Personal vent

Okay I could be annoyed more than I should be because I only had 5hrs sleep but the Scottish Education system sucks.  When our children reach the age for standard grades & highers they must complete in class assessment called NAB’s when they finish every unit.  If you don’t pass a Nab you get one resit & if you fail your basically fucked in that you won’t be presented for the exam.  My eldest daughter has struggled this year with Biology.  She frequently needed those resits but always passed.  Her final NAB had been resat but what I didn’t know was she hasn’t had the result.  Will she sit her exam or not?  I have no idea & neither does she.  I did offer to contact school but she’s said her teacher just avoids talking to her.  That little gem left me seething.  My daughters attitude of huffing out the room totally pisses me off.  It a family trait that I think is genetic.  Why the fuck can’t kids just get the genes that actually mean something.  The huffy, walk away gene is both cowardly & boring.  I just find it incredibly old & uncool.  Me no like uncool lol..

I dislike mid week drinking.  Last nights jaunt left me hoarse with a slightly delicate feeling which I rarely get.  5hrs in bed really isn’t enough for me.  I got a call on my mobile this morning at 7.30am.  It went like this Jacqui, where are you?  In my bed?  O I thought you’d be up by now he said.  Um no, I’m still in bed.  O it was just to answer the question you asked yesterday.  I replied that fine, I’ll phone you later.  I won’t.   No point in staying in bed so got up & drank some fizzy juice,it didn’t help.  I’m tired, narky & kids are expecting a homemade chicken curry for dinner tonight.  I can’t wait for bedtime.

O & useless info I need to remember.  Most women need to get their eyebrows waxed every 6wks. I’ve had mine done every 4wks for years because if I don’t I look like I have 2 bushy hedgehogs on top of my eyes.  When my hair got wild & unruly so did my eyebrows.   Apparently the girl who does my eyebrows says its most unusual.  O & I have to stop pulling my eyebrows out at the corner of my left eye.  I know I do it & I can’t help it.  I do it when I’m either concentrating or when I’m nervous.  Its such a hard life.

**We’ve since discovered that Jennifer will be able to sit her higher biology exam since she passed her final NAB.  I feel like asking her whats the point since she cant be bothered studying.

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Silly me

I keep forgetting I’m just typing for me haha.  I’ve gotten so used to blogging that I’ve forgotten how to type for myself.  That maybe not a bad thing.  Who wants to go back to writing doom & gloom.  Em, no thanks.  If I had to type one thing about my evening it would be that I crave peace & quiet.  I’m sure many of us want that lol.  I just never seem to find it.  On the other hand I can’t deal with a lot of peace & quiet anyway.  I get dis-satisfied with my life & my brain starts to shout what the fuck are you doing.  Never a good outcome to that little internal conversation.  Its a bit like asking someone if they love you.  If you need to ask the question they obviously don’t 🙂

Too hard

Some things are just too hard for some people.  I have 2 friends.  Both are in long distance relationships.  One is a woman in her 60’s who lives in Cumbernauld.  She’s having a “thing” with a man who lives in England.  They met on a dating site & get on really well.  Despite me warning her about not getting into the first thing in the morning texts & late night phone calls she did & she’s hooked.  I guess if you put needy people together co-dependency follows as sure as day follows night.  The guy has been married 3 times & when I picked my chin up from the floor i couldnt get why she’d give her time to a guy who has collected wives.  One failed marriage I would say was unfortunate.  Two failed marriages would have alarm bells ringing.  Three should have you pulling your coat on & saying bye-bye.  However Jean is not me.  She likes the guy & he makes her happy.  This is the point where I shrug & say you do what makes you happy & she is.

The second is a guy.  He lives in England & his newbie lives in Scotland.   Paul needs structure in everything including relationships. He doesn’t need contact every minute of every day but he has buts.  His newbie is content to go with the flow & he doesn’t know where he stands.  As I’m typing I’m thinking perhaps she’s involved with someone else which wouldn’t be good.  He’s decided that a distance relationship isn’t for him & he’s moaning about how he can’t find a woman who’s ready to commit.  Perhaps being a guy in his 40’s who’s never been married makes women wary of him.  Any straight guy in his 40’s who’s never been married must have some flaw right?  Actually I”ve known Paul a few years & I don’t think he has any major flaws.  He’s a nice guy with no attitude.  He’s funny & good looking.  He has a great job & a steady income.  Paul’s  one flaw is he’s to sensitive. He once described a broken heart to me as feeling like all the butterflies in your stomach have died.  I wanted to wrap him up & never let reality near him ever again. Bless him.

Any relationship can be hard work.  Distance isn’t a barrier if 2 people want it to work.  Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.  I’m sure distance doesn’t help but in the modern world skype is a beautiful thing that can connect anyone to anyone.  Jean will continue her relationship with whatshisname until something or someone punctures her bubble.  Paul my realist friend who’s been heart broken once to often wouldn’t risk it for a biscuit which means alone time for him.  I wonder who made the best decision, time will tell..

Timely reminder

I was reminded today that dwelling on anything just gives headaches.  The future isn’t here yet & I had a great time this morning just being in the moment.  I’m really enjoying this week.  Work isn’t a chore, Our weather is shit but I’m smiling anyway.  Life is definitely okay right now.

Jacqui

Numb hands

Despite it being almost summer we have snow in Central Scotland.  It freezing.  I cooked dinner & went into my plate cupboard.  I just wanted one plate out.  My hands go numb sometimes but I didnt realise they were.  I managed to pick the plate up but it fell from my hand.  I could have cried & not because I was upset but because I have a rota which ensures I never should have to get plates out.  I am waiting on 2 new dinner sets which are due for delivery in the next couple of days.  It could have been worse, it could have been a new plate & that would have driven me nuts.  Thankfully, it was an old one so no harm done but I’m sick of lazy kids & failing hands.  I can’t do much about either sadly.

Ups & downs…

All in all todays not been a bad day considering its Monday.  Went to our storage unit with Mr Manager & was astounded with the amount of stock we have accumulated..  Worked out the best way to get our takings up & we’re about ready for the end of the month.  Happy days.  I even seen my Andy this morning on his way to work although he goes in the opposite direction so had a quick word & he was gone.  I should perhaps be concerned that a guy who looks like Phil Collins can give me a smile but he does :).  I was manipulated into doing Saturday this week by Mr Manager.  The realisation that another man can manipulate me shocked me but I’m still counting them on one hand.  One is also dead so I guess I have room for a few eh.  Men who have the knack of manipulation are a mystery to me haha.

I’m in a happy mood today.  I don’t have any reason other than I am.  I took control of my blog back.  Its private & I can type what I like.  I’ve not typed anything I wouldn’t want anyone to read but if I wanted to, I could.  Just knowing I can makes me bubble with enthusiasm.  I feel free & no one restricted my content but myself.  I really am holding 2 fingers up.

My youngest son is holding his temper & after his outburst yesterday is being on his best behaviour.  It doesn’t make up for the bad stuff it just gives me a little hope.  Maybe my hold on for a better day is the way to go with him.  Nicky frustrates me to the point that I want to pull my hair out.  Okay, I’m off…

Little darling

Its been a very challenging weekend with my youngest son. I had thought he’d outgrown hitting me but he’s not. Whilst he understands the no word he doesn’t like it. Despite this I keep using it. I know, I’m bad. He cane into my kitchen & on hearing what was for dinner he tipped my chair up, pushing me off my chair. I got up & he started pushing me. A quick slap to my back & I turn around. My face must have looked shocked. He smirked & says there’s a lot more of that. I just smiled & replied you give it your best shot. Think we’re even because he walked away without another word. I’m worn out. Not physically but mentally. It seems the calmer I stay the more infuriated he becomes. He’s extreme in his responses & he can flip like a light switch. I hold my breath whenever he’s around & he’s only 11yrs old. I love him dearly but as a human being he’s not very nice. I know, I’m his Mother but God he would try the patience of a saint which I’m not.

I feel ashamed. I allow an 11yr old boy to scare the crap out of me. He’s very clever & only kicks off when no one is around. If I didn’t know any better I would think he’s been abused but I know 100% he’s not. Spoilt yes but never abused. I live with him & his tantrums. What worries me is he’s got little control of his temper. Okay I’m out of ideas & my calm way of dealing with him doesn’t work. I need to come up with something before he damages me beyond repair.

Jacq

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