Changing your profile picture on Facebook on Kate’s birthday, just as you did on mine, was lovely. Sadly I haven’t seen it but Kate has & she says shucks. Its nice that you remembered hahaha. I told Kate I’d mention it & I have.
Not happy with my wardrobes I decided yet again to clear them out. I started with my biggest wardrobe which has a cheeky cheat underneath. 5 huge drawers that I never open much less wear anything out of. I prepared my black bags & just took the stuff out of my drawers putting the contents straight into the bags. I wished I could bottle my mind set today. I’d pass it straight to my big sister. Alas, I can’t & she wouldn’t be able to just toss stuff away. I just got on with it. I had my music on & I happily moved onto my small wardrobe. I realise that I had kept loads of ‘just in case’ clothes. You know the one’s some of us have the ‘just in case’ jeans for when my others are lost. My ‘just in case’ work trousers. Let me be honest. I have or had 2 dozen pairs of black work trousers. Why in the hell did I need ‘just in case’?? I laughed at my stupidity.
I went to my bathroom. I had some water & a fag. I gave myself a much needed talking to. I returned to my bedroom with a greater resolve. I culled my jeans & trousers,. I only wear 2 pairs of blue jeans & one pair of white. If that’s all I wear that’s all I keep. My work trousers weren’t so easy. I only kept the one’s I love. I didn’t count how many I kept but all my trousers fitted into one drawer. If I have a weakness its tops. I don’t own one t-shirt but tops I have. I purged them as much as I could, honestly lol. The one’s I kept I love. I only hang tops in my smaller wardrobe so when I hung them I cleverly hung them up backwards. I’m intending to turn the hangers only when they’ve been worn. Any left still backwards will be donated when I next clear out. I did fill a laundry bag so have kept 20 coat hangers for the tops still to be washed.
I did have to create a bag for scarves. Not sure how or why I’ve accumulated so many but with winter quickly approaching I intend to sort them out as & when. I justify with how can I know which ones I’ll wear until I need to haha. Insanity is a friend sometimes. I also created a bag of pj’s. Okay, I usually go to bed in my bra & shorts (you get that my shorts are underwear shorts right?). I don’t do pj’s. Oh, I buy them with the greatest of intentions. I will get dressed when I come out the shower I tell myself. Don’t know who I’m kidding because I don’t haha. However I have kept the pj bag. They’re expensive & you never know when your going to need an overnight hospital visit. Be prepared is a great motto.
I moved onto my underwear drawers. I only wear shorts. 2 colours, black & occasionally white . I usually wear black bra’s but discovered a rainbow of colours in my drawers. A cup change recently meant most were the wrong size. I binned them & I hated doing it. More worryingly I only have 3 bra’s left but that’s good enough until I shop. I’m happy with my efforts of today. I won’t be grumpy because I can’t find a certain item. I know where every item is 🙂
Last night I discussed with my big sister her “messy” home. I get the difference between messy & hoarding. She doesn’t & thinks it quite funny that I’m worried. I wonder if she’d think it funny if she realised I don’t drink out of her cups because I can’t find a clean one? Actually, I’m not sure there is a clean one though I couldn’t find one anyway. If she’d think it funny if I stopped visiting because their isn’t a space for me to sit down. Its not amusing to me at all. I wish I could just clear her living space. The reality is she doesn’t know what fills her space. Logically ‘you can’t miss what your ignorant of’. Yet she refuses to even move stuff much less clear it. Anyway, I don’t live with her. I don’t see what she sees as just a “mess”. It more than mess & I’m not buying into the its only harmless clutter. It’s making her life difficult & because of it she’s putting herself at risk.
Today is her birthday. When I phoned at 10am she was still in bed. Exhausted from her usual Thursday out with the Mother. I said if your tired I’ll see you tomorrow. Bugger me that means a visit to her house on my least favourite day. I feel frustrated the minute I enter her flat. I always knock my arm on the crap behind her door. I walk up her dark hall & feel the weight of gloom descending before I even enter her sitting-room. The blinds are black & always closed. My head screams let the day in whilst she sits happily in the gloom of the day. If she moves I open the bloody blinds haha. I do have a back up plan for tomorrow. I’ll take my own wine. Get half drunk & forget the mess. Forget the clutter & walk away thanking whatever God there is its her space & not mine :))
It’s like I’ve had caffeine today & I’ve not. My coffee cup that I’m sure was full of my decaf coffee is now half empty. I only went downstairs to create 8 homemade pizza’s. Pizza’s made, cooked and eaten. I made myself a salmon steak & quickly ate. How can a cup of coffee be drank in an empty room??? I almost agreed to a sleep over when we already had one booked; that would have been a disaster. Eldest’s girlfriend has turned up. I’m hoping somewhat wistfully that she’s only here to pick up her washing. I know she’s here to stay but I’m sure her Mum must miss her. She must certainly miss doing her washing for her & why does she get her washing done here??. I’m off to claim my bathroom for the next hour before she does. I wouldn’t mind but she doesn’t even clean the bath after she’s used it. I really must get a shower room installed. Another thing to add to my to-do-list..
I spent all afternoon in my bedroom. My bed didn’t need changed but it was done anyway. If hoarding as a condition is catching I’m never getting it. My wardrobes have been yet again cleared. I have to admit I did get rid of more stuff so I obviously didn’t do a good enough job first time around. Half way through it occurred to me that unless I take all my keep stuff out of bags I’ll just have clean underwear to wear but I’ll sort the bags tonight. I cleaned out things that didn’t need cleaned out. I think I was just trying to prove to myself that its easy. I don’t feel connected to possessions. Things are just things. I’m trying to understand & I’m just confusing myself more haha. I actually enjoy the process of going through stuff & creating better order.
I did admit to myself that I have a thing for lamps. I looked at the top of my huge wardrobe. It has a wonderfully useful plinth & I store lamps there. I have 3 sets of bedroom lamps. I justify it by telling myself that since I have different colour bedding I have different coloured lamps. When I have my purple bedding I like my purple lamps. My favourite black needs my black lamps with a crackled mirrored bases. Grey bedding gets grey lamps. Its not weird or is it?? I also have a fantastic huge crystal drop light in my bedroom. Yep, I’m a lighting junkie haha. They’re not in my way though. They take up no room & when I change my room colour again I’ll happily pass them on.
Finally I must type how thankful I am that I taught my eldest son to cook. Dinner was a simple dish tonight but he managed to work my oven, hob & microwave without flapping. Cooking dinner for 8 isn’t easy so when he shouted dinner was ready I felt so relieved. I’m off to eat then hoover. Trust my bedroom to be the only room in my house with bloody carpet.
I think one of the reasons I didn’t go to bed last night was because of the state of Kate’s bedroom. I open my own bedroom door to my fabulous bed. My sleigh bed is a joy. I love my bedding. I love my cushions on my bed. I love how perfect it looks. I love my slim set of 7 drawers. I remember painting them. I thought they’d never look great & they do. My drawers are full of things that belong in drawers.. One full of perfume bottles. One with Jessica’s box. I never knew what to do with her stuff. The other 5 have my underwear. All colour co-ordinated & folded. The top of my drawers has my lamp, my landline phone & a ceramic teddy. Other side of the bed is a matching set of drawers. Matching lamp with a matching teddy. I could cry for Kate. My bedroom is my haven. Kate’s is just a neglected dumping ground.
I know all I can do for Kate is have patience. Her space has her rules. As long as she’s not hurting herself or putting herself at risk I need to let her be. I know she thinks I’m odd. I don’t think its weird to swap bedroom lamps when I change the colour of my bedding. I like my stuff matching & I’ll never tell her I change my curtains to.
Finally, I’m still annoyed at my invader. I hate how he’s in my head but then I’m in his haha. That’s a strange thought. I don’t have the time or the brain space to deal with him right now. I will figure out he who was my Noddy. Sweet dreams world.
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Okay, please bear in mind this is a personal blog. I’m just typing whats in my head. My sister is a hoarder. I thought she had it under control. It gets cleared & tidied up only to be filled again. I obviously closed my eyes because what I seen yesterday was not just a flat looking a bit messy. Its full of what I’d only describe as ridiculous crap. Too many storage boxes, magazines, bottles of fizzy water. Unopened parcels with clothes, unopened mail, opened mail, more storage boxes. Clutter & mess everywhere. She has a 2 seater sofa she squeezes onto, its full of crap. Its a blessing she doesn’t cook, she has no work surface to prepare food on. I’m going to be honest, I haven’t drank out a cup in her house for a long, long time. I don’t eat in her house unless it’s a packet of crisps. I offer every week to clear her kitchen work surfaces & she says it’s fine!! I don’t use her toilet without cleaning it first. That was an awful admission to type. Her bedroom is minging. The bed is a disgusting mess. Her drawers have long lost their fronts & have unopened mail sticking out. Its a God sent that she keeps her black-out blinds closed & her lights don’t work. I’m quite sure I’d be horrified if I seen it in daylight. I used to love the look of her room. I offered to help tidy up but she refused. I work at a fast pace & Kate doesn’t do speed. She said she’ll do it in her own time but ffs its a hazard. I’m so worried she’s going to trip & hurt herself. Kate’s mess is everywhere. I honestly don’t have a clue how to help. I don’t do clutter. I hate piles of anything. Mess I can cope with but jeez . Its such a shame that she’s got her home into such a state. Hoarding must leave you in a very dark & lonely place. The whole situation seems insurmountable. I’ve told her I will help when she feels able to begin tackling it. Sadly, I don’t think she ever will.