All for one

I should have taken the time & went back & read my post from last night.  The reason I didn’t was because I remember what i typed..  Tbh if someone doesn’t like what I type that’s an oops.  I was drunkish but not so drunk my brain had stopped working.  I never blame anything on alcohol.  If i type it I leave it.

Today I did my beach.  I feel totally at peace when standing on the edge of the sea.  It was a chilling day with sunshine that didn’t quite heat me up.  I feel exactly the way I did today when I get into.bed.  Small & insignificant.  My bed is huge haha.

Surprisingly I did go out tonight.  It’s only 11.30pm & I’m home.  I really wasn’t in the mood for tonight.  The company was fine except all the talking was left to me & I’m too tired for polite small talk.  As I’m typing I know I should make more of an effort.  All I really want to do is go to bed so i am.  Sweet dreams & if you see me in your dreams be nice &  try not to wake me up ;-))

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Brilliant night

I’m a little drunk.  Actually I’m quite a lot drunk.  I had a great night.  Actually I couldn’t have had a better night.  Its nice to be out with friends.   We laughed & giggled way more than we should have.  I can sometimes forget I’ve got great mates.

It’s 1.15am &its been a long night.  Someone asked me a question tonight that made me smile.  How do you know you really loved someone when they’re no longer around.  I know the answer, It’s in a memory from 30 years ago when life was simple. I hope you had a fab birthday.  My gift for you is dido singing white flag.  You know I’ve never forgotten you despite trying to.   You should so own that song.  Nighty night.

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Party Night

Tonight is my girly night out.  We drink loads & have fun.  We should perhaps warn the pubs of Glasgow but we won’t.  It’ll be a late night & tomorrow I get to have a day off work.  I’m off to a beach in the morning  before I do it all again tomorrow night.  Sometimes life can be so tough..

Bad, bad & bad

I got out of bed late this morning.  I’d spent so long in the shower last night I exhausted myself.  I’d crawled into bed forgetting to set my alarm.  Despite going to bed with a renewed resolve I slept in.  I only wakened up when my youngest daughter told me it was 8.15am.  I resisted the temptation to say Fuuuccckkk because well, swearing is not to be encouraged lol.  As I started my day I forgot about the new resolve I had mustered last night.  I was told my youngest child was still in bed.  It’s honestly like a big rain cloud that sits over my head when he’s mentioned.  He quit his football team last night which didn’t please me.  He’s contracted to his club for another year so he can’t play for any other boys club & yes, he is that good.   I tiptoe around him & if I’m not bending over backwards for him I’m on my knees.  I am so worn out with all the drama & crap that follows him around.

Okay, this is my space & just for once I’m going to type the absolute truth about him.  He can be a very sweet, endearing child.  He can also be a little git but I wonder how sad he really must be to behave in the way he does.  I’m sure he doesn’t act out because he wants attention because he gets more than enough of that.  I just feel really sorry for him.  He gets pretty much everything he wants & still, he’s never satisfied.  After bring up 6 other kids to be pretty okay people this one is so challenging I question everything that I’ve ever done.  I always thought I was a pretty good parent.  A bit to soft but my kids always new their was a line not to be crossed.  My youngest kicked fuck out of that line & smashed it to pieces.  My baby child I accept needs help but the help is way to slow in helping.  And my Dad screaming from Heaven he needs a boot up his arse isn’t helping either..  I just hope we can resolve  his issues.  Every morning I mention him in my prayers.  I’m willing him to change how he behaves but I can’t help him unless he allows me to.  I just think it’s going to get much worse before it gets better.

 

Long Day

I had hoped today would end peacefully but no.  Baby child stropped so no such luck.  I posted The Long Goodbye again because someone had searched it.  It’s not often I see search terms.  My reaction was awww.  I love that song, I rarely listen to it.  I can make myself feel sad for better reasons.  It’s called 2006 in my ipod.  That was a whole other time.   It’s been a pretty quick 10yrs though.   I’m not sure much of who I was then remains.   For good or for bad we change.  However long or short a goodbye is it should be final.  It’s one of those words that can cut you dead & you can’t come back from it.    I rarely say goodbye, the thought of saying it scares me.  The last time I said it was to my Dad who’d just died.  I can still remember kissing him as I said it. (& if my big sister ever finds her way here no, I won’t get over it).  I still wish he was here.    I’m over tired & I’ve pretty much had enough of today.  I think I should just give up & go to bed.  Nighty-night.