Its almost done

It feels really weird sitting on my pc chair typing in this space. I like posting from my bed haha. I thought I should at least try & get this blog back up on my old pc. I was beginning to think if I didn’t do it, I never would. I do admit I’m still a stats junkie. I have my morning routine. I Check my emails, pop into Facebook, my bank & my stats. I’m always amazed that whilst I’ve been asleep people in the UK have visited here. Seriously people, why at 6am in the morning would you have a look in someone’s blog. I’m tempted to type get a life (oops, I just did). I am glad that they at least take a holiday.

So in the words of Barry Manilow life goes along as it should. All very nice just not very good. My dislike of June is quickly followed by my dislike of July. Dad’s birthday in June is shadowed by the anniversary of his death in July. I sat at his grave this week & asked has it really been 3yrs? Yep, no answer. I chose to ignore the blasted tears welling in my eyes. I don’t cry at his grave anymore & yet sometimes, they appear when I’m not prepared for them. I waited until I got a grip before leaving. I guess I would sum it up by saying it gets easier, except it never really does. Thats the best I’ve got along with death sucks but that will never change.

On a brighter note one of my online buddies got married at the weekend. We met in a Mums forum many years ago. We’re like mirror images of each other in personality & I’m so very glad that she’s finally found happiness. Sadly, I didn’t manage to get to the wedding but pictures have been seen & I’m sure she’ll be very happy. Okay, I’m tired of typing lol. I’d forgotten that engaging the brain is required for this shit. You may have noticed that I have posted some stuff but kept it private. I don’t want to share some things so I wont. Ni-night world.

Jacq

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Just a sprinkle

I can’t think of much in the way of gratitude tonight. Thanks must go to my son Lulu who found toilet roll tonight. 5 females in one house & you can guarantee it’ll run out when I need it most. My hormones are raging & I could cry for less. At least I have a reason for my down mood earlier in the week. I hate the way hormones mess with my mood. I’m pretty sure I won’t like the menopause either but heh, I am female. I may have to sprinkle some happy dust & just let it settle on my head. I’m just not sure it would be absorbed..

I’ve had a bitch of a week. Every time I cleaned a room I turned around & it had been destroyed. My youngest child is 10yrs old & I don’t get why collectively they all still make so much mess. My perfectly tidy, clean bathroom has towels slung on the floor & I would scream but that might awaken the kids who dumped them. I so wouldn’t want to do that. I’m just going to brush my teeth, bleach my toilet & be thankful that tomorrow is another day. Night world.

Jacq

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Simples

I had a lightbulb moment today. I was sitting talking to my sis. She would fight or argue with anyone. If I don’t agree with something she says, she repeats it. Cute but annoying. I don’t have a comprehension problem. I just have a different opinion sometimes. She likes nodding heads to agree with her, her opinion should always be the only one. I don’t mind if peoples opinions are different from mines. Each to there own. I think arguing is a waste of time & energy. I said is it not easier just to forgive the apology you never got. If its an apology you should have given & you didn’t go ahead and forgive that to. I maybe the sister who lives in the purple bubble sprinkling fairy dust but I’m happy. I don’t hold grudges or resentment. I think that’s pretty cool. Its past 1am so I guess I should get to sleep. Night-night world

Jacqui

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No title is a good title

I got up with a sinking feeling this morning. I plodded downstairs, opened my sitting-room door & there was someone I didn’t expect to see. My eldest son who had been warned that he may be made redundant. He’s now jobless. On the positive he has got balls which is more than the lying bastard that let him go. Mr Eldest is very chilled about it all. I’m raging with nowhere to direct my wrath to. I’m going to keep my mouth shut & let him deal with it in his own way. I’ve no doubt he’ll get another job but when..

Today was never going to be an easy day. I can’t believe 3 years have passed since my Dad died. I can close my eyes and be back in that day. Life has continued. It feels a bit like a healed broken bone. You know its better but it still feels tender. Maybe that feeling will never leave. Life keeps going though. No matter how lost you feel or how much you wish someone back its impossible. So I went to the cemetery today. I didn’t take flowers but a new apple & his favourite chocolate just to fill a space. I sat on the grass & chatted. I like to pretend he’s listening and if that’s a bit weird I don’t mind weird. A couple of rows up the 2 grave diggers where filling in a grave. Death sucks but it sure puts life into perspective. I feel so angry today which is very unlike me. I want the world to sod off & leave me to wallow, just for today I want to be indulge in thoughts of my Dad. He may have been a grumpy auld yin but he was mine. He’s still loved, still thought of & still missed every day.

Jacqui

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