Yesterday would have been my Dad’s 79th birthday.  His death kind of means I don’t celebrate it.  I went to his grave today.  He’d been left some beautiful roses (my Uncle I guess).  I left him a McDonalds coffee because that was all I had 🙂  I stood & asked where are you when I need you.  I really believe he’d know what I should do.  I can’t ask him & his wife is a useless substitute (yep, that would be my Mother).  As I left the cemetery I felt this weird calmness.  I don’t remember the last time I felt calm.  I could almost hear my Dad saying that I’ve got this.  I’m not sure I do but I will.  I just need to do that hold on shit.  It hurts that one of my children is struggling in a way I can’t begin to imagine.  I’m Mum, I can’t make it better or go away.  What I can be is always, always beside him & that’s exactly what I intend to do.

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