Sometimes when I’m typing random lyrics pop into my head. A lyric from this song popped into my head when I was typing my last post. It took a good few moments to remember the name of the song. Tinsel Town in the Rain is a metaphor. It’s about Glasgow to me but it could be about anywhere I guess. It’s a song you don’t just hear you feel it. That makes it pretty special. Thank goodness I loved this song because it’s going to swim in my head for the rest of today!!
I can’t remember the last time I looked in this space. It doesn’t matter anyway lol. I have a teeny little bookmark that winks at me when I’m neglecting it. I’m neglecting it but I can’t help it. I have shit going on that needs my attention. I’m just stopping by to check in. I hope the world is spinning well for you all. I’ve got a post in my head that I don’t have time to type. It’s about respecting privacy & how we should all have it. Sadly, what WordPress lacks in privacy settings Facebook makes up for. Two words I say often are love it. Another word I say is whatever. You do realise you’ve just kicked that ball out of play right?
** Omg, reading this & I’m having a stomach lurching moment. You actually want to kick the ball out of play?? (any time I type a question to you I assume the answer is yes, its a fun game I play with myself). Why would you do that??? Has the memory of my weirdness seeped into your brain? Actually, you shouldn’t have any memories of me haha. Every single time I resolve to rid my head of you I get a curve ball. Okay, so, ball is out of play. Actually I think you just burst it so what am I supposed to do with this space? Keep it, close it, change it to private?? Nah, I’m going to have to find an adult who is better at adulting than I because I’m clueless.
I sat down in front of my coffee table. I don’t know what I was thinking. My hand instinctively reached out for my Tv remote. The remote is gone. It was smashed in a frienzy between calls to childline. Can childline replace yet another Tv smashed during a meltdown? I guess not.
Even I, a glass half full type knows being Tv free doesn’t bode well for my family. You see we don’t like to talk to each other. We prefer to not communicate. We pretend we’re interested but we’re not. That wall mounted 50″ screen masked our total disinterest. Put simply, we’re all fucked. I can feel panic taking over me & I don’t mind admitting I’m scared lol. Tv free wouldn’t be my choice. Smashing my Tv may not have been Nickys fault. It is his responsibility & I’m not about to let him forget. As I stare at the black screen I can’t help but miss those pretty sounds & pictures..
Yesterday was a tough day. I’m going to just give up having a Tv in my sitting room. I could hear another one bites the dust as Nicky tossed something into the screen. What should you do when having a meltdown except break the most expensive thing in the room. I stifled a laugh as he realised that was his Xbox tv. No Tv means no gaming.
I’m safe in work. I’ve got five hours of child free time. I can sense the stress building inside Nicky. The longer he’s without a school the more agitated he’s becoming. What I need to do is stay calm & resolved to find the best school. I just need one of those people who can adult better than me to step in & take control.
I had decided to start the day on a positive note. Youngest had other ideas. I’m sick & tired of having him permanently in my head. Today he lifted up my cup of McD’s coffee & threw it. My walls, ceiling & door covered in the sticky liquid. Every one looks to me. My answer is always don’t come for me. Don’t ever come for me because I will send for you when required. Sick & tired.
I’ve got a loooong night ahead of me. Some fight is on Tv at 4am. I’m not into boxing at all. My 13yr olds idol is Conor McGregor so we have to watch it. I’ve paid twenty quid for it so it better last until at least round 5. I wish I could type goodnight but it won’t be.