Woman’s lot

I guess I should type that this entry is going to mention periods, hormones & me being emotional so if you’re not comfortable reading about that shit; bye. Still here? Okay when my period starts I become an emotional wreck. I used to get angry and argumentative. Now everything just makes me sad. Even a dirty spoon in my sink makes me feel sad & under valued. I know it’s not really how I feel but for me its 9 long days a month when I don’t quite trust my feelings. I don’t even remember when it started. The anger left & if I’m being honest I could cope with anger better than what I feel now. Not sure how everyone around me feels.

Then we have the weight gain. Seriously 7lbs?? That little annoyance started before I got diagnosed with endometriosis, o & that’s a lovely visitor. I feel like I’ve had a muscle ripped & just left in my stomach. I don’t know where the hell I thought the pain would be but its a high stomach pain for me. My lovely GP said menopause will end that pain but who the hell can predict when that’ll happen. Whenever I get my hormone levels checked they’re always normal. I can’t wait to be told I’m peri menopausal. Um actually I’m not sure about that.

So anything I type during the next week could well be just a symptom of my hormone levels & not a true reflection of what I’m feeling. Life should slow down a bit. Tomorrow is my last day of work for 8 weeks. My children will infuriate me & I’ll annoy them. I love creating a new routine for me & the kids. It’ll be nice not to stress about making packed lunches or ironing school uniforms. My, I’m feeling better already.

Jacq

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No nickname required

This entry is for someone specific. You are the only grown-up I ever had a nickname for. If your reading this it’s for you. I won’t contact you directly so this is the only way I will communicate. If you’re struggling & still feeling numb you do you that I’m here for you. I felt that if I contacted you when he died it would be taken the wrong way. It wouldn’t have been seen for what it would be. One parent reaching out to another. I don’t want you to think I don’t give a shit but the reality is I don’t feel its appropriate to contact you. The reason I’m typing is becAUSE i had a weird dream last night . YEP, I’m still a wacko but the dream suggested you’re struggling. You can contact me if you need anything you know that don’t you?? If your thinking time has moved on your wrong. Its us as people who move on but we don’t have to stop caring..

Jacqui

What a day

I did manage out for a couple of hrs today. I even managed 2 bottles of beer without feeling rough. By the time I got home I’d lost a daughter to a sleep over & gained a few 20 somethings. Party in my sons room & a party next door. I better not hear sex noises tonight.

I’m off to sleep before youngest wakes up. Nighty night world.

Jacqueline (someone wrote my Sunday name down today & spelt it wrong so I’m just typing it cos I miss it lol)

late night

Baby child is back from hospital. A glue line of 3” is sitting at the top of his head. He’s to keep it dry for 5 days but can’t see that happening. He looks angelic sitting curled up on the sofa fast asleep. I’m sure kids don’t realise how blooming precious they are.

His older sister fainted when the dr was looking at Nickys cut so that extended the stay at hospital. Funny how you take one child & in a split second its all about another one. A quick check on Joy & I’m thinking it was just her way of coping since her stats were all normal. My way is always the same; don’t look unless you have to..

Eldest seen the photo on Facebook & is relieved he wasn’t here. He’s very like me, hates blood & panics at the sight of it. My friends hubby had seen it & offered help cos he knows what I’m like. My next door neighbour who’s a midwife came and offered butterfly stitches which was nice. Nicky would have killed me if I’d have put them in his hair. People are very kind when the shit hits the fan.

He does need checked every hour so I’m in sittint room with him. I think I should perhaps just put a sheet on my sofa & call it my bed lol. That’s the second time he’s knocked his head so hard he’s needed it glued shut. This time though he got a fright. I just hope he learns from it.
Night world
Jacqui