Life review

When life throws those curve balls I tend to try & catch them.  That’s the way I deal with most stuff in my life.  Stopping the fucker in it’s tracks has worked pretty effectively so far.  Youngest being diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder is one curve ball I can’t catch.  It’s not my ball.  Mr Manager leaving work (SOB!!) is another I can’t catch.

I had hoped my youngest child was just a defiant little shit who was suffering from spoilt brat syndrome.  I’d prayed he’d grow out of it.  Being diagnosed with ASD & PDA floored me.  I’ve spent a week feeling numb until it dawned on me that he’s still who he was last week.  He’s cute, he’s funny.  He has me in his corner & I know, deep down, he’ll be okay.

Mr Manager leaves tomorrow, the pull of more money is too great (EVEN MORE SOBBING!!!!).  We stood upstairs today, shoulder to shoulder.  He told me how things should be continued in his absence.   As we stood together I told him the uncertainty everyone is feeling is normal.  There are millions of paths we take throughout our lives.  We can examine the potential consequences, we can weigh up the pro’s & cons but ultimately there are no guarantees.  I love the idea that uncertainty is inevitable in most situations & I take comfort from that.  We have the power to make our own decisions.  Whether they turn out to be good or bad isn’t always clear but I’d stamp my defiant feet for every one who makes a stand.

As I look at my youngest son I don’t just see the negatives.  I see a wonderfully compassionate, caring child who has a hard road to travel in life.  Mr Manager is a complex man who’s way smarter than he looks or acts.  He cares & yet to show it is a sign of weakness for him.  Life is full of complexities isn’t it.