Too cute

Kids know how to embarass us parents.  Last night I had a groovy time with my 10yr old.  We went to parents evening for another child.  Youngest was being cheeky so I said ” I beg your pardon”.  He replied with “have you turned down your hearing aid again”.  Yeh cute.

On speaking to my 17yr olds Maths teacher I commented that sometimes she didnt appear to have grasped the basics.  He stumps up “Sometimes she asks me for help but she wont learn if I help her”.

He knows everything like most young kids.  We’re walking back to the car (I walk, he runs) & i tell him to pull his trousers up.  Not everyone wants to see your Spongebob boxers I shout after him.  He stops & turns around.  O God I think.  Just because yours are always black he screams & so is your bra.  I so wanted to scream he means black as in the colour, not that they’re dirty.  Love that little munchkin but guess who’s getting left at home next week for the next one.  Yeh me, he can obviously handle them lol..

Jacq

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Dear God..

As a child I always spoke to God out loud.  I never bartered I just had a list of demands lol.  I obviously didn’t quite get the idea of prayer until I got older.  i didnt understand that there was an acceptable way to request things rather than demand.

I got older.  I began to learn structured prayers & I used them.  When I was in church I’d still do my chat thing.  I just learned to do it in my head rather than out loud.  I could count on one hand the times as an adult I’ve truly prayed for something.  As is typical usually to late but I accepted that perhaps another path is right.  I’m not God.  I just breathe deeply & move along.

Today I joined The mcMillan Snowflake appeal.  I bought a snowflake in memory of my Dad.  As I sat typing his name I wondered about all the tears I’ve cried since he died.  All the times I’ve wished he was here.  How I wish I could see him.  If I could write God a letter I’d ask to always see my Dad in my dreams.  A healthy Dad & not the man I seen the day he died.  Today I don’t miss him anymore than I did yesterday.  I miss him on all days.  Sometimes though I really ruin my make-up doing that crying shit..

Jacq

Substitution is never a solution

One of my colleagues follows my blog.  She commented this morning that I don’t type as often as I used to.  I should maybe feel guilty.  At the very least I should feel embarrassed.  Perhaps she was waiting for an apology & if she was she was disappointed.  If I’m not typing it just means I have things going on in my life.  I don’t always have the energy to take “time-out” to type.  If my time is required in my real life then so be it.  I’m okay with that even if she’s not.  I don’t get excited if a new follower appears.  i certainly don’t stress if I get unfollowed or let it worry me.  I find for me stepping back & seeing where I am in life is much more important than making sure I’m typing in any blog.  i remember reading a blog I followed a couple of years ago.  They posted every day.  I cannot imagine the pressure of making yourself type each & every day.  Tbh my life is way to dull to even contemplate a post a day.

You maybe wondering why I’m telling you this.  You little or big strangers that will never meet me.  Your reading this & thats why.  You have taken precious time out of your day/night & your actually reading.  Thank-you.  From the deepest depths of my soul I appreciate your time.  This blog is really about my kids.  Sometimes its about how I feel & sometimes its about dross.  The naff stuff that frustrates the hell out of me is usually here.  It will never have any great personal content because I’m not the hang my  laundry out type. I’m a Scot we don’t do emotion unless we’re drunk or dying.  I’m neither.  I don’t think sitting typing is any substitute for a real life.  It just deflects from it.  My little stalker has gone again & I’m honestly feeling relieved.  I guess they’ll be back hitting on recurring dream or life, liberty & fruit of the loom.  I now smile when i see those titles in my top posts breakdown.  I decided to just wish them peace & hope that they find whatever lol.  I hope they know whenever they’ve stopped by I know but I’ll never again stress about someone unknown.

Real life is shouting my name.  Dinner to prepare.  Chores to check & some school washing to do..

Jacq

Fed-up…

Today was looking so good.  Work was fine.  I had dinner planned in my head & everything should have been easy.  I always forget to factor in the moods of my kids.  They pile through my front door discarding bags, jackets & shoes.  My hall & kitchen are a mess in a nano second.  I breathe deeply as I shout them down one by one.  Every bloody day is the same.  Jeez i get so pissed with the same stuff day in, day out.  Same shit, just different days.  Why is it so difficult just to open a cupboard door & put  stuff in??  My mood turns & my resolve to stay calm leaves.  I seethe as i prepare a lasagne.  I make my lasagne & its eaten.  I noticed that no one bothered to say thank-you & I’m annoyed.  Clean plates isn’t thanks.  Its plain rude & I don’t like it.  have they dropped good manners & I just haven’t noticed or was it just tonight.  It seems the more effort I make the less they do.  Its a combined effort to demoralise me  & its working.  I’m totally fed up.

I sit down at my table to have a cup of coffee.  I shout on 2nd son who’s on dishes duty.  O the little smart arse doesn’t eat lasagne.  He reasoned that since he doesnt eat it he shouldn’t have to wash the dishes.  He flounces upstairs thinking he’s won & i let him.  i know what I’m planning & I know I’ll be the winner.  I wash the freakin dishes.  I even managed to dry them & put them away.  I ignore eldest & Gf laughing & giggling but I feel my anger rising.  I come upstairs & go around the room.  Every child with the exception of eldest is on my chore rota.  I ask how many have completed there chores.  Two, only two out of six.  Who at least attempted there chore, none.  I point to each of them & said one word, bed.  I sent foUr of my kids to bed at 6.45pm.  No supper, no tv just straight to bed.  I’ll do the same tomorrow night & the next.  Until they learn to do whats expected of them they won’t get pocket money ot tv time.  If my 17yr old & 10yr old can manage it I’m pretty sure the others can.

I can do this.  I can teach my kids that they have to be responsible for there own choices, not me.  My desire for my kids to at least attempt there chores isn’t because I’m lazy.  Its because they make the mess & Mum does not equate to slave in my world.  I’m in pain when I stand up never mind stretch to my high cupboards.  I know I’m usually the one saying its okay, try tomorrow but tomorrow is taking to long to arrive.  I have to hold my resolve & not waiver lol.

Its finally bed-time.  I get to go to my bed where no one annoys or bothers me.  I shut my door & listen to my wind chimes.  I love Scotland, its like living in a wind tunnel lol.  Good-night world..

Jacqui

Christmas Shopping made easy

I never seem to find the balance with Christmas shopping.  If I start to early I over buy.  If I leave it to late I panic buy.  I’m not sure if the perfect way to shop even exists.  What works for me one year won’t work the next.  This year though my little Christmas book has become invaluable.  Every time I buy something I write it down.  My food shopping has been completed.  This year frozen brussel sprouts will do.  Wtf is peeling sprouts about?  My kids don’t even eat them so frozen for me will do.  My 8kg turkey is sitting in my spare freezer’s extra large drawer & I can afford to relax, at least about the food.  I have a fridge full of wine, bought in the hope I’d drink it & never did.  My food box has been ticked & alcohol will be  my choice (wine).

Kids buying hasn’t been that easy.  Since my youngest is 10yrs old toys are neither appreciated or required.  I was bombarded with lists of iphones, ipads, beats earphones & loads of trainers.  The phones have been bought.  Okay, i admit I didnt buy one iphone but in my opinion they’re not that good.  The sound quality is shit & I like to be heard. I much prefer Samsung galaxys so thats what 4 of my kiddies got.  I did buy 2 new ipads but with tablets I really do think you get what you pay for.  Trainers have ranged from Nike air max to addidas gazelles & puma suedes.  I’m sure a couple of pairs of Nike blazers snuck in along the way but my trainer buying is done.  I’ve a couple of Nike tracksuits still to buy but I’m not in a panic just yet.  Panic will not be required this year.  My buying will be done by the end of this month.  I can’t quite believe I’ve actually managed to get & complete all my lists.  JD Sports has been a rubbish shop to deal with this year but we got everything eventually.  Buying in November means I don’t have the stress of worrying stuff won’t get here in time.  i even managed to get a minion sent from some far away country in a turnaround of 10 days.  The purchase of a bottle of Southern Comfort for my eldest means Jay will have his normal “this is the worst christmas ever”.  My eldest says that to me every year & I don’t think I’ve done my Mum job if I don’t hear those words at least once lol.  I just hope he doesn’t mean it..

So, buy earlish, but not to early.  Never leave your buying till December & since we’re still in November their really is no excuse.  Write everything you buy down.  Doesnt matter if you think you’ll remember just write it down.  If I could type one tip it would be do NOT store your gifts in every corner of your home like I do.  It’ll take me days to find everything.  It does delay the wrapping & whilst I hate wrapping its got to be done.  When wrapping I number the gift tags & write down in my book the number & what the gift is.  I wrap for one person at a time so keep a page for everyone.  Well, thats the plan.  Sometimes it works, sometimes I just wing it..

I’m allowing myself a little glimmer of excitement.  Christmas is almost here.  I cannot believe how little stress I’m feeling.  Just buying the food early has made such a huge difference.  I’m not thinking my usual it’ll be all right in the end.  I know my preparation has been done & once the wrapping is done I’m ready.  Now if I could just find someone who’ll keep my kitchen orderly until the day.  Someone who wont mind reminding my to defrost the turkey & cook it that would be fab.  Anyone interested can apply..

Jacq

its way late

Today has been many things. A day when we looked back & remembered the brave sacrifices made by men, women & animals who fought so bravely to defend what we take for granted. As I stood outside our shop with my head bowed I couldn’t help but feel humbled. The brave stood & where counted. Today we all stood in silence, lost in our own thoughts. A horn sounded & reality began again as if it never was.

Work was just work. I did go to my. Dads grave. I don’t go often anymore. I changed his flowers & instead of chatting I prayed, something I never do. I don’t know why I did that. Maybe I realise that I’m just talking to the air. I’ve always felt connected to him when I’ve stood over his body. Today felt different. I miss him so much. I feel like its been so long that any connection we had has been weakened with the passage of time. I actually frightened myself today by thinking that theirs no point in talking as I flower sorted. What the hell is the point to putting flowers on a grave anyway.

Home & I’ve finally got my boiler sorted. I’ve finally got radiators that are hot & glorious hot water. I so missed them both. Its the silly things that I take for granted. I’m mega tired & since I’ve started taking a drug called gabapentine I’m having the most vivid dreams. I seem to visit churches, chapels and even cathedrals in my dreams. Its quite fun wondering where in the hell I’m going to put myself. Ni-night.

Jacq

Cold & Tired

Its freezing in my world. Outside is close to freezing. Inside feels just as cold. I stupidly bled my radiators on Saturday. Note to self, when bored do not do stupid things. I took my boiler pressure to low & it shut itself down. They call that a safety mechanism? How come boilers have one & parents don’t?? I’ve been busy so haven’t had enough time at home to get a gas engineer in to re pressurise it. Why on earth they took the filling loop off at my last service I’ll never know. Gggr I am so freaking annoyed. I’m wondering if I could use a spanner to up it? May try that tomorrow.

Anyway present buying has come on in big leaps. I’ve not got that much to buy but the mountain of unwrapped stuff is amazing. Its on my very long to do list but its not very high up with so many more important things taking priority. I’ve got a son who can’t get his head around working through the night. Another son off school with lingering measles despite being immunised & yet another son who has flu. Poor eldest has no chance of sleep during the day.

Let’s find a wee positive. We’re all breathing. We have a home & a full fridge. I’ve enough money in the bank & I don’t need to use a credit card. I’ve even got a good stock of wine in my fridge. My kitchen has been decluttered & is spotless. I even donated my just in case ramakin dishes to charity, all 26 of them. I would ask why I had them but I’d come up with some smart arse answer. Ni-night world.

Jacq

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