I don’t argue often. I have fall backs I use that usually work. I was however arguing with someone I didn’t give birth to. Clearing my throat had no effect. Saying excuse me just made them repeat it (I hate stupid people). Even calmly making my point didn’t work. Okay I have to stay calm. Then I remember my default setting & I smile. Let’s play a game I say. Its a very simple game. Its called fuck off & you can go first. Standing in front of me thinking won’t help because I’m done. They didn’t want to play so I went first. Sometimes its enough to know ur right even when the stupid don’t agree.
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.
I’m currently sitting on my bathroom floor. I’ve just had a shower & I caught sight of myself as I got out. I’ve got dripping hair that’s got a frizzed look already which is pretty normal for my mad hair. What I didn’t expect to see was the scowl I have on my face. Work is pissing me off right now. Somethings changed & I can’t put my finger on what. Maybe its me just looking through different eyes but I’m beginning to dread going in & that’s not good. I don’t need to go so I need to figure out where the dread is coming from before I can decide what if anything I need to do.
I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by this life shit. I always stress when I have nothing to stress about. My washing is almost up to date. My sons & daughters have tidy bedrooms. My bathroom is clean & tidy with no stray bottles visible (such a big yippee). Yeh I’ve got siatica & carpol tunnel syndrome is hanging about like a bad smell but I’m here. I really need a kick up my bum & its so unlike me. I need a Dad to give me a talking to. Jeez, almost 4yrs since he died & I still find it tough without him. I miss being able to moan at someone who actually listened. I can hear my sister Kate shouting at me; he’s dead get over it. Maybe she’s right lol. Nah, she’s never right.. I’m off to bed with my wet hair & my loud ipod. Night world
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.
This is the version I have on my ipod. I hate quiet mainly because in silence my head screams thanks to tinitus which I’ve had for as long as I can remember. I love loud, banging music & this track sends me to sleep haha. Insomnia isn’t something I’ve ever had but me without sleep would be scary. O & Mr Insomniac, just for now, your welcome.
One of my favourite men calls me kid which is funny given my age. Whenever he walks away he always shouts see ya kid which makes me smile. Happy song..
I rarely listen to this track but when I do I remember how good it is lol..
I was out late last night. I went to bed at 2am huffing that I had a 7am alarm set. I cant remember what I was dreaming about but this was playing.
I love the work that I do. People assume because i’m there 5 days a week I get paid. Some look at me in disbelief when I say I don’t. Work has never been about money for me. Its been about doing something I enjoy & I do enjoy it mostly. Recently, though whenever something goes wrong in work, I’m involved. I’m beginning to feel like work is taking up to much time & effort. I could fill my time with so many other things but would that make me selfish? When my youngest went to nursery I felt like work saved me. I quickly went from a lonely stay at home Mum to a woman who could contribute to the world. I dont mind that housework takes a back seat but I’m getting old. My reality isn’t as organised as it should be. I’m always juggling jobs needing done & I’m a bit fed up. Maybe that’s it, maybe I’m just fed up with it all. Kids, home, job, fiends. Everything & everybody wants something from me. I’ve went from a woman with all the time in the world to one who has little time to think much less please myself. I could do so much more but I really am shit at organising my time. I need to become more organised.
I rushed out of work today.& headed to Tesco to buy flowers. I walk through the door heading right towards them. Unusually I wasn’t concentrating & walked passed my Mother. Quick chat, flowers bought & I’m on my way out. I decided to put some flowers on my Dad’s grave. I like the idea of buying bunches & taking a few out for him. It was windy & snowing, perfect weather for cemetery visiting. The grave diggers where a couple of rows up from my Dad’s stone. They acknowledge me with a quick nod of there heads. I bent down to whisper to the stone & I have no idea why I do that because no one could hear me but heh. I talked like Dad was listening. I told him I missed him & quickly left. Sometimes, I can stand in front of his stone & feel nothing. Other times like today I could feel tears springing to my eyes. I wish I could go back to not knowing that cemetery. Not knowing its tucked in amongst a beautiful, tranquil area of Cumbernauld. I wish he was still here saying words like thingamy which isn’t even a word haha.