Repeat after me I’m okay. If I can say that so can anyone. We all think we have stressful lives. I try so hard not to feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, its just too hard lol. If someone was to tell me about living my life I’d wonder how they cope. I wonder how I cope. I got a new crappy 32″ Tv from work today. My thinking was it would do until my new 50″ Tv appears tomorrow or Friday. Instead of a thank you I got a look of annoyance. OH is re-flooring my loft & don’t ask me why so didn’t have time to piss about with a new Tv. I got it & said I’d do the telly as to me, it was no biggy. Huffy OH decided to take my big TV off the wall. Isn’t that easy when you just pull the fucker off. Of course it slipped & my fireplace instead of being 3 sections is now in 6. Fuck me, fireplace broken & dismantled. Not even a sorry comes out his mouth. I now have a hearth with my stove fire sitting proudly in the centre of my wall. The it will do teeny Tv is perched on top of my fire. The broken Television bracket is sitting proudly above laughing at me. My eldest son came in today & sat silently. He looked over at me & asked if I was okay. I just shrugged because I have absolutely nothing left. I have no expectations anymore. My once fabulous sitting-room is wrecked. My lamps are perched on drawers with smashed shades. My mirror has whatever sprayed over it. I would say it looks like a students place but students have standards. My space looks like an expensive squat.
I don’t have a clue what to do except continue to have no expectations. I really thought life would have improved as my kids got older. It’s just getting harder & I have no way of changing that. It’s to late. I don’t even feel angry or resentful anymore. I just feel numb & heading warp speed to a nervous breakdown.