Yesterday would have been my Dad’s 79th birthday. His death kind of means I don’t celebrate it. I went to his grave today. He’d been left some beautiful roses (my Uncle I guess). I left him a McDonalds coffee because that was all I had 🙂 I stood & asked where are you when I need you. I really believe he’d know what I should do. I can’t ask him & his wife is a useless substitute (yep, that would be my Mother). As I left the cemetery I felt this weird calmness. I don’t remember the last time I felt calm. I could almost hear my Dad saying that I’ve got this. I’m not sure I do but I will. I just need to do that hold on shit. It hurts that one of my children is struggling in a way I can’t begin to imagine. I’m Mum, I can’t make it better or go away. What I can be is always, always beside him & that’s exactly what I intend to do.