Redimere

I went to bed last night at 8pm.  I’d had enough for one day.  Typically my mobile decided to start beeping.  Did you have a nice Mothers Day I was asked.  Um, I gave a short answer of not really haha.   I figured least said, soonest mended.  Then someone else asked & I just ignored them.  Why would you text a Mother to ask if she’d had a good Mothers Day.  Did they not read my Facebook???  Whatever, I tossed & turned last night feeling very hard done by.  I got up this morning with a smirk.  I hadn’t washed any school uniforms.  I had told them all I wasn’t doing it.  Someone had attempted it & failed miserably.  Shirts were missing.  Jumpers hadn’t been dried & trousers remained un-ironed.  O the embarrassment of it all for them.  Tumble drier was put on by one child who only dried what he needed.  The others he didn’t care about.  Is that how I’ve brought them up?  Is it okay to be a selfish git, thinking only about yourself?  No its not & I told him so.  Jack to be fair did buy me a scented candle out of a pound shop.  He tried I guess but since it’s his birthday in 3 weeks he did that to earn brownie points.  He knows it & so do I.

I was really hurt yesterday.  I went to bed in tears at the total lack of regard shown to me.  I cook for them, clean for them.  I open my purse whenever for however much & they couldn’t even buy me a card.  I’ve seen my children in a whole different light.  I may love each & every one of them but I’ve been left wondering.  How the hell did I manage to create such selfish, uncaring human beings??  They say give it out, get it back.  That’s so not true in my world.  I’m a genuinely nice person & to be treated with so little regard by the people I gave birth to stunned me.  Everyone thinks I’m great at forgiving & forgetting.  I’m not.  I forgive rarely & I forget nothing.   I can actually remember text word for word from over 10yrs ago.   If it was ever important to me I remember for always.  I won’t forget yesterday in a hurry & it’s a very long time until next year.  Redemption is not an option.

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