discontinued.  A fabulous hair dye I used for years.  I found an alternative so me no care lol.  Over 150 hits from my name.  Thats excessive & a touch weird.  My top post was from 2011 titled get over it.  I returned to that post over & over again.  I couldn’t see the pull.  I’m sure I sent it to private for a while just because it pissed me off.

If things keep going the way they are my top post of 2013 will be one titled I hate stuff.  I am however going to use that title frequently haha.  Lets see how my little repeat reader likes that one.  At least now Google have change there setting I wont ever have to see my name in search engine terms again.  I’m quite relieved about that.

So for the very last time.  Your not a follower of my stuff.  I don’t know you.  I would give you you could possibly be someone that I used to know or married to someone but why??  Maybe you got a thing for double barrelled names & liked typing it.  I can’t see it anymore.  I hate stuff is an entry that gives you nothing.  I’ve read it so often I could almost retype it & there’s nothing there.  It gives no insight into my life.  It was a statement of fact that happened months ago.  Anyone involved in that entry has moved on.  Why can’t you??  If your an insecure woman, piss off.  If your an insecure man, same.  Find something else to give you your jollies, I’m bored now.

The plan for today is pretty much the same as yesterday.  Washing.  I have a lot less to do today than I did yesterday.  Kids have all been bribed to put it away there washing before dinner.  A McDonalds for dinner.  It will have to be eaten early since Scotland closes at 5pm tonight.  Everything goes to shut-down on Hogmany.  I have a busy enough day without having to think about cooking so early dinner works for me.   I have everything I need for the bells tonight.  Wonder if any other country calls the strokes fo midnight “the bells”.  In Scotland everyone prepares for “the bells”.  A second of time.  Then everyone listens to Auld Lang syne and the drinking begins.  This year I’m going to party big.  Now all thats left to wonder is who my first foot will be.  Another Scots tradition lol

jacqui

I’m hoping it lasts

If I can retain my kick ass attitude through to tomorrow I may have half a chance of actually completing my washing marathon.  I’ve lost count of how many washes I’ve done today.  Its all sitting on my large kitchen table.  My 2 tumble dryers are still on & I’m stinking from the smell of fabric conditioner.  Despite wahing my hands I can’t seem to get rid of the smell.

Tommorrow is Hogmany.  Not sure what the word means.  I guess Hogmany is a Scots word.  New Year is a big thing in Scotland.  i guess we just welcome the opportunity to put the fuck ups of the outgoing year behind us.  i used to get reflective but whats the point in that.  the things that happened in 2012 happened.  i can’t change anything & tbh why would I.  When 2013 hits I’ll be biting my lip.  I always want to cry when one year changes to another.  Not sure whether its relief or regret lol.  Then the party begins.  Never understood why we party either.

Finally, when I first started in spaces I formed friendships that are still going strong.  I don’t know anyone here at WordPress.  Its all very impersonal & I’m not sure I’m suited to that style.  The bus stopped for so many & they got off.  Maybe I’m wondering why I’m still here.  I guess I miss following other’s lives.  There’s nothing like reading someone elses woes to put your own into perspective.  Anyway for those who read for whatever reason I hope you have a fun filled Hogmany & a great start to 2013.  Thank you for reading; I really appreciate it.

jacqui

Sunday

I’m needing to just stay in my kitchen tonight.  I might as well.  I have had my washing machine & tumble dryers on all day.  I’ve hardly made a dent in the washing mountain.  I think I have still about 4 or 5 washes still to do.  My washer is super fast.  No way to speed up dryers unfortunately.  I dont really want anyone catching my bad mood so when I’m finished looking busy I’m going to just sit in the kitchen and huff to myself.  I may have a drink.  I got a bottle of Pernod for my Christmas & I’ve still to open it.  A pernod & Irn Bru might just make me smile 🙂

On the positive 2 of my younger kids are having a sleep over tonight with one of there friends.  Youngest child will only be missed by me.  I did lecture them all this morning.  I dont think for a second that any of them actually listened.  I did try though.  I have explained the changes to our family rota and I hope they all work with me.  I sometimes forget that when I only had one child I was an ultra strict parent.  I ruled my son so well.  Add another 6 children into the mix & I fail so badly.  Don’t know what I thought I was doing having so many children.  It all seemed easy when they were all little.  Its not so easy now they all have walking talking attitudes.  I dont even have a hope that they’ll grow out of it.  I never did.  I seem to spend a lot of my life holding on.  Holding on till my kids are all mature is taking way to many years.

Tonight I’m just going to get through as much of the washing as I can.  I’m not going to stress about it since my magic wand is faulty.  Tomorrow I’m going out.  I’m going to go visit my Dad’s grave.  Clean his headstone & linger a while.  I know I stand ther looking at the grass & over talk.  I have this belief that he’s somewhere listening to what I say.  Since his death I figure he now knows all about me.  The secrets I’ve never told.  If he’s disappointed & I know he would be; well not a lot I can do.  I sometimes feel bare standing at his grave.  If I was to be exposed to anyone I guess it may as well be Dad.    Tomorrw I’ll just tell him I’m trying & I’ll imagine him shaking his head in Dad style.   My Dad could cut my dead with his silence.  He was the only guy ho when going to silence let me know he was not pleased.  I’ll put some flowers in the stupid urns, shine his apples & walk away.  I just hope its not raining.

jacq

Large family blues..

God, god, god.  It was such a simple instruction.  Lift the clothes off your bedroom floors.  I didnt ask or expect them to tidy there rooms.  That little expectation is being saved haha.  I know how huge sacks of laundry travelling to my kitchen.  I know the sacks wont be filled with dirty clothes.  They’ll just be filled.  My job, they expect me to wash them!!!  I dont see that happening.

I am so tempted just to put the sacks into my bin’s.  O another problem.  The binmen arrived to early on friday so my bins are full already.  O Jeez, does it ever get easier.  Washing is my responsibility.  My children however have set wash days.  If they miss there wash day it carries over till the following week.  Is that a hard concept to grasp.  It’s not rocket science.  Neither is it my responsibility to remind them.  I am astonsihed that in under a week there rooms have gone from being tidy to being a total wreck.  You’d think there was 6 kids in each room.  The reality of 3 per room is really wearing me down.  I could weep when I see the total mess they create in days.  It doesnt even take them a week.

Now my eldest daughter at 15 thinks its funny to ignore her bedroom & go play outside with puppy.  Thats not working for me so I’m off.

jacq

Nothing to say

I went to bed last night with a kick ass attitude.  I have to pass my 3 younger son’s bedroom to get to my bathroom.  That in itself was a challenge.  I don’t go into there bedroom.  I couldn’t even if I wanted to.  The doorway is full of crap.  I don’t even bother to see what the crap is.  i go to bed huffing & puffing.

I’m bright enough to know if I say the same thing over & over nothing changes.  My children ignore my voice.  They think that whilst I can say a consequence I dont often follow through.  This makes my threats empty.  I have a new challenge today.  i let them all sit and watch a film.  When film was finished I told them all what I wanted them to do.  I have given them an hour in which to complete there bedrooms.  Thats lots of time.  I haven’t told them there consequence but thats already in my head.

I’m ticked off that I’m ignored.  Some are so bloody rude they walk away from me when I’m in the middle of talking lol.  It used to be cute, now its just ignorant.  I can’t even remember when the disrespect crept in.  Here’s my killer, I was never, ever disrespectful to my own Mother.  Maybe respect needs to be taught; what the hell do I know.  I always thought children imitated there elders but in my home that isn’t the case.  My children imitate there elder brother.  Lightbulb moment lol..

 jacq

I should have, maybe

Today was a very strange day.  I had decided quite early that I wasn’t going to go out today.  Another Saturday home was just what I was needing.  Kids all went out by 11am.  That should have been time to put my Mummy hat on.  Yeh, like that happened.  I did put a washing into the machine & turn it on.  Um, I must have got distracted cos its still there.  I’m not going to sweat it, it’ll wait for me.

I spent a couple of hours looking for a black tumble dryer.  Yippee except not as many around as there was last time I looked.  I usually get bored and give up.  This time I kept looking till I found one I think I can work with.  So I’m getting an 8kg sensor condenser dryer haha.  It matches my washing machine & will replace the bloody white one thats going to my big sis.  Her’s has given up after 15yrs.  I sometimes want to shake her.  15 fkn years with an appliance.  Who in the hell would use the same appliance for 15yrs.  It rattles & creeks.  It takes forever to dry anything & looks bloody awful.  I think one of us was swapped at birth, honestly.  I just couldn’t be arsed today listening to her but at least i’ve solved the tumble dryer problem.  I did go to avoidance & just text her rather than phone.

When kids came back I went almost immediately to a bad mood.  They come in & what looked like a tidy sitting room looks like a tip in seconds.  Jackets are thrown on the floor.  Think thats so the cushions already chucked off the sofa’s dont get lonely.  Can’s of coke are opened, crisps are devoured & I’m ready to scream.  My mood pretty much hung around until almost bedtime.  Bedtime thats a joke.  Boys go upstairs and forget why.  Its after 10pm & I can still hear them giggling, bless them lol.  I then have what I call a blah, blah conversation with my eldest son.  I sometimes feel like pointing our to him that he’s 21yrs old.  He’s not supposed to want to have conversations with me.  He was in fact in a judgemental mood about one of his friends parents.  No point in pointing out that parents are people too & entitled to a life.  I haven’t managed to convince him about that yet.  i’VE NOT SET

So.  I’m still awaiting my repair to my cooker so its not perfect yet.  My new tumble dryer is on order.  I still need to replace 2 bits of worktop vandalised by my 12yr old son Jack.  He chipped off the edging with a knife & it looks awful.  I now know what the worktop is called.  When I have a bored moment I’ll source it, buy it, get it fitted and smile.  Then I just have another 2 dining chairs to replace & I’ll be happy.  O not happy with everything but with my kitchen. 

I know.  What an exciting life I lead lol.  I worry about the silliest of things.  Every wee thing can become a major drama to me but heh, keeps my mind busy.

jacq