Tidal wave

This is just a catch up post to say I’m still around.  I’ve no time for my usual stat obsession so big wave if you still visit.  You can adopt the smug, self satisfied look of my life is better than her life round about now.  I don’t know why you don’t just fuck off Ian & stop reading here.

My youngest son was finally diagnosed on Friday.  Nicky is on the autistic spectrum with a demand avoidance profile.  That’s jargon talk for life is fucking intolerable.  At the weekend his beloved iPhone was smashed by someone who should know better.  Youngest then smashed my sitting room tv, a bunch of Buddha’s, lamps & wrecked my bedroom drawers before crumbling in a heap sobbing he wants to kill himself.  I so wanted to tell him he’s killing me because slowly, that’s what’s happening.  Big sigh.  I’m always waiting for the next meltdown.  I don’t appease him so I’m his number one target again.  He gives me his defiant look & I smile.  I’m wondering how long it will be before I’m cowering away from his punches.  I feel so sorry for him but I’m frightened for myself.  Whether I like it or not my world is revolving around him right now.  His diagnosis isn’t just about him, its about my entire family.  It will affect us forever & that’s a scarey reality.


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