So much attitude

So much attitude is floating in my world today. DD3 is giving out so much attitude I feel exhausted just listening to it. I was tempted to tell her I can exceed her attitude level but I’m tired & weiry today.

I tried to sleep on a sofa last night. Its not weird that when I’m unwell I don’t go to bed. Its just one of my quirks. I’m coughing so much I’m being sick. I’m exhausted & my body aches. I am in full flight of feeling sorry for myself. I should just hibernate until it passes. Yeh, that sounds like a good idea. All I need is someone to complete the school uniform washing. They’d need to dry & iron them. Feed them all & act like a referee. I can’t hibernate but someday I will.

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Taking the meds

I hate waking up feeling ill. I’m ill lol. Every time I cough it feels like I’ve got broken bottles running through my chest. My head feels like it has a family of fat giants doing a clog dance inside it. I’m just feeling seriously rough & I’m not happy.

I skipped work this morning. I did send eldest daughter as a substitute. Ever the professional I made sure I covered my absence so the shop wouldn’t be short staffed. I had decided I wanted to take some off but I hadn’t figured on needing time off because I’m sick! That was so not part of my plan.

I need a break from work. I’m at boiling point & if I don’t zone out I’m in danger of exploding. I’m not sure its a good thing that I avoid the emotions that send me radge. I guess its a sign of maturity that I recognise I’m about to lose it. I’ve let go of reacting & use my brain. I guess there’s something to be said for using my intelligence rather than my hot head.

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Family at war

Sometimes I feel like leaving my 3 younger sons to it.  They slipped upstairs to the bedroom they share.  If all 3 are in the same room it eventually leads to war.  This evening our Nicky lost it.  Now Lulu has a swollen eye from the xbox pad that hit it & they have a Tv with a smashed screen.  jack lost his temper on seeing said Tv damamged & kicked the door off its hindges.  This all happened just after 8pm.  I have no clue how to put a door on & I wouldnt even begin to try so now I need someone who can.  I can seriously do without them costing me money.  They won’t get another Tv so no need for any box games for Christmas.

Eldest is away trying out a hotel in Edinburgh.  He gets a good staff discount & since he had time off he went to have a look.  I always thought all the Premier Inns where the same & since he does work in one why would you choose to spend your time off in one? I’m really missing him & he only left yesterday.  If he’d have been here this evening he’d have been upstairs in a nano second.

I’m seriously hacked off today & not because of my boys.  I called 2 women who work in our shop fannys.  Its a word I frequently use.  I was told by Mr Manager, O it doesn’t matter what he tried to tell me.  I was in no mood to be chastised by him.  I’m done working on Thursdays.  I can’t hold my tongue so you know what, I’m going to walk away & if anyone asks why I’m going to tell them.  I was disgusted when a whole bag of stuff that was perfectly reasonable was binned today.  I know we have limited space but honestly, I was totally disgusted.  I’m still seething & I’m off to bed.

its a mad world

Our broadband went down tonight. We all sat looking at each other like the world had stopped turning. I swear some of them started to move there thumbs to soothe themselves. What a world we live in lol.

My kids are seriously into technology. If its not there phones they’re on its a tablet or an ipod. They facetime each other & I don’t have a fkn clue what facetime is. I’ve only just learned to videochat. I want technology to fk off & let us be people who communicate directly. Soon we’ll have menu apps so we can keep up with dinner plans. I’m so glad my kitchen table is a phone free area. I can’t imagine what our meal times would be like if mobiles where allowed at my table. Broadband was back within 2 hours. I took my nose out of my book long enough to see the relief in there faces. Pathetic really. Okay, small rant over.

So the rest of my week reminds me why I don’t have a paid job. Tomorrow morning my pooch Fudge is going for a 4 hour grooming session. I need to be in work in the afternoon. Evening is filled with footie training & school disco’s. Thursday is a mad day with a bag sale at work. I’ve also got a hospital appointment in the morning. Friday we’ll still be selling bags in our moll & I’ve a McMillan coffee morning to squeeze in. Saturday its take your daughter who won’t talk to work day. I’ve promised Joy if she can do an hour I won’t ask her to ever do it again. Please let us have some nice, kind, patient customers. To be fair our moll travellers are usually lovely people. Right now I need my bed. Goodnight me x

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What if

I need to stop panicking. The Lords vote regarding Tax Credits really rattled me. I’m beginning to think my decision to do voluntary work wasn’t the best. I do get a remuneration but its no where near a working wage. I made the decision because I wanted to step in & out of work without any hassle, I get to do that & I work for a brilliant charity which is a bonus..

The changes to the tax credit system could cause me to reconsider my choices. I’m not an idiot. I don’t get as much as I would if I was actually in paid employment. I’ve always said I don’t need the money because right now I don’t. I have enough money for what I need. God knows I don’t have holidays or expense taste.

I do need to consider what I’m going to do when this Government withdraws my back up benefit because I have a feeling that’s exactly what they’ll do. The buck stops with me. I’ve never had anyone to rely on & I’ve never needed to but I am feeling scared about my financial future in a way I’ve never been.

Its funny thinking about struggling for money. Its been many years since I’ve had to watch my pennies. I’ll just have to takr a deep breath & hope it won’t be as bad as I think. Fuck its going to hurt.

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Harsh words spoken

I’m seriously hacked off. How can an 11yr old lose there school jacket. He only wears it to bloody school. Some time between Friday afternoon & this morning its managed to hide & we can’t bloody find it. Tomorrow he’ll strop about having to wear another. It his own fault. It should have been put in the coat cuoboard. Fucking great big clue in the name, that’s where all coats & jackets should go. Ffs its so close to the front door & yet he’s lost it! Repeat after me cos this is important, Do not buy another, its not your fault. I bet I do though haha. I’m fed-up with this shit.

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