The cluttered forrest that is my life in my 40’s is about to be de-cluttered. Self imposed and totally necessary I had forgotten the potential of having 7wks off work. I had forgotten that I can switch my alarm clock off for 7wks, I can wear what I want, instead of black and my brain at night doesn’t need to stress about the less than perfect takings or how to increase them.
Stillness. I need to accept stillness and enjoy it. 2 roads in front of me. I can sit and mope for a job I know will be there in 7wks or I can make the most of those weeks. Enjoy them with my children. So, onwards.
Yesterday. Wow. I did mention I had a crap night on Friday well here came the crap Saturday to top that. Hospital talk all day is not my idea of a fun day. Having the same things repeated to me was just annoying and my jaw ached from smiling and nodding with enthusiasm. The curve ball came when my big sis says its a possibility that she maybe in the rehab unit longer than a fortnight. Despite the fact that she managed to sit outside for 3hrs smoking and getting sunburnt she thinks this place will help her posture enough that she wont need her wheelchair all the time. I’m just not buying that. I’m perhaps misjudging her but I just can’t imagine her in the gym at all. Hand therapy so she can use a knife & fork?? Hhmm, she does that already. She lives alone, I sense an agenda and I’m not quite sure what it is. More care? that would erode the independence she has. Perhaps its me and I think she is more capable than she actually is. There is a difference between being lazy and being incapable and I’m not sure where one begins and ends with her. I do know she can use blooming cutlery. I’m not cat friendly either and the idea of cat sitting for weeks isn’t filling me with joy. I had wanted to go away for a few days but who knows when.
Okay enough ranting. I will not waste the 7wks I have off. I constantly worry about change, too much or not enough. The ironny is I will get to wherever I should be without the worry. What I dont want is to do is go back to work having changed nothing, even if its just my attitude.
light on
jacqui
Decaf White 