From me a big thank-you!!!

Why would you put into a search engine “Jacqui needs somewhere to go today” not once but twice. Somewhere there’s a poor Jacqui. Alone on this Easter Sunday & stuck with nowhere to go lol. She aint me. I’ve already been out shopping and been to work. Our shopping centre looks weird on a Sunday. The only shop open is Argos. Even the car park doors were locked. I had to walk, yes walk to gain entry. Long story short Mr Manager doesn’t listen to me. I had told him my week off is not this coming week but he didnt register it & I had to go check the rota for tomorrow. I love when our shop is empty. Its peaceful 🙂

I love the end of lent. For me its an end to our reflective period & a time of celebration. A time for renewed hope in not only ourselves but in the world. I always feel excited on Easter Sunday & I don’t even like chocolate. Even our time has had its silly little piss about. We’re now in BST woo-hoo. Summer has arrived. It doesnt matter that our roads still have snow or that we lost an hour in bed. Summer has arrived. For those in England will you nitice the difference? In Central Scotland for the next few weeks it’ll look like winter in the evenings. Our children will be walking home from school at 4pm in near darkness & that’s not safe. I wish they wouold just leave time at GMT and stop pratting about.

I have a full house for dinner today. Natalie is my eldest son’s girlfriend. Don’t remember ever using her name before. Anyway she’ll be here and even Mr Bean will be at my table. Its my table and he’ll be allowed to sit at it lol. Easter & Christmas, think I can cope 🙂

I hope you all have a great day with people sharing the joy.
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Sorry forgot to post. I got busy doing stuff. I’m done for today. Dinner was fab!!!
Jacqui

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Perfection isn’t required

I’m going to be quick. Its 11pm & I really should be heading to bed but, well. I went to my sister’s house today. I was looking out her window & saw a streak on it. I was so bloody distracted that I got up & cleaned it. A stupid mark on a window. Did it matter that the window hadn’t been cleaned perfectly? No of course it didn’t. She didn’t give a toss. I shouldn’t have given a toss but I did. I sat back down and had one of those moments. You know when something that you know made sense suddenly doesn’t anymore. I laughed out loud. For fuck sake. I often wonder what the fuck happened to me. Me, giving a fuck about a mark on a window. I came home and looked at my own lol. I don’t have a window cleaner. What I do have is a bottle of Mr Muscle window & glass cleaner in most of my rooms. Yep, I’m obsessed with clean windows. I’m going to leave my windows for a week and see how I cope with that haha.

A need to seek perfection isn’t good. I’m not sure I would ever strive for perfection. Who could reach it anyway & the pressure to try would be beyond me. It’s a bit like being happy. It’s all in the individuals perspective. Okay I’m obviously over-tired. Eldest isn’t home & I hate being the only adult in my house. He hates that I count him as an adult so we’re even. Other kids are all asleep. Even puppy is asleep. I’m off to bed & since our clocks go forward an hour tonight or at 1am I better head to the shower.

O and my little stalker be you male or female you’ll get this. I remember what today is. I had forgotten until last night. You can’t forget my birthday so why should I forget yours. In my world though, its just a day. Remember that year you sent me a text on my birthday? Me neither & unlike you I’m happy with my phone number:)Ni-night
Jacq

A long day

After the boredom of last night I was relieved to go to work this morning. I wasn’t so pleased on my return. A lost item meant area’s of my home usually tidy had been pulled apart. I have no idea why its so bloody easy pulling stuff out & yet when it comes to putting it back its to much of a chore. I wouldn’t have minded except I wasn’t here & yet it seems okay to just leave it looking like a shit hole. Ticked off didnt come close.

My home is mostly sorted & onto dinner. I cook it, serve it & 3 kids decide they’d prefer ready meals. I seriously don’t know why I bother. I move swiflty from ticked off to rabid. Do I mind? Yeh but did anyone bother to ask. I can’t wait until bedtime. I may just sit on my sofa until I fall asleep.

My mood isn’t great. I went to my Dad’s grave today with a new glass apple. Why is his headstone still looking shiny & new. I seriously hate the fucker. It says Robert which my Dad was never called. It then says “Bert” which was his name. The killer for me is the plinth. In huge gold letters we have our surname, Young. I would have preferred something like Peace at last but my Mother wanted to have his name. Yeh I get it, if you wanted to go looking it would be easy to find. Its just a bit in your face. I didnt even talk to him. I just said sorry for not visiting in a while. I know, he’s not listening but you never know. He could be somewhere watching me. What do I know lol. I’m off not that there’s a space on my sofa’s for me. I might just go have a bath.
Jacqui

Why doesn’t it feel great??

I’m down to only having 3 kids home. Other’s are off for the night. I’ve got work tomorrow so won’t see them until 2pm. I should maybe be feeling happier? What am I going to do with myself. I may as well be alone. The kids that are left are trouble-free. I like my trouble lol. gradually I’m getting my life back & I have no idea what to do with it. My friends have moved onto grandkids or are still single & have a life. O fuck is it that time already? Do I need to start thing about getting myself a life that doesn’t revolve around my kids? Where the fuck have the last 20yrs went:)
Jacqui

It works for me

My youngest child is challenging. I can’t put it any simpler. I describe him as the Devil’s child & sometimes he is. He’s manipulative, demanding and usually a pain in the arse. As the goodness has chipped off him as he’s gotten bigger its been replaced. Sullen, cheeky attitudes have replaced a joyous, loving child. I know from experience this stage will last till whenever. My eldest at almost 22 is still going through it. I use whatever works for me. Bribery works very well. His behaviour in school has changed dramatically over the last week. A simple “your friends are most welcome if your behaviour is an acceptable standard” has worked wonders. His behaviour has been “fantastic” and that word has come from his teacher. Even better his 2 friends who also have behaviour cards are only welcome when there behaviour has been good. Yep I have 3 well behaved boys who eat a mountain of Doritos every school day.

For some reason my brain is working off dim today. I just can’t seem to string thoughts together. I start a thought & then it gets jumbled up in amongst others. I hope I’m just tired rather than losing it lol. I better go whilst I can still remember how to create a lasagne. Our menu planner should really think before she writes things down.

Jacq

Messed up

In todays modern world we can call ourselves whatever we want. I personally have a double-barreled last name. My “own” name & my married name combined with a little hyphen 🙂 I’ve always liked it. I’ve had it over 20yrs. As my children get older they will become doubled barreled when they reach 16yrs & it’ll be their choice whether they take that name or just there dad’s. Eldest is just the same as his Dad. There was no doubt in his mind that he didn’t want my Name. My 2nd child has opted to become a hyphen user but I think that’s more snobbery than acknowledging my input.

In work we have women who are widowed, separated or divorced. All those divorced have retained their spouses name. It just got me thinking. Why are divorced women hanging onto names of men they’re no longer with. I accept if you have kids of school age its more complicated to revert to your maiden name. You’d be setting yourself apart from your children & I for one couldn’t begin to explain that little one but if your kids are grown up or if none were created why keep his name??

I’m personally very proud to have kept my maiden name. I was one of two daughters. My Dad didn’t have a son to carry his name on. May not be important now but to me, it is. Mr Bean has 4 son’s to carry his name on. I’m just hoping my other 3 son’s piss him off by taking my name haha.

Jacqui

Where would I begin??

If I was to start reading someone’s personal blog I guess I would start at the current stuff. I like to know exactly where someone’s come from so would quickly go back to the start lol. Maybe the end is the right place to start? Maybe the start isn’t as important as the finish. I wish I could believe that. I’m a chaotic mix of lots of things. My insecurities, my big mouth, my know it all attitude, my been there & not ever going back attitude. All of me I hope has changed as I’ve grown. I’m a great believer in life lessons. Once you’ve learned the lesson you can move on. Somethings I’m happy to learn. Other things are terribly difficult for my brain to get around but I do try. I really try hard to get my lessons right.

I’m not sure why but I have a frequent returner to an entry typed last July. It was what I’d call a nothing entry. It said nothing & yet every day its read. That does my little head in. I start to think their must be something in it. I typed it & I can’t see it. I typed that I’m happy. I know, I sometimes wonder why lol. I’ve grown simplistic. If the inner me is at peace & I can put the shit of everyday life out of my head I am genuinely happy. That’s a result of a conversation with someone a few years ago. They were pointing out my many faults & I listened. I think when they accused me of putting things & people in my little convenient boxes I was shocked. Perhaps because they weren’t that far wrong. Lesson learned & I stopped trying to control everything & everyone. What I really need better control of is my 9yr old who has fallen on one of his arms so now I have to wait to see what the x-ray shows up. Gotta love kids. I didn’t get to the point of this entry but maybe I don’t need to.

Jacqui