One of the wonderful things about blogging is I can go back in time. I can zoom back 10 years & read. I sometimes wonder who that woman was. She’s a stranger to me now. I much prefer the 10 years older me. I hate, hate, hate people who can’t see past the past. They rake it up like it’s a precious jewel they can throw back in your face. They can be as embittered & twisted as they like. I refuse to get sucked into the blame game. I am not who I was 10 years ago. I don’t need to apologies for who I was, who I am or who I’ve still to become. I’m at peace with myself & some people don’t like that.
I hate people who think they know me. They don’t. They have a perception of who they think I am. They have a notion of how I should behave & how I should react. I had someone shouting in my face yesterday & I just listened & nodded. They took it out on the first available victim, me. Of course it hurt but I understand fully when people are frustrated & in pain they radiate obnoxious insults & criticism.. I simply walked away. I literally walked out of the situation. I have no idea what goes on in there life anymore than they know what goes on in mine. The difference between us is what? Is it just that they’re venomous & I’m not?. They spoke about me having a perfect life. They’re always alone whilst I never am.. Does my life read like it’s perfect? Nah, I just make the best of what I have. Sometimes it’s fucking hard but I get on with it. I don’t think I’m in a position to judge anyone so I don’t. They on the other hand took great pleasure in judging me.
Ten years ago I’d have fired into them. I would have had a major strop & I wouldn’t have allowed them to talk to me in the way they did. I was so shocked I could hardly breathe as I left. I felt sad for them. Sad that they’d reached such a point that all the toxic shit was fired in my direction. It makes no difference that it should have been directed at the person who caused it which wasn’t me. I stood outside wondering when I became such a reasonable, level headed grown-up.
Yesterday was however an oops day for them. You say something to me I’ll believe you & I’ll remember always. Spoken words can never be taken back. They went to far yesterday. I did warn them they were close to my line & they jumped on it anyway. They have no chance of ever coming back from that. I have a knack of not arguing with people when they really want a fight. I’ve always been able to sense when someone wants me to lose it so they can justify there behaviour. I never allow anyone the satisfaction of seeing me wound up or upset. I keep my power by keeping my temper & mouth in check. I’m so proud of the way I behaved yesterday. I will miss them but I’ve got more than enough in my life to keep me busy (Ooo that was said in relation to me a very long time ago, funny how things come back around).