My youngest son went to school this morning. When you have a young, defiant child trust me when I type I will take that teeny weeny victory & hold it tight. If he kicks off & I have no idea whether he will or not; I’ll be at work & unreachable. He has threatened to smash the school windows & all the ipads he can grap. Baby child took my mobile phone yesterday. I shrugged & told him to keep it. Losing my mobile phone is a release not a punishment. I actually think school would prefer if he didn’t appear this morning & its boohoo for them. He may run when he gets to the gate but as both gates are covered I don’t think that’ll happen. Please God just help him behave.
So onto me. Youngest had told me last night that as I’m a disgrace of a Mother he felt the best thing to do would be to just leave & he wouldn’t be here this morning when I woke up. That really was a stroke of genius. I sat awake all through the night. I was aware of every noise & I genuinely thought he might actually run away. At 7am when I came down stairs of course he was asleep. For a second I did wonder about my own sanity. How could I manage to have 6 well balanced children. My 7th is as we say a total rocket. I’m once again living & breathing with Nicky’s issues & I really don’t understand where they come from. I’m beginning to worry about the effect his behaviour is having on his siblings. I don’t want them to struggle & I think they are. Poor Jack, its always him who’s left standing in front of me trying to dodge the punches. I’m so tempted to shout just fkn kill me now & get it over with. The trouble with that is I actually think he’d consider it.