I can often be found with my head down a toilet. I really enjoy cleaning toilets (seriously!!). I love how I can let my brain wander & the end result is I have a clean, sparkling loo. Today I cleaned my entire bathroom. We go through a vast amount of shampoo & shower gel. I’ve not figured out why we keep the empty bottles but some things just happen by chance whichever is fine.
I spoke to myself gently today. I didn’t give myself a hard time for stressing about stuff. The most insane thought I’ve had recently is I can fix everything that needs fixing. I am not the problem. I’m on the outside being challenged by something totally outwith my control. Getting up in the morning with dread is not the answer. I’ve had people blaming me & I realise the criticism they direct at me is merely there own self-reflection. I am not responsible for what anyone else does. The fact that I stay calm & patient pisses others off but that’s my answer. My kind words to myself today were short but very necessary. Their echos have endless possibilities. I don’t remember when I started to beat myself up but I’m going to stop that. I’m allowing myself to be human & admit I make mistakes. I reminded myself that I’m not the only one who’s having a hard time. I may not feel like smiling much but I do. There is a big difference between giving up & knowing when I’ve had enough. I got so wrapped up in drama I’d forgotten that. I had my control all along, I’d just lost sight of it. I may encounter many defeats in life but I refuse to be defeated 🙂