Purple Rain

  I’ve always loved this song.    Prince.org  “Prince has always said the meaning is there if you look for it.We can sit all day and discuss them and argue the point, but all we will find is we all find something different that he tried to express.”Purple Rain” is about facing your problems and fears in life,looking for solace in those around you instead isolating yourself in self pity and doubt.  You always find people running away from the rain, but it’s only water,so why the panic? Rain is the perfect metaphor for what he was trying to express.  I always got it but then I’m smart.  Talking of being smart, I’m not loving what you’ve done Noddy.  Its not clever or smart.  Its irritating & way to late to be playing a double bluff.

I’m a bit fed up being mugged off today.  I’ve had an overload of bullshit  & I’m going to see if sleep helps.  Sweet Dreams..

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Stuck in limbo heaven

Darn a brain for thinking just as I want to go to sleep.  I was thinking back to the reasons  I began this blog.  I had dreams back then lol.  Its not that I lost sight of my dreams, they just changed.  I’m disappointed but I’ve survived.  Am I happier now?  In so many ways I am but that’s when I don’t put said brain in gear.  I’m a better person now that’s for sure.  I’ve lost my sulky edge.  I think that’s called growing up & it’s okay that it took me so long.  I’m still the same & yet I’m not.  This blog frustrates me.  Sometimes I think I can stick my nose in the air & just type.  The insecure Jacqui comes out & she thinks the world & there sheep are just looking to judge.  I really don’t like the idea of being judged.  No-one ever judges nicely do they haha.  I then stop typing & so the game begins.  I don’t want to play a game.   The silence is deafening isn’t it.  For us life is just one big moment of silence.   Don’t speak and you won’t be judged for your words or your actions. If you open your heart and let someone know how you really feel.   You risk going right back into the feelings you had way back.  When two people just imagined what it might feel like talking or being with that person. Dream, imagine…….don’t judge …not even quietly.  I like talking but I don’t know what I would say so I type.  I would never acknowledge….type….what my heart knows…maybe.   I can’t figure anything out & I’m way to tired to try..

I’ve decided

my hairHair dye.  I’ve dyed my hair for almost 10yrs.  I hate when grey roots show through.  Its like God is laughing reminding me that I’m old.  i like to pretend I’m young.  I’ve been dying it a plum colour for almost 8yrs.  Its gotten old & its a pain having to dye it once a fortnight.  I used to have dark brown hair.  A rich chocolate colour with mahogany tones.  I always said when I started dying it that I would never dye it my natural colour.  I’ve changed my mind.  I want brown hair.  i want my hair to just blend with everyone else & I’m tired of my hair colour standing out from the crowd.  I’m lucky that I know a colour technician (thank you eldest for having a Gf who studied).  This time next month I’ll be brown (I hope).  Vanity is such a shallow thing but heh, I’m human haha.

Jacqui

Nowhere

I got out of bed this morning & no one else in my world was awake. Younger son’s where all elsewhere but my 3 daughters were still in bed. I get ready for work happy to have some peace. After an hour of peace I’m beginning to get annoyed. My daughters were all in bed before 10pm. It was now approaching 9am & they’re still asleep.

I talk myself into being annoyed. My annoyance pulls on a victim t-shirt & I could happily keep it on all day. When my youngest daughter gets out of bed I have a moan. My kids realise if I go to sarcasm the best thing they can do is hide. Hope stands her ground, she tells me she’s tired & goes back to bed. Seriously, after 11 hours in bed she’s still tired. I must have missed her doing something yesterday. Actually the only thing any of my daughters did yesterday was eat.

Okay I should leave my annoyance & let it go. My face is obviously still rediating it. Our shop has been open for half an hour & not a single person has been in. Its going to be a long day

Jacqui

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Wish I loved it

I hate houswork.  I find it mundane & boring.  I like the end result but its so tedious getting to it.  I should revert to the who the fk cares attitude I held most of my adult life but I just can’t. I like my space to be clean & I need to do it myself.  My banisters are now clean.  I could promise I will make more of an effort with them but I know I won’t.  It took so long to clean them that dinner was late & my kitchen floor has been neglected.   Fuck it, that will get washed tomorrow.  I also cleaned my Buddha bookcase.  i enjoyed cleaning my Buddha’s.  I have so many some I never notice.  It’s my little bit of heaven in my hall.   Someday I will have powered through all those jobs I neglect & by the time I do I’ll have to start all over again.

Tomorrow I have work.  Thank God for work.  I’d like to type I’m going to get a rest but somehow I don’t think I will.  Mr Manager is off on holiday.  I’m out in front shop on my own & I’m sure the back shop will be a mess.  I’ll be out at 1pm & I’ll leave them to it.  My kids have had a wonderfully chilled day.  Most have just stayed out of my way.  My 3 younger son’s have left for sleep overs.  My 3 daughters are lounging about on my sofa’s like they’ve had a hard day.  My hand is killing me & I cant wait to have my shower & get to bed.  Goodnight world & I hope you sleep as well as I intend to.

Jacqui