Small victory

My youngest son went to school this morning.  When you have a young, defiant child trust me when I type I will take that teeny weeny victory & hold it tight.  If he kicks off & I have no idea whether he will or not; I’ll be at work & unreachable.  He has threatened to smash the school windows & all the ipads he can grap.  Baby child took my mobile phone yesterday.  I shrugged & told him to keep it.  Losing my mobile phone is a release not a punishment.  I actually think school would prefer if he didn’t appear this morning & its boohoo for them.  He may run when he gets to the gate but as both gates are covered I don’t think that’ll happen.   Please God just help him behave.

So onto me.  Youngest had told me last night that as I’m a disgrace of a Mother he felt the best thing to do would be to just leave & he wouldn’t be here this morning when I woke up.  That really was a stroke of genius.  I sat awake all through the night.  I was aware of every noise & I genuinely thought he might actually run away.  At 7am when I came down stairs of course he was asleep.  For a second I did wonder about my own sanity.  How could I manage to have 6 well balanced children.  My 7th is as we say a total rocket.  I’m once again living & breathing with Nicky’s issues & I really don’t understand where they come from.  I’m beginning to worry about the effect his behaviour is having on his siblings.  I don’t want them to struggle & I think they are.  Poor Jack, its always him who’s left standing in front of me trying to dodge the punches. I’m so tempted to shout just fkn kill me now & get it over with.  The trouble with that is I actually think he’d consider it.

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