I’m not sure

I had intended to start today with great enthusiasm.  I didn’t plan on still being awake at 3am.  The events of yesterday played on my mind.  I am so frustrated by youngest & his behaviour.  I so wish he’d grow-up but he’s 12 so we have a while to wait.  I have a while to wait.  In the mean time I’ll have to just hang on & hope for the best.  Underneath the nasty, cheeky, defiant child is a wonderful one.  I just have to pray that my calmness & fair resolve will work eventually.  I have no problem with him anymore.  He’s never violent or aggressive to me.  I never thought I’d type that but I did.  I can shut his attitude down with a look.  He still has his moments but his biggest issue is at school.  No one seems to be able to deal with him with any type of authority.  A teacher calls him out & he’ll challenge them.  He gets pleasure from winding adults up & they fall right into it.  Teachers then bring the ego out to play & chaos wins.  When chaos wins Nicky loses.  He’s not a stupid boy but adults are more experienced so of course they win,.

My day could have been worse.  I did the dreaded thing again.  I actually did it all by myself (pat on the back time).  Today isn’t a day of making every day count.  I’m sorry but today I can’t be arsed haha.  Every time i decide to shift my focus from my kids one of them, usually Nicky throws a curve ball.  I’m to much of a hands on parent to let him sink & that’s probably part of his problem.  Mum appears & attempts to sort all of his problems,.  Maybe I need to realise I can’t.