How to always win an argument

I don’t argue often. I have fall backs I use that usually work. I was however arguing with someone I didn’t give birth to. Clearing my throat had no effect. Saying excuse me just made them repeat it (I hate stupid people). Even calmly making my point didn’t work. Okay I have to stay calm. Then I remember my default setting & I smile. Let’s play a game I say. Its a very simple game. Its called fuck off & you can go first. Standing in front of me thinking won’t help because I’m done. They didn’t want to play so I went first. Sometimes its enough to know ur right even when the stupid don’t agree.


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its grabbed me

I’m currently sitting on my bathroom floor. I’ve just had a shower & I caught sight of myself as I got out. I’ve got dripping hair that’s got a frizzed look already which is pretty normal for my mad hair. What I didn’t expect to see was the scowl I have on my face. Work is pissing me off right now. Somethings changed & I can’t put my finger on what. Maybe its me just looking through different eyes but I’m beginning to dread going in & that’s not good. I don’t need to go so I need to figure out where the dread is coming from before I can decide what if anything I need to do.

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by this life shit. I always stress when I have nothing to stress about. My washing is almost up to date. My sons & daughters have tidy bedrooms. My bathroom is clean & tidy with no stray bottles visible (such a big yippee). Yeh I’ve got siatica & carpol tunnel syndrome is hanging about like a bad smell but I’m here. I really need a kick up my bum & its so unlike me. I need a Dad to give me a talking to. Jeez, almost 4yrs since he died & I still find it tough without him. I miss being able to moan at someone who actually listened. I can hear my sister Kate shouting at me; he’s dead get over it. Maybe she’s right lol. Nah, she’s never right.. I’m off to bed with my wet hair & my loud ipod. Night world


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This is the version I have on my ipod.  I hate quiet mainly because in silence my head screams thanks to tinitus which I’ve had for as long as I can remember.  I love loud, banging music & this track sends me to sleep haha.  Insomnia isn’t something I’ve ever had but me without sleep would be scary.  O & Mr Insomniac, just for now, your welcome.

Do so much more

I love the work that I do.  People assume because i’m there 5 days a week I get paid.  Some look at me in disbelief when I say I don’t.  Work has never been about money for me.  Its been about doing something I enjoy & I do enjoy it mostly.  Recently, though whenever something goes wrong in work, I’m involved.  I’m beginning to feel like work is taking up to much time & effort.  I could fill my time with so many other things but would that make me selfish?  When my youngest went to nursery I felt like work saved me.  I quickly went from a lonely stay at home Mum to a woman who could contribute to the world.  I dont mind that housework takes a back seat but I’m getting old.  My reality isn’t as organised as it should be.  I’m always juggling jobs needing done & I’m a bit fed up.  Maybe that’s it, maybe I’m just fed up with it all.  Kids, home, job, fiends.  Everything & everybody wants something from me.  I’ve went from a woman with all the time in the world to one who has little time to think much less please myself.  I could do so much more but I really am shit at organising my time.  I need to become more organised.

I rushed out of work today.& headed to Tesco to buy flowers.  I walk through the door heading right  towards them.  Unusually I wasn’t concentrating & walked passed my Mother.  Quick chat, flowers bought & I’m on my way out.  I decided to put some flowers on my Dad’s grave. I like the idea of buying bunches & taking a few out for him.   It was windy & snowing, perfect weather for cemetery visiting.  The grave diggers where a couple of rows up from my Dad’s stone.  They acknowledge me with a quick nod of there heads.  I bent down to whisper to the stone & I have no idea why I do that because no one could hear me but heh.  I talked like Dad was listening.  I told him I missed him & quickly  left.  Sometimes, I can stand in front of his stone & feel nothing.  Other times like today I could feel tears springing to my eyes.  I wish I could go back to not knowing that cemetery.  Not knowing its tucked in amongst a beautiful, tranquil area of Cumbernauld.  I wish he was still here saying words like thingamy which isn’t even a word haha.