I love when people talk about me to me. My brain screams retard alert whilst my face smiles sweetly. Today I was tempted to say my life is my business. I was surprised that they’d given my life so much thought. I should have thanked them for there interest but it was nosiness not interest. Sad people with nothing better to do irritate me greatly. As I listened though the life that was being described sounded a lot more fun than mine actually is. I walked away with a I must go as I’m super busy which was the truth. People think being super busy is fun. It’s not, it’s just a hard slog. I think it funny when people speak with an edge of envy. We don’t have any idea whats going on in anyone’s lives. We can guess, we can assume but we don’t ever know. I don’t give half a fuck (frequently used term of mine) what anyone else has or doesn’t have. I don’t give that half fuck about what anyone else thinks of me. If I need validation I know how to look in the mirror. I certainly don’t have sleepless nights tormenting myself with envy. I’d advise everyone to put there energies into there own lives & stay the fuck out of everyone else’s. Nothing good ever comes from nosiness. Night world.
Exactly what I intend to do. Have a great day..
My favourite language is Latin. My current favourite saying is semper proferre sine timore. Have fun looking it up 🙂
My title is in reference to a dream I had last night. I obviously followed through from my reality of thinking I’d made a mistake. It was a bit spooky to have a dream about someone who’s dead. I hadn’t even met them. The one time they seen me they had looked at me in a quizzical way. I didn’t give them much thought tbh. It’s not my business what anyone thinks of me, alive or dead. I wonder if my annoyance of being thought of at all is partly to blame for my dream. Anyway I was “spoken” to. I had an internal smirk going on. I always find it cute when youngsters try to lecture people who know far more than they do. Kudos for having the balls though. I just did some nodding until they got exasperated. I was struck by how like there parent they were. They slam dunked me with the you know your totally inconsequential comment. Was that supposed to hurt me I wondered. I asked if that was true then why are you here. If that’s true why are you even talking to me. I was so tempted to ask what the hell was wrong with them. I wouldn’t waste my time with someone who didn’t matter when I was dead. I was tempted to point out that I deserve peace as much as anyone. I couldn’t get my head around it. Even with the knowledge that it was just a dream it spooked the hell out of me. I got up out of bed & wandered into my bathroom wondering what the fuck that was about. I kept reminding myself it was just a silly dream. I had already figured out my non importance all by myself. Nothing quite like getting a conscious thought confirmed in a dream. Inconsequential is something I have never been called. I hate to admit it but he really was spot on. On a positive note one living, breathing, human being thinking that does not outweigh the people who don’t.
Okay, that’s got that out my system. Today is a full on washing day. My school stuff had to be re-washed which means I am behind. My bed has the wrong sheet on it so I need to do 2 loads of bedding. I appreciate help but a grey sheet with a black duvet cover just doesn’t work. It’s very simple. Black duvet cover has a black sheet. If its a silver grey sheet it should have a silver grey duvet set. Lamps should be changed when duvet set is. I currently have purple lamps with black bedding & it’s not rocket science. I’ll just have to finish my online shop & work my way through the washing. Kids are preparing to move bedrooms today & I am staying well out of it..
I think I’ve made a huge mistake. I have a gut feeling so strong I can’t begin to imagine it’s wrong. I feel panicked by the realization that I’ve been really dumb. Fuck, I really am stupid haha. Fortunately it’s not the end of the world. I thought something for the longest of time. I was wrong. All I have to do is keep telling myself I made a mistake. Simples,,….
I love my Friday nights. Most of my kids are out doing whatever. Those left have there wee faces in there phones. I’m intending to have a bath filled with soap & glory bubble bath & if I don’t get some more for Mothers Day I swear I will cry. Personally I’m glad this week is over.
Thankfully today is almost at an end. Tomorrow is the end of the school week & I’m hoping it ends well. I spend so much time hoping. I hope for this or that. My head has been totally smashed up today. The priest this morning asked us to think about what would be said at our own funerals. What would people say about me. Probably that I’m direct to a fault. It’s not a sensitivity bypass it just that I would rather get a hurtful bit of honesty than be given a lie. It’s far easier to accept something given honestly. Okay that’s a generalization but that’s my way of thinking. They’d say that I talked way to much. That’s not because I like the sound of my own voice I just love talking haha. My kids would probably say I’m the glue that holds my family together. I’m not sure that’s true but when the shit hits the fan it’s Mum they shout on. How sad is it that despite this being my life I don’t have anything outstanding to say. I’m just an average Mum, no more no less. I’m incredibly boring & I’m not sure I like it. Maybe I’m just tired..
Finally, I hope your day Noddy wasn’t to difficult. And I don’t know why I reinstate the Noddy name. Maybe it’s because I know how hard some days are. Just remember those years you had with him. All those photo’s that you have. If I was you I’d change my Facebook profile picture to a new photo of him every day for a year. I don’t go into your Facebook & even Kate got bored so she does’t either. I wouldn’t expect you to do it, I’m just saying I would lol. Losing a child is a different grief from any other. For me it doesn’t get any easier with the passage of time. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s a day to get more things right. It’s a day to smile & remember no one gets out of life alive. Good-night world.