Try again..

**  I typed this last night & in my haste forgot to post.  Just proves I’m not always on here since I’ve just noticed.   Today has been as shitty as yesterday.  I’m hoping things will get better rather than worse 🙂

It’s been a pretty shitty day all in all.  I slept in this morning.  I totally slept through 2 alarms.  My text message in box was full.  I can clear any iphone in a second.  An HTC is a whole new type of phone & this morning I hated it.  I hated it even more when I left home without it.  My Mother was her usual self.  My Bf is beside herself with grief for Tricia who’s funeral is tomorrow.  Our totally wicked, fearless Amy died this morning.  I can still hear Amy scoffing at stupids.  I remember once she told me to find what I wanted, not for today but for the rest of my life.  I never sweated it.  I always figured I had enough time to work out what I wanted.  What if I don’t though & I never find exactly what I “want”.  I pretty much know that I want to eat pizza every meal without putting on a pound but that’s not going to happen.  I’m quite sure Amy wasn’t talking about my choice of food anyway.

I’m pretty frazzzled.  I can’t be fucked thinking & I just want to go to bed for a sleep.  I so miss swear words.  It’s not enough to say them in my head.  O & if any fucker wants to give me suggestions about building a better relationship with my Mother don’t waste your time.  I’m pretty much done.   My last words are for our wee Amy.  You were a diamond of a wee woman Amy.  You made me laugh & you infuriated the hell out of me but I loved you muchness.  Nighty-night.

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